Pitiful Human Emotions
by LaFlorDelMar
Summary: Finished! Zim and Gaz discover the meaning of 'growing pains.' Zim and Dib friendship, slight Zim and Gaz romance. Rated 'T' for language. Disclaimer goes here: Don't own characters, don't sue. Reviews and constructive criticism are welcome.
1. Chapter 1

"Pit-i-ful human! You dare believe you are truly superior to the all-mighty Zim? Impossible!" The voice loud enough to cause the neighbors to look up and wonder why they were cursed received only maniacal laughter from the boy sitting on the couch.

"Of course I do not believe it! I _know_ it!" was the inevitable reply. The usual, annoying banter continued until the girl a floor up could stand the madness no longer. She left the comfort of her room and planted herself at the top of the stairs and waited five seconds to see if they would shut up on their own. Unlikely.

The allotted time passed and still the intolerable noise did not dissipate. "DIB! ZIM! If you both do not shut your stupid noise holes _this instant_ you'll be sorry! I'll rip your esophagus out of your body through your spleen, Dib. And you, Zim, I won't hesitate to remove whatever organ of your squeedily spooch it is that produces such horrible noises in such a way that you will be in a world of pain for the rest of your years!" She cleared her throat as she waited for their response. Silence ensued.

Then she heard it. Muffled snickering that quickly escalated to full-blown laughter. So they thought she was funny? They had another thing coming.

She stomped down the stairs and entered the living room. Zim and Dib had collapsed on the floor, unable to do much more than laugh as the humor they found at Dib's little sister's threat took over control of their bodies.

"Hey, you morons, stop laughing!" Zim looked up at her and bit his lip in an effort to pretend as though he wasn't laughing at the poor girl, but his attempt proved to be futile. Dib took no notice of her and continued to laugh. She glanced at the television screen and a wicked grin graced her features. They hadn't reached the save point in _Galactic Invasion_ yet. She stepped over the pathetic forms of the two laughing boys and flipped the power switch to OFF on the Game Slave Home. The screen was covered in static and Dib's evil little sister joined in the laughter.

Dib went still, as did Zim, at the sound of her merriment, both looking up at the waif of a girl who continued to stifle her glee behind her hands. Zim noticed the television first.

"You insufferable stink-beast!" he shouted, leaping to his feet. "Why would you do such an insidiously horrible, evil thing to me, Zim? Madness! The madness!" He threw his fists in the air and ranted about the doom he would rain down upon her doomed head of doom-ness.

Dib stared in disbelief at the dead gaming system. "Gaz…_why_?" He stood beside Zim, who had ceased in his shouting. Both of them now looked down upon her. She glared at them scornfully, annoyed that her momentary joy had been ruthlessly murdered by these idiots.

"I warned you," she replied darkly as she made her way to the stairs. Her brother's voice caused her to turn around.

"You warned us about our organs! This is completely different!"

Gaz shrugged. "A threat's a threat. Would you have expected anything less? Besides, you two were about to die anyway. You weren't anywhere near the save point for that level. _Mysterious Mysteries_ is about to be on." She caught the disgusted look on Zim's face and felt a flash of pity for him. She pointed a finger at the poorly disguised alien. "I require your assistance." He said nothing. "Now, space boy."

Said alien looked at Dib in confusion. Dib's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Just because he and Zim weren't sworn enemies any longer did not mean he wanted Zim around his sister. "He can't. He's got stuff to do. Invader stuff," Dib practically shouted. He saw Zim wince at the word 'invader' and promised himself that he would apologize at a later time.

Zim, confused even more now, simply nodded. He wanted to escape what seemed to be the beginning of badness. So he played along. "Yes, that is correct. Do not think that because I am playing games with your brother does not mean I am not going to conquer this disgusting dirt ball, Gaz-human. These games are strategic training on my part. You'd best not to forget that I am ZIM! Soon-to-be ruler of you worm baby dirt-children!"

"Whatever." Gaz stalked out of the room and her boots hitting the steps could be heard. Zim went to the front door of the Membrane residence and glanced at Dib.

"Why would you tell her something like that?" he questioned.

Dib flushed, trying to think of a good excuse. "You don't want to hang out with her. Trust me." Zim gave him an odd look, but shrugged and continued on his way.


	2. Chapter 2

Gaz ducked her head lower in annoyance, her hair creating a temporary shield against outside distractions; namely her brother and Zim. She was stuck walking behind them on their way home from the High Skool bus stop. At times it seemed as though the bus stop was further away than the actual skool. Times like this. Luckily she had found her _Operation: Annihilate Earth_ game squished between the sofa cushions. The volume was turned up as high as she could get it, but nothing seemed to block out the sounds of Zim and Dib coming up with growingly stupid stories that were somehow supposed to prove their worth and superiority over one another.

It never ceased to amaze her that they still competed with each other like that, even after six years.

She tried to concentrate on beating the fourth level until the sound of Dib's voice yelling about victory over Bigfoot grated on her last nerve. That and the cold wind seemed to be ceaseless. "That's it," she growled through gritted teeth. Gaz saved her game, turned the player off, and stuck it safely in her bag. Once that was done she proceeded to barrel in between Zim and Dib, who were taking up most of the sidewalk. "Out of my way, morons," she said angrily and quickened her pace.

Dib stared after her in confusion as Zim bent down to pick a metal something up from the grass. It looked like a charm for a bracelet. "What was that about?" Dib asked aloud. Zim shrugged and dropped the charm into the boy's hand.

"She dropped this. But it seems unlikely that she is upset about a charm," Zim replied. Dib handed it back.

"Oh well, she'll cool off eventually." Dib started for his house again. Zim fell in beside him.

"You are not worried about your sister, Dib-monster? I have done research in the time that I have spent on this pathetic planet and I know that families are supposed to be important."

"I care, but I've learned not to go after her when she's like that. Gaz likes to be alone."

"People do not like to be alone. I have learned this. I watch this so-called T.V. I see how you humans operate. At least they do not like to be alone all of the time." Zim thought about the last few years he had been on the planet. "I can prove it!" he shouted suddenly.

Dib looked over at his companion and gestured with his hand for the alien to continue.

"Gaz doesn't really speak to us. She doesn't really hang out with us. She seems to pretty much not like us or any of your filthy kind at all. Yet she walks with us every day and she sits with us at lunch. Granted she always has that stupid game thing. She must want to be around people some of the time." Zim fell silent.

"You seem to see a lot of things about her," Dib said, his voice low. "But I guess someone should." They paused outside the Membrane house.

The alien laughed. "Foolish human stink-beast! I see lots of things about lots of things!" Dib cracked a smile. "Why did you tell her that I had invader things to do? You know it was not true." The smile faded.

"I'm…not sure. Look, Zim, I'm sorry I mentioned anything about it. I wasn't thinking. Just…whenever Gaz wants someone to actually hang out with her…the results are usually bad."

"I shall keep that in mind. Until we next meet, Earth monkey!" With that Dib went inside and Zim headed for his home.

As he turned the corner leading to the cul-de-sac, the extraterrestrial stopped dead in his Irken march. He rubbed frantically at his bothersome contacts, but the image before him stayed the same.


	3. Chapter 3

He nervously waited on the sidewalk to see if the planet was about to implode, as his old teacher Ms. Bitters was fond of telling them. Nothing happened. The pace of his march slowed considerably as he came closer to his little house with its yard of lawn gnomes. The situation in his yard continued to occur stubbornly before him.

Gaz Membrane was sitting in his yard. _Playing._ With Gir, of all robots.

He shook his head and prepared to yell something demeaning, but Gaz beat him to it.

"Hello, Zim-loser." She didn't bother to look up from the pile of cards in her hand. "Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come onto your own property?" Zim started at this, and gingerly stepped over the threshold that divided sanity and…this.

Gir looked up from the cards it was busy trying to shove into its mouth and immediately pounced on Zim, using its tiny rockets for extra momentum. "Master! You're hooome! Gazzy came to play with me! I LOVE CUPCAKES!" Zim tried to pry the insane robot off of him and landed hard on the grass.

"Hello, Gir. Now get off me! You dare squish Zim's squeedily spooch?" Zim bellowed. Gir snickered and cocked its head.

"I do." It began to dance around the yard. Zim glanced over at Gaz, who had not so much as looked up as the whole interaction took place.

"So, dirt-child Gaz…what are you doing at my wonderful base? The Dib-monster seemed to think that there is or was something wrong with your emotional stability," Zim stated, standing. Gaz merely glared up at him. He squirmed, uncomfortable, and fiddled with one of the buttons on his shirt. He had outgrown his Irken uniforms and was forced to wear the same clothing as the rest of the disgusting worm babies on the planet. He pulled the charm out of his pocket and held it out. "You dropped this as you pushed by us. Which, by the way, would not have been tolerated by me, Zim, had you not been so annoyed."

She stood, shuffling the deck of cards, and took it. Gaz peered at the small metal figure closely. "This isn't mine," she said as she carelessly flicked it. It hit Zim in the forehead. Gir ran up to the human girl and wrapped itself around her leg.

"Let's make biscuits! GAZZY, LET'S MAKE BISCUITS!" the little robot shouted. She smirked and allowed Gir to lead her into the base. Zim tried to stop them to no avail.

"Stop! You don't know what you're doing! Little Gaz-human!" Zim yelled, running after the human and his stupid minion. Gaz slammed the front door in his face, snickering. It took him a few minutes to get inside, as the door was locked, but when he did he made a bee-line for the kitchen. "You're going to –" All thoughts left his brain when he saw Gaz wearing an apron. An apron was not something he could easily imagine her donning.

"Make biscuits?" she finished for him. She poured some Bisquick into a bowl. Gir happily stirred the contents, humming a little song. "Give it a rest, Zim. I'm not like Dib, okay? I couldn't care less about your demented little plans of conquest, or your base, or the fact that you and Gir aren't even from any planet I know exists." Ignoring the shocked expression on the homeowner's face, Gaz started to shape the dough while Gir poured cinnamon sugar sprinkles on top of the soon-to-be biscuits.

Zim joined them at the table. "Zim does not quite understand what is going on, little Gaz-human. I have been informed numerous times that you detest all sentient beings that walk on two legs. I have come to realize that I fit into that category."

"I like Gir," she pointed out. "Well, to an extent, at least." She carried the baking sheet over to the oven, deposited it on the rack, and set the timer. She winced as Zim shouted in anger.

"GIR! Get off my head this instant! What do you think you're doing?" Zim waved his arms around his head, failing at getting the little SIR unit away from him. "No! Injustice!"

Gaz rolled her eyes and pulled Gir away from the furious alien, holding the demented little being in her arms. "Don't be such a pest, Gir. Your master gives me a headache." Gir attached itself to her side.

"I looooove you, Gaz! Tuna! I must get tuna!" In a blur of silver and blue, Gir was racing down the hallway to the living room.

"I think you can put your arms down now. You look ridiculous." Gaz untied the apron and draped it over a chair. Zim cleared his throat, dropping his arms. He shoved his gloved claws into the pockets of his Earth jeans. "Besides," the human girl said after thirty-four seconds of silence, "I don't not like you." She left the room as Zim absorbed the information. He followed after a moment, watching Gaz hook up her Game Slave Portable to his large-screen television. She tossed him a control as he sat on the couch beside her.

"Well, Gaz-human, I suppose it is safe for me to say that I do not find you as hideously revolting as the rest of your disgusting smelly-pig race."

The human almost smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

'I hate you all,' Gaz thought as she glared at the teenagers loitering in the hallways. She couldn't stand High Skool. It was worse now that Dib was getting accepted into one clique or another, and the one time she had gone to see Zim had not turned into a repeat performance. She turned the volume up on her iPod as she headed for the parking lot. Glancing around quickly, she sprinted past the high chain link fence that surrounded the skool premises to the sidewalk. She turned the corner and her personal hell was soon out of sight.

The sun blazed in the sky, baking the earth, but Gaz didn't mind. Everything normally seemed cold so the exceptional heat was welcomed. She chuckled darkly at the thought of summer arriving. Dib and Zim nearly killed each other since there was nothing to do but see who could be the most annoying while skool was not in session. Her chuckles died as she felt a sharp pang in her side.

Gaz looked up and saw her old elementary skool. It was closed, as there was a teacher work day, so the playground was empty. She decided to sit there for a bit. She crossed the asphalt-and-mulch yard that had once seemed so big and stared at the jungle gym. 'Looks as though someone decided to build a clubhouse or something,' the girl mused silently. There was a lopsided shack-type structure somehow anchored to the top of the jungle gym. It looked stable enough though.

Shrugging, she hoisted the strap to her bag higher up on her shoulder and began the moderate climb to the top. She pushed open the sad little door and threw her bag in first, following several seconds later. Gaz closed the door and sat with her back against a wall. She would have to make a note to come here more often. It filled her with a sense of peace. She retrieved her notebook and a pen and began to write.

Zim hated lunchtime. The food, the people, the insufferable noise from inane babbling…it was almost too much for the mighty invader. Scanning the cafeteria, it seemed as though today would be a bit worse than usual. The Dib-monkey was busy chatting it up with some oddly dressed teens in the corner. And Gaz was nowhere to be seen either.

Well, if neither of his so-called allies were available, then he would simply leave. Perhaps that was what the Gaz-human had done. He was well aware that she ditched class every so often, even if her big-headed brother was too stupid to realize such a thing.

A well-timed glance out of the window caused the alien to see a flash of violet and black dart beyond the fence. His curiosity got the better of him and he grabbed his books, intent on following whatever that had been.

Five minutes later found him headed toward their old skool. His suspicions that he was following Gaz were probably more accurate than not. Especially considering the fact that muddy prints on the sidewalk looked like the soles of the boots she normally wore. One may find it odd that he would notice such a detail, but being an invader caused perpetual awareness to be almost imperative.

The tracks led him to the playground and the jungle gym after that. "Someone must have been incredibly bored to build something like that," Zim noted. With a smirk plastered on his lips, he used his PAK to help him be lazy, using the metal spider-like legs to get him closer to the shack.

. He was about to open the tiny door when he heard Gaz mumbling to herself. Not one to eavesdrop, he opened the door and made his loud entrance. "Greet me, Gaz-human, for I am the incredible Zim! I have tracked you from the pitiful human torture device your filthy kind like to call High Skool because I am all-knowing and—" he cut off abruptly when he caught sight of her face.

She was seething.

"What are you doing here, Zim?" she demanded. She wiped hurriedly at her face and slammed her notebook shut, a renegade leaf of paper falling to the floor.

"I could ask you the same," he replied evenly and snatched the paper before she could react. As he read the writing he couldn't keep from snickering. "What is this?" he asked, slumping against the wall when he couldn't support himself any longer. What he had just read was too much. "You are quite…what is the word? _Humorous_, at times, little Gaz-earthling."

The paper read as follows:

How to make my life better:

Plan A: Doom all humans

Plan B: Kill all humans

Plan C: Kill all humans painfully

Plan D: Kill all humans on alternate Thursdays

Plan E: Kill all humans with orbital laser (borrow said laser from Zim)

Environment friendly (?) plan: Compress all humans into bricks, build giant wall

"It made me feel better to have some sort of plans to end my misery that didn't include self-mutilation or suicide in writing," she muttered. "Besides, I got the idea from an online comic." She stretched her arm out toward her now-sober companion, a clear indication that she wanted her master plans back. He handed it over wordlessly, frowning as he scrutinized the expression on her face.

"You are upset," he stated after several moments of silence. She looked up at him sharply, hugging her knees to her chest.

"You're insane, Zim. I look like this all the time." Gaz sighed and fiddled with her headphones.

"Lies! Your eyes are not usually so…puffy. And your cheeks are streaked with some sort of liquid. Not to mention your frown is not the same as the normal one you adorn your face with."

She stood and gathered her things. Before leaving the dilapidated shack she turned her head to look at Zim. "I don't see why you care anyway. You and my brother pretty much seem to think that I like being ignored." With that she was gone. Zim followed her quickly.

"Gaz-human, I am not understanding what you mean. Why should I not care?" he shouted after her. She stomped her foot and turned to face him.

"Because you don't know me!" she shouted back. "And you've never tried to know me! The only one you pay attention to is Dib! That should be plenty of reason for you not to care!" She paused, looking at the alien thoughtfully. "Don't beat yourself up about it though; you're not the only one to do that." She headed home, pulling out her Game Slave IV.


	5. Chapter 5

Zim glared in the dark, nearly tripping from getting too absorbed in watching the handheld radar he was using to find Gir. It wasn't unusual for the tiny SIR unit to go out on its own, but it was normally good about coming home by midnight. Not tonight, however. "Stupid robot, when I find Gir I'm going to tear it limb from limb," he muttered irately. He came to an abrupt halt forty-two-and-three-quarter paces later.

Gir was not alone. Nay, it had company. Rather familiar company.

Gaz sat on the curb, hidden by the shadows of some overhanging trees. Red embers glowed before her. Zim realized she was smoking a cigarette. Gir was firmly attached to the girl's back, apparently hugging her from behind. The non-touchy-feely Gaz Membrane was allowing something to be close to her? Odd.

He cleared his throat to make his presence known. Gaz jumped, almost dropping her cigarette. Gir smiled happily and waved at its master.

"Helllllloooooooo! I misseded you, master! Wanna play? I have toast!" Gir shouted, not leaving Gaz. "I found the Gazzy using the guidy chippy thingy! Is you proud of me?"

Zim was surprised. "Yes, Gir, I suppose I am. It's not every day you actually use something…useful…for a somewhat logical reason. Why were you looking for her though?" Since Gir seemed capable of actual conversation, the Irken decided to get the most out of the experience.

"Methinks that Gazzy needs a hug! So I found her and now I'm making her feel better! I have a lighter, see?" Gir held up a small, silver butane lighter that had the Irken symbol etched into it. Zim's favorite lighter! "I's gonna give it to her to borrow! Cows are my friends," it stage-whispered.

Gaz had to bite her lip to keep from giggling at how cute the robot was as it dropped the lighter in the hood of her sweatshirt. She glanced up at Zim and was surprised to see him reach into his jacket pocket to retrieve his own pack of cigarettes. He dropped down beside her, and she handed him the lighter.

"You probably shouldn't smoke, you know," she finally commented. "You'll kill your…squeedily spooch."

"Yes, and you'll kill your lungs, humanoid. The Irkens are not so weak and stupid as to be overcome by something as inferior as…tar and nicotine." With that said Zim tilted his head back and laughed as only he could laugh.

Gaz wished dearly to cause him severe bodily harm, but contented herself with punching him in the arm to get him to shut up. "What are you doing out here anyway?" He used the lighter and stuffed it in his pocket.

"I was looking for Gir. I get worried when it doesn't come back at a reasonable hour." He looked over at her. "What are _you_ doing out here past midnight?"

"We don't have skool tomorrow. Besides, Dib is having some weird little science party." It was quiet. And slightly odd, the two of them sitting together smoking bad-for-you cancer sticks. 'That generally seems to happen when it's us,' Gaz thought. 'The silence, I mean.' She was startled when Zim responded.

"I suppose that I do talk more to the Dib-monster than I do to the Gaz-human, but the Dib-monkey and I have more of a history to start with." He caught her surprised, suspicious look and grinned. "Fear not, I am not using my advanced Irken technology to read your thoughts. You merely talk out loud to yourself more than you may think."

"Ah. I'll have to watch myself more carefully then."

"Not necessary. You seem to have formidable defenses as it is." He shifted on the pavement and caught her eye. "Zim would still like to know why little Gaz-earthling is upset though."

She felt the familiar pang in her side as her brain seemed to freeze up. It felt a lot colder all of a sudden. She shivered and felt Gir tighten its grip on her shoulders. She reached back and patted Gir on the head before standing, flicking her cigarette butt into the street. "Maybe I'll tell you…on Monday." He stood as well, and opened his mouth to speak, when a flashlight shone cruelly on them both.

"There you are, Gaz!" It was her brother. "I've been looking everywhere for you!" Dib caught sight of Zim. "What are you doing out together?"

"I was looking for Gir," Zim replied, his tone polite, but not friendly. "And apparently Gir was looking for Gaz. I just found them about a minute ago."

Dib glanced at his sister, who nodded her agreement at Zim's telling of events. "Oh. Well, we should probably get back to the house. See you on Monday, Zim," Dib said, yanking on Gaz's arm. Before she moved Zim grinned at her and pressed something into her hand.

"A gift for you," he said in a low voice and waved at Dib. He and Gir left for their base. Dib walked with Gaz to the Membrane household.

Gaz headed for her room with barely so much as a 'good night' aimed at anyone. She locked her door and looked down at the supposed gift Zim had given her: A faint smile tugged at her reluctant lips. He had given her his lighter. And a note: 'I suppose that I must grudgingly admit that a human like you may be beneficial to understand' with a phone number. She made sure to hide both the lighter and the note from prying eyes before burrowing under he covers.


	6. Chapter 6

A scream cut short awoke both of the Membrane siblings. Sitting up in a daze of confusion, Gaz realized that she had been the one to make such a heart-wrenching sound. She clapped a hand over her mouth and groaned, hiding beneath her heavy comforter.

A minute later Dib stood at her door, pounding on it with his fists. "Gaz! You okay in there? I heard you scream!" he yelled.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Dib. Now go away. It was just a bad dream and your voice is annoying," she replied. She heard Dib laugh.

"'Kay, just as long as you're normal again." He headed back to his room and she left the allure of her bed to get dressed.

Pulling on a pair of jeans and a black baby doll tee that read 'Rogues do it from behind,' the teenage girl shook her head. "Stupid memories," she muttered and headed downstairs.

After eating breakfast and doing the routine before-skool activities, the Membrane children were out the door, being prodded by the holo-dad.

"So, do you want to talk about it?" Dib asked carefully, slightly afraid of invoking his younger sister's wrath. Gaz sighed, clenching her teeth together. Damn her body for being so noisy when she least expected it.

"Let's just say that I have found a new reason to loathe all male beings on two legs, shall we? Now drop it." Her tone was laced with venom as she turned on her Game Slave. "I'm only a few levels away from the main boss. If you ruin this for me, you will know what it is to live in excruciating pain for all eternity, as I have explained to you in the past."

They reached Zim's house, and to Dib's surprise it seemed as though the alien was waiting for them. Normally he was the first one to arrive at the bus stop, and gloated nonstop about how much better he was than the entire population. But not today. Zim stepped out of his house just as they walked by it and joined the siblings.

"Shouldn't you already be at the stop?" Dib asked in confusion. Zim struggled to fight the sheepish look crossing his features.

"I…um…needed to compare your answers to mine for the biology assignment, for I, Zim, am much smarter than the Dib-stink!" Zim shouted, raising a fist above his head. "And I need to prove that by changing some answers," he ended quietly. Dib laughed.

"Aww, poor Zimmy needs help with his homework? The sad little alien is too stupid to get human biology right!" Dib cackled with glee. Zim glowered at the human boy, but received the answers he needed anyway.

The rest of the walk was silent. Not even the sounds from Gaz's handheld gaming contraption let out the faintest of noises, Zim noticed. She was wearing headphones. Zim frowned and tried to get her attention, but she was in the Zone. The bus came and she joined the other brainless peons. It wasn't until she actually reached the doors of the High Skool that she put her game away. She glanced up at Dib and Zim, as though surprised to see them beside her.

"How long has Zim been here?" she asked, and Dib snickered at the doleful look on Zim's face. "Just kidding," Gaz added, patting Zim's shoulder. "I'll see you guys at lunch." With that she was gone.

"Is it just me, or is Gaz acting weirder than normal?" Dib asked.

"Eh, how would I know? I haven't seen anyone all weekend, busy as I was being…busy!" Zim yelled. They went their separate ways.


	7. Chapter 7

Gaz glanced up at the clock and frowned. Her classes were going by rather quickly, it seemed. It was only 10:15 and she was already on her way to the cafeteria. She entered the noisy room with ill-concealed contempt etched on her face, but she located Zim easily enough. Dib, however, was nowhere to be seen.

She sighed and sat across from the alien as he opened a paper bag. "You brought lunch today?"

"Yes, yes," Zim replied, waving a hand distractedly as he pulled out a sandwich. "But that is not the issue! Nay, the problem lies with the time. I believe that your planet is malfunctioning. Everything is going faster than normal."

"That's because it's a half-day, stupid. We go home after this period," a Freshman walking by shouted. Gaz groaned as she saw the outraged look stamped on Zim's face.

"You dare call me stupid? You stupid, _filthy_ earth-stink! You aren't worth my sped-up time!" Zim shouted. "Ow! What was that for?" he demanded as his companion kicked him under the table. He took a huge bite from the sandwich that had the Irken symbol burned into the bread.

"You're too loud. And where's Dib?" Zim took another bite of his sandwich before answering.

"Your brother informed me that he was going to sit with one of the many stupid human females in this pathetic skool," Zim replied. "And he said also to tell you that he is meeting her when skool is finished, as well."

Gaz clenched her small hand into a fist. "I see. Nice to know that he so conveniently figured that I would see you today. The jerk could have given me the message in person." She caught the confused stare Zim was giving her and sighed. "Forget it. It doesn't matter. I'll see you later."

She stood to go as the bell rang. "We might as well go together," Zim said as he walked to her side of the table, finishing his sandwich.

Gaz gave him a long look. "Don't you have to go doom something or other? Or plan for world domination?"

Zim clenched his jaw. "No." They stared each other down for another few seconds before the human lost interest in the game and shrugged.

"Okay. But I'm not taking the bus. I'm walking."

"Good. I don't see why anyone would want to ride that smelly contraption in the first place!" Gaz bit back a chuckle, and seemed to strangle herself in the process. Zim's eyes widened in mild alarm as he pounded her on the back until she coughed. "Did you suddenly forget how to breathe?"

"No. You're stupid." She couldn't help but let the laughter out this time. He was glaring at her when she pulled herself together enough to notice. "Oh, don't take it so personally."

"I do not understand why you insist on laughing at me," Zim complained. "Although it was interesting to see you doing something other than scowl for once," he added as an afterthought.

"I was laughing because you say the weirdest things sometimes. I forget that you're still trying to learn stuff about this place, even though you've been here so long. And what I do with my face is none of your concern." They lapsed into silence as their feet moved on the cement. "Are you still failing in your attempt to rule Earth, or did you give up trying?" she finally asked after ten minutes.

"What I do with my mission is none of your concern," he spat in a mocking tone.

Gaz muttered an obscenity under her breath. "I was just trying to make conversation so I wouldn't die from boredom."

"Then perhaps, stubborn worm baby, you would find it easier to carry on such idle conversation by not being such a callous bitch," the invader said breezily. Gaz froze and stared at him with unbelieving eyes. Did he dare call her that hated term?

"You…you miserable excuse for an invader! I'm going to unleash so much pain upon you!" with that Gaz swung her arm, her fist connecting squarely with his jaw in a vicious uppercut. His head snapped back and he glowered at her, blocking her next punch. "You stupid asshole! Why do you have to be that way?" she shouted as he pinned her arms down. She resorted to kicking, landing a few good blows before he forcibly slung her over his shoulder and marched into his house.

"What is your problem?" he shouted back as he dumped her unceremoniously on the floor. She got up slowly, gritting her teeth against the pain radiating from her back in dark blossoms.

"_You're_ my problem, Zim!" She tried to attack him again, but this time he pinned her against the wall, using two of his metal legs to block hers, and his arms to secure her wrists. He increased the pressure slightly, attempting to intimidate her into submission.

"That came out of nowhere! I have done nothing to invoke your wrath, you pathetic Earth-monkey. Stop being so stupid!" Her eyes widened at his words and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying. Every little thing that had been pestering her over the past few weeks had slowly begun to build up. Now she was at her maximum capacity for stupid things.

With a muffled sob she gave up fighting Zim and slumped to the floor when he backed off at her uncharacteristic show of emotion, the metal legs retracting into his PAK. He looked at her in something akin to concern. About to speak, he was interrupted by Gir returning home. The robot immediately went to Gaz and wrapped its arms around her.

"Aww, Gazzy's leakin' master. We should fix her!" Gir said sadly. "I don't want her to be broken no more."

Zim sighed. "Very well, Gir." He forced Gaz to stand and led her down into the bowels of his base where she would not be seen by prying eyes in such a state of contemptible weakness. He had Gir lead the way to its toy room, which was filled with an odd assortment of junk that included a beanbag couch (apparently the only useful item in the entire room). Gir went to find a present to cheer its friend up with and Zim took a seat beside Gaz, turning to face her. "I think it is time you told Zim what is bothering you, Gaz-human."

Gaz rubbed at her eyes irritably. She glanced at Zim and tried to figure out where to begin. "Take off that lame disguise first," she demanded to buy time.

"I hardly see how that is relevant," Zim replied. "But I guess I will. These horrible contacts itch so badly." He removed the contacts and slipped them into his pocket. The wig was also a relief to remove. He ran a hand over his antennae. "Ah, much better. Now enough stalling, continue!"

"My emotions," she stated numbly. "I'm sick of feeling things for people that I don't want to feel. Maybe it's just hormones or something, but I hate whatever it is. I never cared about anyone before, really, and I don't need some stupid hormone-driven teen to make my life any more miserable than it already is."

Zim frowned as he tried to comprehend what she was saying. He was learning about the human anatomy in biology class, so he knew the meaning of "hormones", but he sensed that there was something else to it. "You are going to have to explain what you mean by 'hormone driven,'" Zim said. "I have a feeling that you do not mean what you say literally."

Gaz sighed. 'Figures I would confess to a guy that hasn't the slightest clue as to what anything means,' she griped silently. Out loud: "Do you understand human relationships? Like dating and all that stuff?"

"A bit; I have studied up on some of your mating rituals…purely for scientific reasons, I assure you!" Zim yelled.

"Good. Well, if you know the basics, then I'm not going to go into too much detail. This guy in my art class asked me out on a date, under the pretense that he was both physically attracted to me and that we seemed like we might be companionable." Gaz paused, feeling rather odd about explaining all of this to an alien. "As it turns out, he didn't want to be with me. He simply wanted to…get in my pants."

Zim turned his gaze down to the jeans she was wearing. "From my observation of your species, the males seem to be larger than the females by a usually noticeable amount. How would he fit into your pants?"

Gaz groaned at his ignorance, but a quiet snicker escaped from her mouth anyway. "I don't mean literally. I mean…he wanted to have sex with me. And that's where the 'hormone-driven' thing comes in. The urge is caused by hormones." One of his antennae raised slightly, a sign she took to be he was confused. "He wanted to mate," she added flatly.

Zim understood that well enough, but there were still some things that were not so clear. "Is that not the purpose of going on a date though?"

"Well, I guess it is, in the end. But you usually do that after several dates. It's supposed to be about more than just the physical aspects of being with someone. There's an emotional attachment as well. You're supposed to see if you're compatible or not." She stopped, thinking. "Most animals on this planet mate for the sole purpose to create offspring. Humans, and some other animals, however, mate as a leisure activity as well. Supposedly it feels good. Nowadays mating is a little more casual. Strangers do it often enough, and that's fine if you're careful, but I don't like being lied to about what someone wants from me."

"Something else must have happened besides him just deceiving you though," Zim interjected. "I don't see you as the type of human that would be so easily upset over that. You would just doom him."

Gaz allowed herself to smirk. "Fair enough. The problem lies in the fact that I was somewhat attracted to him. And when I turned him down, which I actually tried to do _nicely_, he said some obscene things to me and started acting like a complete jerk. And to top things off the next day he was outside every single one of my classes with some girl he was already dating, spreading rumors about me."

It was silent for what felt like a long time. Zim stirred uncomfortably on Gir's sofa. "You humans and your pitiful emotions," he said at last. "Your race confuses me, Gaz-being. Everyone spouts out nonsense words of love and peace, but they do just the opposite. I've been reading up on your history. All you seem to do is destroy things and make each other unhappy."

"That's one of the reasons I question your mission, Zim. We seem to be doing a fair job of killing ourselves off. What's the use in interfering with the inevitable?" Gaz asked quietly. "And for another thing, why am I even here? It's not like we're friends or anything." She was angry again.

"Shut up. It is not my fault that you do not wish to be allies. I actually tried on several occasions, much to my surprise, but you don't want anything to do with me unless you are forced into it. I even went so far as to give you my favorite lighter. So don't start up about how you're all alone on this stupid dirt ball," Zim interrupted her before she could even begin. "If it makes you so unhappy to be here, then leave."

She looked at him in surprise. "You're kicking me out?" She glared down at her hands and shook her head. "This isn't how it's supposed to be going. It isn't right."

"What are you going on about?"

"Zim. Irkens don't feel, right? You told me once that your race has no need for emotions." She looked at the alien as he nodded his head.

"Yes, that is correct. When we are 'born' we are given a PAK which stores memories, information, et cetera, as well as suppressing whatever hormones and other unknown substances are used in the creation of feeling emotions. It also downloads a preprogrammed personality." He paused, an antenna raising thoughtfully. "Of course there are always a few Irkens that get stuck with a faulty PAK. No one really knows what happens or how one lives with such a thing. Nine times out of ten either the PAK is replaced or the Irken is put to death. There is no use in the empire for a Defective."

"What about the other one time?" Gaz asked, forgetting what she had been trying to get at.

"Banishment, I guess. Exile." He gave Gaz a look that she didn't like. She wanted to move away from him, but found she had no energy left from crying like a little girl. "What are you trying to get at, _human_?" He waited impatiently for her answer.

"I don't want my emotions anymore. I want your help in getting rid of them. You said it yourself, human emotions are pitiful. I'm sick of being pitiful."

"What, do you think I just attach a PAK to your spine and you'll be right as rain?" Zim asked incredulously.

"I don't know how it works. You tell me," Gaz replied evenly.

"One, your brother would kill me. Two, it's extremely painful once you're not a smeet anymore. Three, that means going back to Irk and I cannot do that."

"What the hell is a smeet?"

"Baby, or small child. Something like that in your Earth language. And aside from those reasons, you have chosen wrong in finding help with this problem."

Gaz tilted her head up to glare at him. "What do you mean I 'chose wrong'? _You're_ the one that insisted on knowing why I was upset, and now you say I chose to find help in the wrong place? I don't know why I even bothered."

Zim stood and hoisted her up as well. "I believe it is time for you to leave, human." He pulled her along the hallway to the elevator. Once at the house level he pushed her towards the door. "Get out. And if I hear that you have breathed one word of what I told you, I will kill you."

Gaz looked at him searchingly and decided that he wasn't joking. "Fine. Stupid jerk." She left and slammed the door behind her.

On the walk home she contemplated telling Dib all that she had learned about Zim's PAK, but almost immediately decided against it. If she said something, not only would Zim maybe kill, but he could do worse: he could tell everyone that she had cried over a boy.

She narrowed her eyes. That was not allowed to happen under any circumstances. She altered her course. She needed to think.


	8. Chapter 8

"Stupid worm baby female!" Zim shouted after he was sure she was out of hearing distance. He slumped onto the couch and stared at the muted television.

"Why do you hate Gazzy?" Gir asked innocently as it played with the toy it had been about to give the girl before she was suddenly kicked out.

"I don't hate her, Gir. But I should! She is an annoying, pesky, evil and cruel younger appendage of the Dib-monkey. And she is so infuriating!"

"Aw, I like the purple-head girl. She's pretty. And she made biscuits with me! They's got sugar all in 'em!" the robot shouted as it went to retrieve the cooling batch. It returned, setting the basket next to its master. "They're all sparkly!"

"Yes, I suppose she has some good points…but –" He was cut off by Gir shoving a biscuit into his mouth.

"You can eat 'em too! She made 'em so that you can! She asked me how," Gir whispered in awe. Zim chewed on the flaky goodness and managed to choke it down without showing signs that he actually enjoyed it. His next words ruined his stoic façade.

"That attractive dirt-child is a culinary genius!" He shouted, then shut his mouth abruptly, horrified by what he had just said about a human. "Gir. You are not to repeat a word of that, do you understand?" he demanded quite seriously.

Gir rocked back and forth as it held onto its feet, giggling inanely. "I like moose."

"Gir! This is serious! Pay attention!"

"Yes, my master!" Gir immediately stood and saluted, its narrowed eyes turning red. "Mission: do not tell the Gaz-human master's true feelings. I love Gazzy!"

"What do you mean by 'true feelings'? You stupid robot, I should just disassemble you! You irritate me!" Zim shouted. Gir hugged Zim's leg.

"Aw, don't be sad, master. You should just tell Gazzy the truth about why you can't help her."

"Never! It's bad enough that her stink-beast of a brother knows part of the reason. If she were to find out as well it would be a breach in security. I can't allow that to happen." He stood and marched to the door. "I'm going for a walk, I'll be back shortly."

Zim walked through the park, making sure to drag his feet in the loose soil with each step; leaving miniature trenches in his wake. "Maddening human females," he grumbled under his breath. This was ridiculous! Zim had tried to be agreeable, but the stubborn girl had wanted nothing to do with him, despite the signals that she had been giving off. It made absolutely no sense.

But what bothered him the most was that he cared. Perhaps he had been stuck on this rock for far too long. Maybe it was a bad idea to almost befriend some of the indigenous life. Whatever the reason he was starting to feel things he had not been aware he had the capability to experience. It was unsettling.

Wanting to help Gaz with whatever was going on to make her act so cold was also rather uncharacteristic of the normally arrogant and self-absorbed alien. He pondered over this as he walked, face tilted toward the sky. Looking at the clouds ensured that he had no idea where he was going.

A most acceptable excuse as to why he tripped over the poor girl trying to hide her existence by sitting beneath a willow tree. "Hey, watch it asshole! Oh…it's you," Gaz said warily.

Zim recovered from nearly falling and looked down at the glaring teen before him. "Yes." He began to walk away, but she yanked on his sweatshirt. He overbalanced, coming to land beside her. "What?" he asked in annoyance.

"Not so fast, space boy. I wanted to tell you that I obviously wasn't being myself at your house earlier. And I do appreciate you trying to talk to me." She shook her head. "You're probably still pissed at me, and I can understand that. But try not to hate me forever, okay?"

Zim sighed. "I don't hate you. But I do mean what I said about your attitude. I'm not going to offer you pity or sympathy simply because you demand me to."

"This isn't easy for me, you know. The whole trying to be civil thing."

"And you think it's easy for me? I was an Invader! One of the Irken elite. And now I am being forced to conform to your weak race's standards. Have you any idea how difficult this is? I'd love to see you try fitting in on an alien planet where everyone is a potential enemy, quite possibly hell-bent on having you dissected. Personally I do not wish to be torn to pieces and studied." Zim rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Would you settle for calling a truce?"

Gaz blinked. A truce? Not an unreasonable request, but she wasn't about to let him off the hook that easily. "Only if you answer me one question. What did you mean by you _were_ an Invader?"

"Exactly what it sounds like. I have no desire to discuss such a thing at this time though, particularly not in the open." He watched as she stood up and extended her hand to him. He accepted the help and waited.

"It's a truce then." She fumbled in her pocket for a tiny metal object and tossed it to Zim as she walked away. He looked down at the lighter in his hands and grinned at the skull engraved on the front.


	9. Chapter 9

Gaz locked herself in her room when she returned from the park and flung herself down on her bed. She snickered a little as the aging springs of her mattress groaned in pain at her weight atop them. The smirk vanished when she thought back to her exchange with Zim in the park.

She would find out what was going on. Her curiosity would eat her alive if she didn't.

Dib beat on her door and she had to force herself to remain calm as he ranted about how she shouldn't go out alone anymore, especially around Zim.

"What's the big deal, Dib?" she demanded as she finally opened the door. "He's _your_ friend, not mine. Aside from the fact that we want nothing to do with each other, he wouldn't dare try anything on me. He knows that I'd kick his ass. I've done it before." She pushed past her annoying sibling and started down the hall. He followed, still insistent on having his say.

"I'm not sure about that, Gaz. He keeps asking about you, and acting weird. And I've found you two together before. Don't deny it."

Gaz turned, her head swimming with questions, but she chose to lock her curiosity in a steel vault in the back of her mind for later. Now it was time for her anger to come through, a time that she relished greatly. "Dib, if you haven't noticed, every single time Zim is around me, Gir is as well. Did it ever cross your mind that I find the robot more tolerable than Zim or any other human on this planet? And for that matter, why don't you just pay attention to your new girlfriend?"

She paused in her monologue, her attention on not tripping over her shoelaces as she tromped down the stairs. "Or did you forget that you have a girlfriend? I would guess it's the latter because you certainly failed to mention her to me. So mind your own business, Dib. I'm not a small child anymore. I can certainly take care of myself. Besides, if you really did care, then you would clue me in on what's going on in your life, rather than have my 'enemy' inform me of such things at your insistence!" She reached the front door and pulled it open forcibly. "And for another thing – who are you?" Gaz demanded, staring at the blonde girl that stood on their front step.

Dib stepped in front of his sister, taking the girl by the hand and leading her in the house. "Gaz, this is Lisa. We're in the same chemistry class together. She came over to study."

"Oh, is that your girlfriend?" Gaz inquired, looking the girl up and down. The girl in question glared at Dib's sister.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. And who are you? Are you cheating on me, Dib?" Lisa demanded, turning her glare on him.

"No, this is my sister, Gaz," he said lamely, his failed attempt at introducing them. Lisa smirked.

"What a relief. I would hate for you to be going out with something that looks like _that_," Lisa laughed. Dib gave his sister a pleading look not to doom them, and Gaz shrugged, but made it clear that he would pay dearly…just at a later point in time. She spun on her heel and slammed the door behind her.

"Stupid Dib," she muttered to herself as she kicked a rock in her path. "Figures he would find some stupid blonde girl with a brain the size of a peanut." She looked back at her house. She longed to go back inside to her room, but she was still annoyed and didn't want it to look like she was crawling back to her brother while that witch was there. She fumbled in her pocket for her cell phone and a scrap piece of paper. She dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up.

"HELLO?" A voice shouted on the other end after a second ring.

"Why are you shouting?" she replied.

"Who is this? How dare you call my telephone number!"

"It's me."

"Me? I know not of this 'me.' _I_ am me! Not you!"

Gaz sighed. "It's me, Gaz. Stupid. I was wondering if I could stop by in a few minutes. Dib's girlfriend is over, so…"

"Yes, yes. Of course you can stop by, miserable human. I will be down in my lab, so just come down the garbage shoot, I suppose."

"Thanks Zim." She hung up and headed in the direction of Zim's house, a slight bounce to her step.

She was let in by Gir, who immediately clasped its arms around her neck, riding piggy-back style. They went down to its playroom and Gaz played a few rounds of _Galactic Invasion_ while she waited for Gir to fetch Zim.

"Hello, Gaz." Zim entered the room and sat beside her. She raised an eyebrow at his lack of name-suffix, but didn't take her eyes off of the screen.

"Hey, Zim. How's it hanging?" She frowned suddenly. Since when did she start talking to him like he was a friend? Weird.

"All right, I suppose. The usual. So…how do you like Dib's new love monkey?" Zim asked and was surprised when Gaz started to laugh.

"'Love monkey'," she gasped, "what a great concept!" She tried to calm herself. "Perfect description, really. She's horrid. And mean. I can handle someone being mean, but she was completely hostile toward me for no reason whatsoever."

"What did she do?" Zim cleared his throat. He was tempted to tack on something like 'not that I care, of course,' but that didn't seem like the right thing to do to Gaz. She was upset, even if she thought she was masking it well. Which she was. But Zim was not such a big fool as everyone seemed to think.

Gaz shrugged, still avoiding eye contact. "She made fun of the way I dress, and told Dib she was relieved that I'm his sister, and not some girl on the side because of how hideous I am. Apparently I'm ugly. I never realized such a thing. Alas, the great bitch of Dib's heart said I am, so it must be true. Oh, cruel fate." She chanced a look at Zim and blinked in confusion when he began to laugh.

His head was thrown back and his laughter sounded purely maniacal, but Gaz took the opportunity to study her alien companion. He was out of his 'human disguise' and seemed completely at ease in the bowels of his lair. She smiled and let out a small chuckle. "I can't breathe!" Zim shouted, and gasped in air. "Oh, the fact that _she_ called _you_ ugly and made fun of _your_ clothes is just too much! Has she looked in a mirror? She is one of the worse looking stink-beasts I have seen in our school! You look much better than her!"

Gaz shook her head to see if that would help bring her back to reality. "Zim, you do know that she is considered one of the prettiest girls in my grade, don't you? Are you just teasing me?" She was borderline defensive. Zim glanced at her and decided to try to tell the truth in such a way that it would not invoke her wrath.

He sighed. "No, Gaz, I am not teasing you. I do find her to be completely revolting. You are at the very least tolerable, if not occasionally pleasurable to be around." He cringed. "Don't hurt me."

"I'm not going to hurt you Zim. I don't know if you realize it or not, but you just complimented a human. I'm a little startled is all," she confessed. "Oh well, whatever. It's not all that important. I think it's time I kicked some ass." At his worried look she added, "Yours, I mean, in _Bust-A-Cap: the Circus Edition_. What do ya say?"

"I would say that I am thoroughly relieved. How did you know that I have that game anyway?" he asked. She pointed to the bookshelf.

"You have the case right over there. I didn't know that you like that game. It's so cool. I think you're the first being I've met that actually likes it besides me."

"You can call me a 'person' you know." She gave him a confused look. "Ahem. 'Person: noun. An individual of specified character,'" he quoted. "It doesn't necessarily refer to a human, you know."

"True, but most of the time that's the implied meaning. And you're better than any human that I know," she complimented, realizing what she had done a bit too late to take the words back.

"Of course I am better! I am ZIM!" he shouted. At her raised hand and evil glare, he lowered his tone and finished meekly, "and we shall start playing the game now, yes?"

"Sure."

Several hours passed until Gaz realized that she was late getting home. It was nearing midnight. She sat up from her sprawled position on the floor where she had been watching a horror movie with Zim and looked around, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Zim was two feet away, not sleeping, but not entirely conscious either.

She scooted closer to the alien and studied the way his chest barely rose and fell as he breathed. In an uncharacteristic display of affection for something other than a video game, Gaz allowed her hand to trail up the side of his face and over an exposed antenna. The alien let out a small, pleased sound. She repeated the action, fascinated by the effects she was having on him. She, Gaz Membrane, seemed to be making someone else happy, even if he wasn't fully conscious.

She moved to do it a third time when he suddenly sat up, bumping his head against hers. "Ow, what did you do that for?" she demanded angrily. "That hurt!"

"That's what you get for being so close to me," he replied stubbornly. "Besides, I started to feel something odd and I wasn't sure if we were in danger or not."

"No, it was just me. Did I hurt you?"

"On the contrary. It felt rather pleasant, oddly enough." He eyed her suspiciously. "What were you trying to do to me anyway?"

"I was, um…trying…to wake you up. You looked like you were asleep or something."

"Irkens have no need for sleep. I was simply in an idle mode. How did you do that?"

"Are you going to freak out if I touch you?" Gaz questioned dryly. He glared at her, but shook his head.

"No. You've already done it, so it can't be all that bad when I'm fully conscious." Taking that as a cue that she had permission, Gaz reached out her hand once again to touch his antenna. This time she made a circle with her thumb and fingers, applying a bit more pressure to the black protrusion on his head. He nearly purred with delight, and had to stop himself from leaning into her gentle ministrations. She pulled back, surprised by his conscious reaction.

"It's almost midnight, I think I should go home now," she mumbled, standing. She reached a hand down to help Zim up. He accepted it and leapt to his feet.

"I can walk you, if you so desire," he offered, surprising himself. She shrugged and they made their way to the terrestrial level of the base.

"What did it feel like?" Gaz asked suddenly, forcing herself not to turn and face him. She was sure that he was probably staring at her like she was insane.

"Sensory overload," he replied. "An odd sensory overload that was not together unsatisfactory." He winced when she stopped suddenly, turning to face him head-on.

" 'Not together unsatisfactory?' What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She didn't bother to wait for an answer, walking more rapidly than before. Zim hurried to catch up and heard only snatches of her solo conversation. "Stupid idiot, letting yourself get used like that. Ugh, moron!"

"Gaz-human, I was not using you! You stupid human!" Zim exclaimed. "You asked me what it felt like, and I merely told the truth. I would not use you," he said in a more quiet voice. "I…apologize if I upset you," he added grudgingly. "I'm not so good with tactful human conversation just yet."

She bit her lip to keep tears at bay, not wanting to be weak again. "Well, you aren't the only one with that problem." They finished their walk in silence. "Thanks for walking me home, Zim. You're a much better…person…than my brother seems to think. You're decent." With that she ran inside the house. Zim turned to walk back to his home, pondering on what she meant by her comment about her brother.


	10. Chapter 10

_Just a little warning real quick: some sexual humor in this one, but nothing too extreme or dirty, I promise. Just wanted to warn everyone ahead of time if it's not something you feel comfortable reading._

_This feels like a longer chapter than usual…maybe because it took a bit more effort to put into words what's going on in my head. Thank you to those that inspired me with encouraging words; hopefully the next few chapters will be up quicker than this one was…Okay, sorry for the interruption._

Story starts here:

Gaz was in a bad mood. Dib shook his head at the thought. "The understatement of the year," he grumbled under his breath as he rummaged through his locker for his chemistry textbook.

"What year precisely? And what have you understated?" Zim asked from his left. Dib jumped in surprise, slamming his locker door shut.

"Damn it, Zim! Can't you say 'hello' like a normal person?" he demanded. "And I was referring to Gaz's bad mood." He glanced over at the alien. "You look…happy."

"I do? Well, fear not Dib-stink! I do not feel this happy thing you speak of. I am not ill." Zim frowned in confusion as Dib shook his head and began to walk towards the science hallway. "What did I say?" He quickened his pace to keep up.

"Happiness is an emotion, not an illness." Dib paused and studied Zim thoughtfully. "Then again, maybe it is to you."

"If you were attempting to make a joke, you failed miserably. So where is your sister, anyway? Doesn't she normally hang around by our class to make sure we go? I don't see her anywhere." Zim craned his neck to see over the gaggle of students crowding the hallway, but there was no sign of the violet-haired girl. Dib shrugged.

"She's probably sulking in the girls' bathroom or planning to blow something up," he replied.

"Actually, she's standing right behind you, and you should know her well enough that she doesn't sulk." Gaz stated flatly from behind them. The two boys spun around to find her leaning against the wall. "I have nothing to sulk about in the first place," she added, glaring at her brother.

Zim smirked and caught her eye. She glanced away hurriedly, but not before allowing a smug look to cross her features. "How goes, Gaz-human?" he asked.

"As well as can be, I guess. Especially after Saturday." She was positive that she was blushing, but a hand to her cheek revealed it to be cool. Gaz managed to keep a straight face with some difficulty after seeing the suspicious glare on her brother's face.

"Ah, yes. Saturday was most enjoyable," Zim agreed with an evil chuckle. He reveled in making the Dib-monster squirm so deliciously with ill-concealed anger. "Perhaps we should do it again tonight, hm?"

"I'll see what my schedule looks like. You lasted for quite a while last time, remember? I can't be late getting home, especially on a school night." Gaz smiled at Zim and he wondered how she was able to maintain such a composed attitude.

"What are you talking about? What did you do to my sister, Zim?" Dib shouted. Several people walking by glanced over in curiosity. "What you two are doing is sick and just plain wrong! You aren't allowed around her anymore!" He paused in his tirade when Zim and Gaz couldn't help themselves and burst into laughter.

"What are you talking about, you insufferable moron?" Zim demanded between gasps of air as he leaned against Gaz to remain standing. Gaz stiffened slightly but allowed the alien to use her as a pillar.

"Yeah, what exactly are you insinuating?" she added gleefully. She quite enjoyed watching her older brother suffer. 'Who would've thought Zim would torture my brother like this?' she wondered mentally, enjoying it.

"Aren't you two talking about sex?" her baffled sibling asked in confusion. This innocent question proved to be the perfect catalyst to push their merriment to a higher level. Gaz, unable to support herself, dropped to her knees, Zim falling beside her. They leaned against one another to keep from collapsing on the floor.

"Dib, you are _such_ a moron!" The alien and the girl regained composure after a near minute had passed. "We were talking about _Galactic Invasion_. We have a game saved together. Idiot."

"Yeah. Besides: 'Don't have sex, man. Sex leads to kissing, and pretty soon you'll have to talk to them,'" Zim quoted Steve Martin. "I am not such a cunning linguist as to possess the intellect required to converse with your sister."

Gaz chuckled a bit, wondering if Dib had caught on to that bit of innuendo. Probably better if he didn't. "Anyway," she said as she helped Zim to his feet, "the bell is about to ring. I have to be off to biology. See ya later." With that she disappeared into one of the classrooms.

Zim and Dib entered their own class and sat at a lab table together. Zim had to suppress the shudder that always went through him when he faced a lab table. Such pieces of furniture caused him to experience flashbacks of when Dib had threatened to dissect him. Oh well, at least he could be grateful they had never been in the same biology class.

Zim pulled a notebook from the messenger bag he carried and began to copy notes from the board. He paused when he noticed Dib glaring at him. "What is your issue, dirt-monkey?" he hissed in a whisper.

"I thought I told you to stay away from Gaz," was the heated reply. Zim glanced over at his bench-mate and frowned.

"It isn't as though we are mating or anything. You should be relieved that she actually spends time with someone other than herself since you're too busy for her." The words were out before Zim could stop himself, but he was annoyed now. "How is your girlfriend anyway? Still hating everyone that you're acquainted with?"

Dib winced and turned in his seat to find Lisa glaring at him from her table three rows back. He lifted his hand in greeting before ducking forward again. "She only hates you and Gaz."

"And that does not bother you? Even though Gaz is your sister, she is a better human female than your love-monkey is. There are far worse people she could be allied with. I should be the least of your fears."

"You're an _alien_!" Dib exclaimed. Their teacher looked up from her desk and hissed in their general direction. The boys hunched over their notebooks.

"You're a _moron_!" Zim retaliated quietly.

"Zim! Dib! I have had enough of your constant interruptions! I am going to separate you two!" The teacher stood and moved them forcibly to tables on opposite sides of the room.

Seconds later Zim looked up to glare at Dib, who had thrown a paper ball at his head. He unwrinkled the paper and read the contents: _Stay away from my sister, Zim. I'm not kidding!_

Zim rolled his eyes and chewed on his pen cap as he tried to think of a good reply. Finally he wrote _Make me, Earth-stink! Besides, I don't think Gaz would be very happy if she knew you were trying to control her life. She _does _have more brain cells than your pitiful love slave._ He threw it back, hitting Dib in the nose. Snickering, he pulled out a scrap sheet of paper and added _You suck like a vacuum cleaner_, aiming for his eye.

Dib howled in pain and embarrassment, but settled down when the teacher started to hiss again. He read the notes and sent Zim his best death glare. Zim shrugged it off, and when the bell rang he nearly skipped out of the room.

He found Gaz at her locker easily enough and leaned against the wall casually. "Hello Gaz."

Gaz eyed him warily. "Zim. You seem to be in a rather good mood. Are you feeling all right?"

Zim laughed at her hesitant concern and shook his head. "Yes, Gaz, I feel fine! I have just defeated your brother in a paper ball message battle! Of course, I (ZIM!) should come out victorious," he informed her. She sighed and pulled out her English book.

"How could I have doubted you for a second?" she questioned sarcastically, but the humorous tone in her voice dissipated when she caught sight of her brother. He looked ready to kill something. She pulled on Zim's arm and dragged him down a twisty hallway the alien had never noticed before. As they turned the corner Dib spotted them and hastened to get through the mob of teenagers. Gaz quickened the pace.

"Where are you taking me?" Zim demanded as Gaz pushed him through a door and shut it quietly.

"Shut up," she hissed in a whisper and clamped a hand down across his mouth. They could hear the slow, approaching footsteps of who they thought was her irked brother. As the steps went by and faded away, Gaz loosened her hold on her 'captive'. "What did you do to him to make him so angry?"

"Well, I…" Zim trailed off, fiddling with his hands. "Look, he's the one that started it. I don't even know what I did to make him so mad. He's stupid! He's crazy!"

"I'm not going to doom you or anything. I asked a question and I can't punish you if you tell me the truth." She twisted the doorknob, but it refused to move. She pounded on the door and readied herself to break through the locked nuisance, but Zim pulled her back.

"What _are_ you doing?" he demanded. "I'm pretty sure this isn't a normal human custom when talking to someone in a…um, where are we anyway?" He looked around the tiny area. Gaz massaged her throbbing wrist and shrugged.

"Either a broom closet or the janitor's office. And the door is locked. I can't get out." She looked at Zim. "Unless you have some fancy alien technology that can get us out of here. I'm actually hungry for once. I don't want to miss lunch."

Zim stepped closer to the metal door. "Hrm. Well, let's see." A robot arm extended from his PAK and he fiddled with the tiny opening in the doorknob that led to the inner lock. After several moments he gave up. "Nope, I guess not." He slumped against one wall, resting his arm on a mop bucket. "Someone will have to open the door eventually though, right?"

"I'm not sure. This hallway isn't really used anymore." She sat across from him. "Well at least now you don't have an excuse not to tell me how you got on Dib's bad side."

Zim sighed in frustration. "I think that we upset him earlier with our little joke on mating. We went to class and he kept glaring at me. So when I asked him what his problem was, he told me that he had warned me about staying away from you." He noticed Gaz's eyes narrow and snickered. "I told him that he should be happy that you're hanging out with at least somebody, and that I should be the least of his worries. Not to mention the fact that I told him his girlfriend is hideous, you wouldn't be happy if you knew what he was doing, and that you're better than his girlfriend." He looked up and dared to meet her eyes. She looked absolutely livid. "And I told him that he sucks like a vacuum cleaner."

The ire seemed to be absorbed back into her skin as she cracked a smile, then snickered. "That's great." She began to laugh. "Where do you come up with this stuff?" she demanded, and then sobered at the thought that she had been laughing a lot more in the past few weeks.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, no. I'm just wondering why Dib doesn't want you around me. I mean, you guys are friends." She glanced at him. "Does this have anything to do with you not being an Invader anymore?"

Zim squirmed under her piercing gaze. "Perhaps." Silence ensued for a good minute before the alien couldn't take it any longer. "Okay, I'll talk!" he shouted.

"You are a nut case."

"I know not of these cases of nuts, but I can assure you that I own no such thing," he replied heatedly. "This is going to be a bit difficult to explain. Be patient with me." At her nod, he tried to think of how to begin. "I have been banned from my home planet. It happened nearly two years ago, so do not give me such a simpering look. It stung at first, yes, but I will survive! Oh, what surviving will I do!"

"Zim." He put his hands down, looked at her. "Get on with it."

He cleared his throat. "Yes. Well, several months ago, during your horrible winter period, I received a transmission from the Tallest. I think it was by mistake. It was a listing of all the Irken Defects that were to be eliminated; the Defects that could not be fixed. I could not believe some of the names I saw. Invaders that I had known since I was but a smeet! Other Irkens that made my delicious snacks on Foodcourtia. The worst of it was when I saw my own name on the list. But it had already been crossed out."

Gaz was slightly confused. "But how is that the worst of it? Obviously they feel that you are of no threat to the empire, so you won't be hunted down. Isn't that a good thing? You can live the rest of your life in peace."

Zim shook his head, feeling something akin to sadness. "I am beginning to feel." He glanced up at her. "And it is the most terrifying thing I have ever been faced with."

"Well, feeling isn't all that bad," she said haltingly, surprised that those very words would have come from _her _mouth. "Besides, you have experience with a few of them. You said you are allowed to feel satisfaction, anger, pride…and I know that you have been sad before. Disappointed. Confused. Hurt. You've already felt so much more than you realize. What's adding on a little more going to do to you?"

"I can handle the 'negative' emotions. It is true what you say, about me feeling all of those before. But the Irken race has not been allowed to feel 'positive' emotions in a very, very long time. It does odd things to my squeedily spooch." He sighed for a dramatic effect, and in doing so missed the predatory gleam in Gaz's eyes. She grinned maliciously before pouncing on the unguarded alien.

"Does this do odd things to your squeedily spooch?" she asked in an almost scientific manner as she reached beneath his wig and stroked an antenna. He quite literally purred at the unexpected attention, and struggled to fight her off.

"Yes, now stop that at once, you intolerable female!" he shouted and she backed off. "Honestly," he said as he straightened his wig, "how would _you_ like it if someone went around messing with your hair?" To prove a point he dragged a gloved claw through her hair.

She smirked in amusement. "I feel like a cat. Should I start purring too?" she teased. The smirk evaporated when he brushed against the sensitive skin behind her ear. She shuddered. "What…what was that?" she demanded, eyes wide. "That felt really weird."

Zim pulled his hand away quickly. "What? I didn't do anything! Did I hurt you?"

"No, but…" She trailed off, unsure of how to word her thoughts. She pulled her hair back and pulled the mass of it over the opposite shoulder. She ran a finger along her neck. "You touched me somewhere, and it was like this weird jolt went through me. I've never felt something like that before." She continued to search as Zim watched in silence, then gave up. "I can't find it. I guess it was just a weird screw-up on my biology's part."

"Should I try to find it? Maybe you're just not as superior as I at finding rebellious flesh," Zim said with a smug expression plastered to his face.

"I'm not going to say one word about how weird that sounded," she replied, but leaned her body forward and tilted her head at a slant. "You can try, but take that stupid glove off first. I don't like the way it feels against my skin, and it's not like I have cooties."

"Very well," he sighed in faux annoyance. He pulled the glove off and folded it neatly in his lap before extending a claw to touch her skin lightly. It was quite a different experience. "Your skin is very warm," he noted and she blushed slightly.

"I _am_ alive, you know," she retorted, but closed her eyes to try and figure out where his touch affected her most.

"Feels kind of like peach skin," he added as he swiped the sensitive area once again. Her eyes flew open.

"Right there! Do it again," she demanded, her brain going a mile a minute. He did, hesitantly. "That's definitely the place." She reached her hand up and touched it, brushing against Zim's claw. They froze and stared at each other. "What's going on?" Gaz whispered.

"I don't know," Zim whispered back. She bit her lip as she tried to look anywhere but his eyes. She fell pray to staring at his mouth. Gaz used her other hand to try to touch the fascinating orifice, just wanting to see what the texture would feel like beneath her fingertips. She had just barely come in contact with them when the door swung open. The two immediately jumped away from one another, the spell broken.

A little old janitor lady looked at them in surprise. "Hello there, dearies. Shouldn't you two lovebirds be in class, instead of holing up in some closet?" she inquired politely.

Zim and Gaz exchanged a glance. "We got locked in," Gaz said abruptly and pulled on Zim's sleeve. They walked toward the cafeteria. "If we missed lunch, you owe me one," she growled. Her tone softened as she looked up at the alien. "And I think it would be a good idea if you didn't say anything to Dib about this."

"Agreed." They walked down the hall, each lost in their own thoughts.


	11. Chapter 11

Dib's younger sister gave him a look that could only be described as enraged beyond all reason. He swallowed nervously and took a step back, only to realize that he had just trapped himself in a corner. "Gaz, I –"

"Shut up!" she immediately interrupted. "I've always known that you're annoying, insane, and obsessive about dissecting Zim, which I had hoped that you would maybe outgrow one day, but this…" She threw down a tiny spy camera at Dib's feet. "This is just plain unacceptable! What possessed you to think that you have the right to invade my privacy like this?" He winced as she crushed one of his most beloved tools under her boot. Then she stomped on it several times, partly to make a point and partly to relieve some anger.

"Gaz, I think Zim is up to something! Something bad that involves you! I don't want you to get hurt. You have to believe me," he finished meekly as he shuddered beneath her daunting look.

"So you thought that it would be a good idea to put cameras all over the house? You went in my room, Dib. No one should _ever_ go in my room." She sighed. "I really don't want to have to make you wish I was never born. And to think I was in a somewhat good mood." She cracked her knuckles and grinned wickedly, stepping closer to her brother. "Oh well, I guess you'll have to pay the price."

"Gaz isn't there something I can do to convince you not to kill me?" he pleaded. She hesitated for a second, almost pondering his request seriously.

"Yes. Go to sleep."

"Go to…what?" he asked before he slumped to the ground. Gaz shook her head as she placed the metal candlestick holder back on the end table. He would have a good-sized lump on his head to look forward to when he woke up.

Using a good portion of her strength, the semi-placated girl dragged her brother to his bedroom and tied him to his bed after removing his shirt. She skipped down the hallway with enthusiasm to her own room to retrieve her multi-colored permanent markers.

Gaz whistled quite cheerfully as she drew on her brothers chest and arms. A smile couldn't help but escape as she studied her handiwork ten minutes later. She capped her markers and went around the house, gathering up the rest of the cameras Dib had set up. She placed them in strategic locations about his bedroom, each one focused on the bed. She sat at his computer and programmed his disk drives to record his actions after she left so that she would be able to watch later. Save for one camera. That one was going to be put to very good use indeed.

* * *

Zim paced around his living room, scowling in annoyance and frustration. He had been trying to recreate the feeling Gaz had brought on when she had touched his antenna without any luck. He was not liking this emotion thing at all. Not one bit. It was quite unfair that he could not cause his body to feel such a wonderful sensation when a mere Earthanoid dirt-child could.

"How did she do it?" he demanded aloud. Gir looked away from the television and studied its master in a seemingly thoughtful way.

"It's hormones!" it suddenly shouted with joy and pointed to the show playing. Two teenagers looked as though they were trying to swallow the other's head. Zim shuddered in disgust. "The hormones make you do that!"

"That biology-teaching filth at that school never told us that hormones turn the humans into _cannibals_! Ugh, hideous creatures!" Zim shouted. "First the Halloweenies with their candy-fiending zombie heads and now this! Disgusting!"

"Actually, that's what humans like to call kissing," Gaz informed the alien. He turned around and fell over Gir in his shock at seeing her in his house.

"How did you get in my house?" he demanded as he attempted to regain composure. "The door was locked!"

"Your malfunctioning robot parents let me in. You were too busy screaming at the top of your lungs to hear the doorbell ring," she replied and held up a CD. "Anyway, if you're done making a fool of yourself, I have something that I think will take your mind off of zombies and cannibals." She shook her head.

"What are you doing that for? I'm normal!" Zim announced with a fist raised in the air.

"Whatever. Just take me downstairs to the computer. Trust me, you'll love this," Gaz said. Zim winced.

"I know of this love you speak, and it is painful and filled with meat! I want nothing to do with your painful meat love," he declared.

She rolled her eyes at the alien. "Not that kind of love, stupid. I meant that you'll hopefully find it amusing, if nothing else." He didn't reply. "Oh, come on. I wouldn't purposely hurt you, and you know it. So let's get going all ready. I don't know how long he's going to be unconscious for."

Zim's antennae perked up in curiosity. "Very well, human." He led her down to one of the many large-screen computer rooms and found her a seat. She handed him the CD and he inserted it into the ROM drive. A window popped up and he frowned. "What is this? A remote access link? I don't have the password to get into the system it wants to connect to."

"That's where I come in." She took the keyboard and stared at it. "Um…how do you use this thing? I don't know what any of these symbols mean."

"It's in Irken," Zim explained as he carefully stole the keyboard away from her. "Tell me what the password is and I'll type it in."

"B-I-G-F-O-O-T-R-O-C-K-S," she spelled and bit her lip at the unbelieving look he gave her. "Don't look at me like that. We're going into Dib's computer…not mine."

"Ah. You know, Gaz, it seems that I learn something new about you every day. I did not know that you are technologically compatible."

" 'Technologically compatible?' Do you mean computer savvy?" she questioned. He waved his hand in indifference.

"Yes, whatever. I know what I meant. Now what am I looking for exactly?"

She pointed. "Click on that little camera icon, and then wait. This is going to be great." The cursor counted down in what Gaz assumed was Irken numbers, and then the live feed kicked in. Zim stared at the video before him. He zoomed in using the controls and began to record, laughing hysterically as he did so.

Dib had appeared on the screen with phrases such as 'ghosts are my friends' and 'I Love Bigfoot more than Lisa' scrawled on his skin in a bold red color; handwriting Zim recognized belonging to Gaz. Green alien stick figures and robot ships were drawn between the phrases, as well as pink hearts and stick figure fairies. 'Insane' was printed on his forehead with black. He was awake and attempting to pull himself free of the restraints that kept him strapped to his bed.

Zim looked away from the screen and tried to stop laughing as he looked at Gaz. She beamed at him proudly. "What do ya think?" she asked.

"I think you are quite amazing in your creativity to torment your fellow species," he replied. "What did he do to deserve such a thing? Will that wash off?"

"Not any time soon," she answered, thinking. "If he scrubs hard enough at it there's a chance it'll come off by Monday. Otherwise he might be stuck going to school like that for at least three days. And you don't want to know what he did."

"Yes, I do. He obviously upset you enough to do that and show it off to me. Have you done something that needs to be forgiven by me? Is this some sort of gift?"

"_I_ haven't done anything." She stated sharply. She stood to leave. "I should have known that you would assume I did something wrong." He grabbed her wrist and clamped down tightly.

"You assume wrong. I am merely trying to guess at what has happened. Don't leave." Under his breath he added a disgruntled, "Please."

She growled angrily, but consented and sat down beside him. "Very well," she said and pretended not to notice the fact that he had not let go of her. "Dib put a bunch of spy cameras around the house, and he was so bold as to place one in my room. My room!"

Zim glanced away from the screen to study Gaz for a second. "Why is it so bad that he put one in your room? Aside from the obvious."

"Like I told Dib, no one should ever go in my room."

"Yes, but why?"

"Because…it's not very user friendly, I guess. I'm Gaz Membrane. Creepy and doomy evil girl, remember? It's a scary place to be. Not many are willing to venture in there. Normally dad and Dib just stand in the doorway. But he crossed that line." She paused. "Aside from that, it's my haven. I know it's the one place I can go to get away from it all. I'm safe there. Sounds stupid out loud. Ugh."

Zim turned his attention fully on the girl beside him. "This place can also be used as a haven, if you so desire," he offered, and grew fidgety as she stared at him blankly. "I would like to see your room some day, if I am allowed to." The last sentence was spoken in an attempt to ease the tension that had seemed to envelop them. It worked. Sort of.

"We'll see." It was quiet for almost fourteen seconds until Gaz spoke again. "Do you mean that I can come here whenever I feel like it?"

"Only if I'm here," Zim replied. "The house has a security system that is enabled when I am not on the premises. If someone steps inside without me being here…well, bad things will happen. Unless you're Gir. I set it so that my little slave is safe. I've tested it out."

"Why would you have something like that at all?"

"Dib, mostly. He has given me cause to be paranoid many times in the past. What with his belligerent attitude toward me lately, I felt that it was time I upped the protection around here. Despite getting used to this filthy dirt ball, I still do not wish to be operated upon. My squeedily spooch is very content being _inside_."

"Makes sense, I guess." She glanced down at their hands. "You can let go of my hand now, you know."

"Oh, that." Zim followed her gaze. "I suppose I could, but I rather enjoy the way it feels." He shrugged.

"I still hate your gloves though. So cut it out," she said harshly. Them holding hands was causing her stomach to feel like she was trying to beat the final boss in one of her video games.

"If I remove the glove, may I still keep possession of your hand?" he questioned in exasperation. She contemplated the request. This was becoming confusing to her. The affirmation was out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

'Damn hormones,' she thought as he quickly rid himself of the garment and held her hand once again. It seemed as though her heart was doing a flip when his skin brushed against hers.

"So hormones don't turn humans into cannibals?" Zim asked and for a second Gaz thought that he had read her mind, but a glance to the right showed that he was studying the video of Dib.

"No. Stupid, yes. All physical touchy-feely, yes, but I haven't heard of a single case of cannibalism occurring because of how humans grow," she said. "I guess I could be wrong though. I've been wrong before."

"Very true," he agreed, and she resisted the urge to retort. "However, if that was not cannibalism, then what was it? You called it kissing. What is its purpose?"

"I thought you said you'd done research on human mating rituals!" Gaz exclaimed.

"Well, yes and no. I did not cover the topics of kissing or…hugging. Gir is rather fond of hugging," Zim mused. "I had actually never heard of this kissing before now. Does a kiss always involve lips?"

"At least one pair, yes. You can kiss a person anywhere, really." The human blushed, trying not to think much of what they were discussing.

"Where does one normally kiss another then?"

She studied the alien and poked his forehead, cheek, and mouth. "There, there, and there." She poked his neck exceptionally hard. "Also there, too. In the olden days men used to kiss ladies' hands, but no one does that much anymore."

"Is it…painful?"

Gaz shrugged. "I have no idea. I've never kissed anyone before. Not that I want to," she added quickly in a mumble.

"Why not?"

"Because I just don't want to." She stood and pulled away from Zim. "I'm glad you like the video, but I guess I should let him loose at some point."

"I think you're lying," Zim said with a smirk. He didn't know why he would accuse her of such a thing, but something in his squeedily spooch made him feel as though she were. Instinct, perhaps. She glared at him.

"Drop it, Zim." He knew from the look he was receiving that he should let well enough alone, but he didn't want to. It was almost a thrill to see her riled up.

"No, I don't believe I will," he replied. "Tell me the real reason."

"Fine." She wasn't sure why she was giving up so easily, but she was getting annoyed and wanted to end it. "I don't know how."

"And that's going to stop you? It wouldn't stop me," he replied and shot forward. He brought his lips to her cheek, surprising both of them. He pulled away and shrugged. "It's not that hard to do." He then kissed her forehead and the side of her neck, the same places she had poked him. They were light and innocent, merely the results of curiosity. "It doesn't hurt, either."

"It feels…odd," Gaz decided after a moment. "Now if you've had your fun…" She was starting to feel weird things in her body, things she didn't think she liked much. Like a burning sensation. Electrocution, maybe.

"I haven't kissed you here yet," he responded, pointing to her mouth. She backed away.

"Maybe you shouldn't. I mean, you're only supposed to do that if you like someone."

"But I like you," he said in confusion.

"I mean, like, attracted to," she said to clear things up. He ran his hand along the sensitive spot behind her ear, and she subconsciously tilted her head to the side.

"What about right there?" he asked. To her disbelief she found herself nodding consent. He leaned in and touched his mouth to that tiny patch of skin a bit more forcefully than he had before. She trembled under his touch, her nerves an endless network of short circuits, humming with sensation. He pulled away and her cheek brushed against his.

"Zim, that –" she began, but stopped when he put his clawed hand against her skin again.

"Yes?" he asked and started to lean forward.

The doorbell rang upstairs and sent a loud, obnoxious signal out in the lower levels. The startled friends jumped away from one another. Gaz opened her mouth to speak when Gir ran into the room.

"The big-headed boy is here!" It shouted. "_Why_ is his head so big? Why is his head _sooooooo_ big!" Gir laughed and wrapped itself around Gaz's waist. "He's banging on the door. He needs a waffle!"

Zim glared in annoyance. "I suppose I should see what he wants before he breaks it down." He headed for the door and glanced back at Gaz. "You coming?"

She nodded; suddenly back in control of her body. "Right behind you…I wonder how he got loose." She cursed Dib from the depths of her mind.


	12. Chapter 12

Gaz pulled on Zim's arm as they headed for the elevator. "Hey, it might be better if Dib didn't know I was here. I'm not in the mood to deal with his stupidity."

"Agreed, but I don't want to talk to him either," Zim whined.

"He's _your _friend. You get to see him when you choose. _I_ have to _live _with him," she replied, pushing him toward the elevator. "And it's your house. Unless you want to pretend like you're not home. Either way, do something before those idiot parents of yours let him in."

"What are you going to do in the meantime?"

Gaz shrugged. "I dunno, play with Gir or something. Have fun."

He let her have the final word this time. "Stupid female," he grumbled under his breath as he ascended to the kitchen. Even from there he could hear Dib's insane monologue coming through the door.

"ZIM! I know you're in there! Let me in! Quick, before anyone else stops to stare at me as I scream! ZIIIM!" Dib pounded frantically on the door.

Zim slowed his pace considerably, allowing the Dib-worm to torture himself for a few seconds longer. He wrenched the front door open when he reached it and promptly burst into a maniacal fit of laughter. "What happened to you? Get into a fight with a box of Crayola markers?" Zim snickered.

Dib glowered at the alien. "Shut it before I cut you open." He stepped over the threshold and slammed the door quickly. "Do you have any type of soap that might get this stuff off?"

"Perhaps." Zim led Dib to the kitchen, attempting to muffle his chuckles. "Did you break up with Lisa or something?"

"No. No, of course not. Gaz had some weird mood swing and decided to take her temper out on me. Again. I didn't even do anything!" Dib lied. Zim narrowed his eyes as a flash of rage swelled and receded in a matter of nanoseconds.

"Gaz wouldn't do such a thing without being provoked," Zim pointed out as he pretended to rummage through the cabinets.

"You know how she is," Dib complained. "She was even recording me on my own computer!"

Zim grinned in victory as he found a liquid solution beneath the sink. He held it behind his back as he turned to face the human annoyance standing before him. "I'm rather surprised to see you here at all, Earth stink. You have been hostile toward me ever since I first attempted to be nice to your sister, and you have given no good reason for doing so. You're lucky I let you in my house at all."

"Well…I…I'm just worried. You're an alien, and she's a human."

"Ah, your capacity for stating the painfully obvious never ceases to amaze me," Zim said dryly. He thrust the jug of liquid at Dib. "Take it, and be gone, you miserable excuse for a human." He felt an unusual surge of rage toward the Dib-stink and the intolerance for his and Gaz's…friendship. He shook his head and blamed his feelings on his broken PAK.

Dib followed the alien to the door and berated himself mentally. Zim was the best friend he had ever had, and now he was throwing that away because of his own stupidity. He thanked the alien and left, heading for his house.

Dib's unrelenting self-guilt-trip reached its peak as he washed with the odd liquid that he assumed was alien disinfectant. He looked in the mirror to find that all of the markings were gone. Despite how mean and unfair he was being, Zim had still helped him out. Perhaps it was time to tell Zim the truth as to why he didn't want them around one another.

He called Zim on the phone, who immediately initiated the conversation by stating, "I am a normal human worm baby."

"Zim, it's Dib. I want to apologize for how I've been acting toward you."

There was a pause on the other end followed by a, "Go on."

Dib began to speak with renewed enthusiasm. "Well, you see, I thought that by keeping Gaz away from you, she would try even harder to be friends with you. With the information she gathers on your habits and such, I was going to try to get her to lash out at Lisa and see what happens."

Zim was rather confused. "You were attempting to have Gaz befriend me by forbidding both of us to see one another? So that she would study me and go after Lisa? Is that what you're saying? If so, then you are much more insane than I ever gave you credit for."

"Erm, well, you see…I think Lisa is an alien." There. The truth was out.

"Lisa? An alien?" Zim paused. "She is most intolerable, yes, but to accuse her of being an alien is an insult! And how would Gaz dooming her prove such a thing in the first place?"

"She knows how you act when you're upset or threatened or angry, so I figure get her to start pushing Lisa's buttons the right way and either Gaz will realize that I'm right for a second time, or Lisa will somehow reveal herself to me," Dib stated, grinning madly at the discussion of his genius plan.

"What kind of logic is that?" Zim demanded, then silenced himself as a new thought popped into his head. "So you aren't against Gaz and I being friends?"

"No, of course not! Well, maybe a little bit. I found you first. Besides, she'll probably end up destroying you, and without Lisa revealed, I won't ever be famous for finding an alien and befriend it!"

Zim wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disturbed. "Um, I shall take this as a token of our renewed friendship, however I think I hear the robot parents yelling my wonderous name…YOU'RE INSANE!' Zim shouted and slammed the phone down. He looked around the living room as if in a daze. It seemed that he and the Earth-stink were back to being friends. He pulled a label out of his pocket and studied it.

He almost felt bad about giving Dib the bottle of Temporarily Permanent Marker Laminate Protector (protecting agents seal the color in and make it more vibrant, ensuring that your marker marks will remain where they are looking just like new for up to 28 washes! Do not get in eyes, do not ingest; if not happy with product results return in 24 hours to get your monies back. Directions: Wash areas where you wish the ink to remain somewhat permanently. Let sit for up to 2 minutes. Rinse and repeat. Also try our moisturizing after-protector gel!).

Perhaps he should get out of the habit of peeling the labels off of bottles.

He headed downstairs to find Gaz, who had fallen asleep in a wheelchair Zim kept stashed around different areas of the base for when he was feeling particularly lazy. He smirked as he watched her shift into a seemingly more comfortable position. He crept closer to the unconscious girl and put his face close to hers. He contemplated kissing her where she had forbidden him to do so, but he feared her wrath more than most things. Perhaps later, if he could find a way to restrain her. Instead he put his mouth close to her ear and shouted "Rise and shine, little Earth child!"

She screamed as she was startled awake and punched at her supposed enemy in reflex. He fell backwards, clutching his sore jaw. "Zim, do that again and I will dismember you," she threatened in a cold tone. She glanced around and stretched. "Where's Dib? Did he leave?"

"Um, yes. Yes he did." Zim relayed the events that had occurred to her and she rolled her eyes.

"Figures he would only date a girl in the hopes of proving she's an alien. Maybe he's not as rational as I had thought he was becoming." She eyed Zim suspiciously. "Why did you sound so guilty about giving Dib something to help wash the marker off?"

Zim silently held out the peeled label from the bottle. Her eyes widened in surprise and she couldn't help but pounce on the alien in glee, wrapping her arms about his shoulders tightly. "Zim, you're a genius! He's going to be so furious when he wakes up for school tomorrow!" Zim patted the top of her head, grinning both at the proud feeling she invoked within him at her words of praise, and at the fact that she was willingly touching him in a way not meant to harm.

"I am glad that you approve," he said and she tilted her head up to look at him. Her eyes narrowed as she realized the position they were in. She started to crawl backward to help him up, but he cupped his clawed hand behind her head, at the base of her neck. She knew what he was going to do, but couldn't form any sort of protest to stop him. She smirked and tweaked an antenna as their lips met. It was short and chaste, but oddly sweet.

Gaz pulled away and eyed Zim, wary of the explode-y feeling in her chest. He was smiling like an idiot. Which he is, she thought dryly, but it's kind of…cute. He frowned suddenly. "That was certainly _not_ how they do it on television!"

"No. But maybe it was better. For now," she decided. He nodded his agreement.

"Yes, besides you humans are…what is it? Seventy percent water? Water is toxic to me, if you haven't noticed. Your drool may wound me." He recognized the I'm-beginning-to-want-to-hurt-you look and added defensively, "I am not a fan of pain, unless I am inflicting it upon someone else. But I can research your human makeup and see if I shall die from…kissing…you as they do on television."

She shrugged, relaxing once again. "Well you can research it all you want, I guess. No guarantee we'll do that again though."

To prove her wrong he brushed his lips with hers once more; he also wanted to get her riled up. It was amusing. She glared at him and bit the arm attached to the hand still planted on her neck. Gaz smirked as he howled in mock pain. He studied her for a few seconds before his lips stretched into a grin once again.

"Even though you just bit me, which was uncalled for, this whole thing feels good to me. How we interact with one another. It makes me…um, it makes me…" He broke off, trying to come up with a word accurate enough to describe his emotion.

"Happy? Content, maybe?" she suggested helpfully and snickered as he nodded his head rapidly.

"Yeeesssss. Yes. Happy." His squeedly spooch felt as though it was twisting itself into painful knots when he caught her smiling at him. Perhaps Dib had been right; maybe 'happy' was an illness. Oh well, he would be _happy_ to suffer through it for her.

"I'm going home now. I want to see Dib's reaction to the protector of marker junk you gave him." She ran a hand affectionately over an antenna, and left. He closed his eyes and purred to himself as the lingering effects of her touch played out in his body.


	13. Chapter 13

_Seeing as how I'm a bit pressed for time lately, mostly due to working in a busy coffee shop, I've posted an extra chapter to keep you guys satisfied…please don't hurt me! whimpers Okay, on with the story._

Story starts here:

"Computer, tell me what is in human saliva!" Zim commanded as he got ready for class. He had nearly forgotten about his self-appointed mission until a memory of Gaz was triggered while he was in idle mode. The computer listed off the 'ingredients' in a tone that could only be described as bored, the main one being water. "Will it harm me?" he wondered aloud. To his surprise the computer answered in the negative. Because of the arrangement of molecules, Zim seemed to be quite safe from human dirt-child spit. Where most would have found this subject disgusting, Zim was exhilarated. For once he actually looked forward to going off to that horrible skool.

He caught up with Gaz out front, pulling on her arm. "Where's your brother?" Zim immediately questioned and frowned to see tears in the girl's eyes. His concern was for naught, however, when he directed his gaze to where she pointed silently. Once their eyes locked on the sought-after target, Zim laughed and Gaz began to do the same. The ink marking Dib's skin was positively radiant. The words seemed to be written in some type of day-glo ink; the words seemed to pop out of his flesh into the third dimension. Gaz leaned against Zim as tears of mirth rolled down her cheeks.

"I can't breathe," she gasped in between chuckles. "That stuff worked wonders. Poor kid is going to have to go around like that for at least two weeks!" Zim cleared his throat, trying to regain composure, but ran inside the building when Dib happened to glance in their direction. Gaz waved sympathetically at her brother as he was accosted by Lisa and followed the alien boy into the dreaded skool. She snatched the hood of his sweatshirt and yanked forcibly.

"Slow down, geez. What's your hurry? Dib's not going to come after you. Lisa got to him first," she informed him as she looked up at him. She could barely keep a smile from coming to her lips as she looked at Zim. Her body's reaction to him was queer and unsettling. She hated feeling so giddy. She shook her head and thought of cheerleaders. It succeeded in getting her back to her rightful mindset.

"Human saliva is not harmful to me," Zim announced, quite loudly. He received stares that probably would have made circus freaks feel better about themselves. Gaz shook her head and walked away. Zim fell in beside her after catching up to the quick girl.

"You certainly have a way with words, you know?" she demanded sarcastically. "I don't know what you want me to do about your new discovery." Her tone was cold.

"Have I upset you in some way?" the alien inquired. She turned her glare away from her locker and to him.

"No. Why can't you just accept that fact that everything isn't always about you, huh? I don't need you," she stated angrily. She mentally berated herself as he recoiled as though she had doused him with a bucket of water.

"Fine. If you want to act like one of the many other stupid humans in this school, then go ahead. I will cease to exist in your life," Zim replied, feeling foolish and immature by his reaction. He knew that she wasn't actually upset at him, but her words hurt anyway and he intended to show it. He began to walk away.

She yanked on his hood once again, successfully choking him, and dragged him around the corner to the normally deserted hallway she had shown him several days earlier. "Stop acting like that. We both know that I didn't mean that the way it came out, and we also both know that you didn't do anything to upset me." She sighed and pursed her lips, racking her brain for somewhere to go so that they could talk.

Zim understood her distress to some extent and shoved her roughly toward the closet door. She glared at the sight and shook her head. "Not again. I do not want to get stuck in here and be late for class. If I'm late one more time I'll be in trouble and I don't want to deal with it," she said.

"I have a key that will work," he replied and held it up as proof. "Hurry up before we're seen and things are assumed. You humans have a real problem with jumping to conclusions," he began to rant as he unlocked the door.

"Shut up, Zim," she said simply and he did. He closed the door behind them and waited patiently. "I got passed a note in the hallway while you were screaming about saliva. It just kind of pissed me off."

"What did it say?" Zim inquired, his curiosity getting the better of him. She handed it to him wordlessly and glared at the wall as he unfolded it and read the contents. _Who would have thought the ice bitch would put out for anyone, least of all skin-condition boy?_ He crumpled it up and tossed it into the mop bucket beside Gaz. "This is my fault."

Gaz shrugged. "It doesn't really matter. People are just stupid, and happy to be so."

"But you care." A simple statement, but difficult for her to acknowledge.

"Yes," she said after a moment. It was not an easy admission, especially not to Zim. "Damn them all, but I do care." She looked at him and attempted to smirk. "It could always be worse though. You could be unattractive."

"_Me? Unattractive?_" Zim looked as though to say such a thing was blasphemy. "The mere thought is inconceivable!" He would have continued ranting had Gaz not began to pound her head against the wall. Zim put his hand between her head and the wall. "You'll give yourself brain damage."

"If I'm lucky," she mumbled. She allowed him to stroke the side of her face, almost leaned into it. "I'm stupid to care."

"You're human."

"You have quite a knack for making things seem so simple when it doesn't involve you," she noted and laughed at his expression.

"Maybe we should bring these filthy pig-smellies taunts come true."

"I'm not sure I follow."

"They make fun of you for being cold and aloof, then make even more fun of you for showing even a little bit of affection. Why not go along with it? Pretend like you feel something for someone?"

Gaz stared him down. "And I suppose you are the one I should pretend to care for?"

Zim shrugged. "I am not trying to trick you into falling for me or anything, although that would be the inevitable result. After all, I am Zim! Mighty love-beast of this stupid planet!" He smirked at her. "Besides, I think it would be quite amusing to see you showing affection for something that runs without batteries. Could you imagine the looks on their faces?"

Gaz chewed her lip, considering his proposal. "You don't think I show affection for anyone?" She grinned evilly and ran gentle fingers along both antennae beneath his wig, a ghost of a touch. "Not even when I do that?"

"Now you're just teasing," he growled and pushed her hand away in annoyance. "Irritating female."

"Stupid Irken." She shrugged and stuck her hand out. "I think you have a good idea brewing, for a dumb alien. Want to pretend to be my affection-monkey?"

He clasped her hand, running a claw over her thumb. An action that caused tiny shivers to race down her spine, a not completely unpleasant sensation. "Only if you promise that your brother won't dissect me." He held up his other hand to silence her before she could come up with some mocking retort. "I am more than capable of killing the little pest, but he is your brother and I wouldn't take the satisfaction away from you."

"Very well. I'll see what I can do. Now let us out of here. I have to get to class. The first bell just rang."


	14. Chapter 14

Gaz fidgeted as she waited for the end of school, which was to occur in approximately one point two-six minutes. It had been an odd day, to say the least. Lunchtime had been the epitome of insanity; Zim had not only bought her lunch for her, but had sat beside her with an arm firmly placed around her shoulder throughout the thirty-minute period. She shouldn't have been so surprised when he stood in his chair and announced to the entire cafeteria that he and Gaz had 'reached a special place…spiritually, economically, grammatically.' She thought he had watched _Pirates of the Caribbean_ one too many times, although he did strike her as an Irken Jack Sparrow. It was okay the first time he announced it, but when he proceeded to do so every five minutes she wanted to blow up the whole building…with him inside.

She glanced at the door that held her captive in the stuffy room and arched an eyebrow when she found Zim standing there, apparently trying to get her attention. He held up a sheet of paper that read MEET ME AT THE FORT! IT'S IMPORTANT! OBEY ME, I AM _ZIM_! She nodded her understanding and looked around the classroom, hoping that no one had noticed. Of course they hadn't. Mindless drones.

Gaz trudged to her locker when the bell finally rang, contemplating skipping out on meeting Zim since he expected her to come at his every beck and call. If he thought that she would do as he said every time he wanted her to, he had another thing coming. Although she had to give him some credit; he wasn't being as completely narcissistic as normal. Her watch beeped as Dib tried to get in touch with her. She accepted the transmission and glared at him. "What do you want?"

"I was wondering what time you were going to be home."

"As soon as I'm done talking to Zim. He wants to talk to me…I'm guessing he wants to up this somewhat amusing plan to 'phase three' or try to boss me around," she replied.

Gaz had explained to Dib very carefully what Zim had devised so that he wouldn't go completely ballistic when rumors began to travel around the school, which they did at an alarming rate. The conspirators had given the student body a few days to get accustomed to the idea of either one being in a relationship with anyone at all, and now the plan was operating at full force. Thus far the reaction had been satisfying.

"Okay. How long do you think that will take?" he pressed impatiently. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, but she shrugged.

"Maybe an hour tops," she guesstimated. "Now leave me alone. Your voice is beginning to fill me with a terrible rage, and these days I prefer to be apathetic." She terminated the transmission and left the school, heading for the playground.

When she arrived it was swarming with children, but for no apparent reason they were all staying away from the jungle gym with the sad little fort sitting on top of it. She shrugged and entered, finding Zim situated across from the door. "I don't know how much longer I can take this," she grumbled in greeting.

Zim looked up at her and shrugged. "It's only been a few days, human. I am not so bad at this affection thing that you wish to quit all ready, am I?"

"How should I know? I don't have anyone to compare you to." She sat beside him and rubbed at her eyes in frustration. "So what was so important anyway?"

Zim wracked his brain for an acceptable excuse. "Um…" was the best he could come up with. "I have been having this horrible, _filthy _urges to spend more time with you and do things to the humans that are not quite legal."

"Aw, you're finally starting to like me a little bit," Gaz teased in monotone. She did crack a smile though.

"You are an odd one."

"I know. But you wouldn't want it any other way. I can't believe how stupid everyone is." She dropped her bag and sat beside Zim. "On a completely different schedule, you need to stop being so bossy all the time. I'm not one of your robot slaves, Zim. So back off."

"I have explained this behavior to you several times already. It is imperative to the mission that our stupid schoolmates believe that I am the dominant one. What would it say about me if everyone saw me cowing before a girl hardly two-thirds my size?" he demanded.

"It would say that you aren't as stupid as everyone thinks," she replied evenly. "I won't object to you telling me what to do _once in a while_. To keep up appearances. However, I'm only going to warn you once: do not test my limits or you will inevitably regret it for the rest of your days. Do I make myself clear?"

He nodded meekly and scowled at the floor. "You're no fun."

"When was I ever?" She checked her watch and began glanced over at Zim suspiciously. "For some reason Dib was very interested in what time I would be home? Do you have any idea why he would care at all?" she inquired.

"Why do you think I would know anything about him?" he countered.

"Considering the fact that you're both insane and on speaking terms again, I figured it was an accurate hunch."

"No, I have no idea –" He was cut off by his communicator beeping. A robotic arm extended out of his PAK and positioned the telecom before the alien's face. He moved away from Gaz, speaking in a low tone. She couldn't make out any words, but she distinctly heard Dib's voice on the other end. When the call was completed Zim smiled nervously in his "girlfriend's" direction.

"No idea whatsoever, eh?" she asked in a voice saturated with artificial sweetener.

"I said no, didn't I?" he replied boldly and dragged her to her feet. "Come with me, affection monkey of my squeedily spooch! Off we must go, for I have a surprise for you."

"You certainly have a way with words," she commented wryly, but accepted his hand and gathered up her bag. "Where are we going? I hate surprises. Does this have to do with Dib?"

"EH? Your _brother_? How dare you suggest such a thing! I am outraged at your suspicions!" he shouted. "Here I am, trying to make your day just a little bit special, considering we are now an official couple in the eyes of the idiot dirt-child race, and you insinuate that I am in cohorts with your sibling! I am offended!"

She punched him solidly in the arm, an effective way of both getting him to shut up and calming her nerves. He led the way in his Irken march and she smirked at the thought that he let her get away with almost anything, even though he did try to retaliate half the time.

She quickened her pace to keep up with the determined Irken and entwined her hand with his, even though there was no need to keep up appearances since they weren't in skool. It had been her original proposal that they need not act as a couple unless in public places where there were sure to be people that knew of them. He glanced down at her and smirked slightly.

It seemed that the Gaz-human was warming up to him some. It filled his squeedily spooch with quivering goodness.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going now?"

"No. You are not so devious and crafty as to be able to get that information out of me. I shall not divulge any such thing," he said firmly and she pouted. He stopped her abruptly and tied a bandana across her eyes. "No peeking now," he said, "we're getting closer."

"Zim, you better untie this damn thing in three seconds or else!" she threatened after five minutes of walking. "This is not the definition of 'closer,' stupid alien," she grumbled. He stopped her once again and pulled the bandana away from her eyes. Her expression turned from anger to shock in a matter of nanoseconds. "Zim…what?" For once she was speechless.

Gir, Dib, her father, and some tolerable people from her art class stood in her living room and immediately shouted "Surprise!" when she entered the room. It was her birthday. She shook her head. So many things were going on that she had forgotten all about it.

"You guys planned all this?" she asked in disbelief. Dib and Zim exchanged stupid-looking grins. "You horrible cretins," she grumbled and pulled them both into an obligatory hug, certainly an action quite out of the ordinary for the newly-turned eighteen-year-old. "Un-freaking-believable."

Gir, in its dog costume, squeaked up to her and hugged her leg. "Waffles love you," it said in a quiet voice as her father stepped over.

"Happy birthday, daughter of mine. Your brother, his odd little foreign friend, and I have bought pizza and soda as a means of refreshment located in the kitchen. Perhaps now would be a good time to begin the entertainment," Dr. Membrane announced and patted her on the head. She ducked in annoyance, but settled on the couch and picked up a controller. She beckoned to her brother as everyone began interacting with one another, trying to decide what movies were to be watched.

"If you had invited Lisa you wouldn't be standing before me now," she informed him. He paled slightly and the fading marker stood out brilliantly. "But thank you for all of this."

"You're welcome, Gaz. Happy birthday." She whooped everyone at _Vampire Piggy Hunter_ before deciding to watch a horror movie.

After most had left, Gaz stood outside with Zim and Gir. "I can't believe you guys planned that. And I can't believe you lied to me!" she exclaimed in exasperation. He opened his mouth to defend himself, but she did it for him. "However, that was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me, even if you had help."

He smiled as though he had just enslaved the entire population. "I am glad that I have helped in making your day better."

"You generally do, what with your stupidly amusing antics," she teased as she jabbed him with an elbow. "You know what?"

"Obviously not, seeing as how I am not a mind-reader."

"You may have been a seriously lousy invader, but you're the best ex-invader ever. Well…you've got my vote at least."

He was touched by the sentiment and was going to reply with some superiority statement, but then realized he had forgotten her present inside. "Be right back," he practically shouted as he ran inside. He returned a few moments later, finding her sitting down with Gir. They seemed to be having an actual conversation. He handed the wrapped gift to her wordlessly and stooped down to grab Gir's leash. "Thank you for your support, Gaz. You are my favorite human," he said and brushed the side of her face with his claw in a show of affection. "It is time we got going."

"When can I open this?" she demanded, shaking it violently. She heard no rattling from inside, not that she was surprised. It was rather thin and flat.

"Don't do that!" he yelled. "You'll break it! Open it whenever you wish. See you at skool tomorrow, affection monkey." He walked away and she carried the mystery package inside to her room.

She flopped back on her bed and carefully unwrapped the only gift she hadn't yet opened. A grin stretched across her face as she stared at the picture frame decorated with the Game Slave symbol. The picture it held was of her, Gir, and Zim standing together outside of his house. She was pointing and laughing with one hand at Zim, the other hand taken by Gir's. Zim was trying to dislodge the tiny robot from his own hand. Zim didn't look truly annoyed, more exasperated but yielding of his little slave, but he was smiling as well.

Hm, he must have found that little scene on one of the surveillance cameras. Good choice though.

Gaz tore open the envelope of the card accompanying the gift and laughed at the front of the card. Two children sat in what looked to be a backyard, one obviously distraught. Below the picture was the caption, "Sensing his anxiety, Ellen offers her consolation to her friends…" On the inside it read, "Don't worry, Honey. It's just a big mistake. I'm sure the mother ship will be here for us any minute now!" Written in a hurried scrawl below that was: _To the best human on the whole damn planet. Highest Regards, the best ex-Invader this side of the universe (The Mighty Zim!) _She was absurdly touched by both the picture and the card.

She leaned back against the headboard and popped in a CD she had gotten from one of the art classmates. This had definitely been one of her better birthdays.

* * *

_A note: I borrowed the greeting card idea from one that I saw at the grocery store and just had to use it, even if it makes no sense as a birthday card. Sorry, that part wasn't original creativity. Don't hurt me!_

_Aside from that, having three days off was a big help in being able to think the next part out thoroughly, so hopefully I'll have the next chapter up of the soonishly. Thank you so much for everyone's support of this fanfiction. It really warms my heart to know that people find my writing to be enjoyable. _


	15. Chapter 15

Zim sat beside Dib silently as he focused on beating the pathetic dirt-monkey at a game of _Fatal Fantasy_. His concentration was shattered when Dib made the mistake of attempting to initiate conversation. "How's the fake dating thing going?"

The words startled Zim for an instant, causing his character to be swallowed by a slime dragon that he felt resembled his biology teacher. "Curse you, Dib! Curse youuuuuu!" The drama-prone alien fell to his knees after sliding off of the couch and beat his fists against the floor. After forty seconds of such ridiculous antics he straightened and tilted his head to look at the boy. "Um, what were you saying?"

Dib rolled his eyes, mashing the buttons of his controller furiously. "I asked how you and Gaz are doing with this fake dating thing."

Zim stiffened slightly and shook his head. He reclaimed his rightful place on the couch and picked up his own controller, waiting to reenter the game. "We are…well. Though I believe she is growing impatient. She keeps asking how this is supposed to end. In truth, I'm not sure how to bring this whole ordeal to closure." In truth, he had almost forgotten that it was all a game of pretend.

"Hm. I don't see why she's so concerned with that. You only act like you're together at skool." Dib glanced at Zim and sighed. "You should try pushing the 'start' button if you want to start playing again."

"I knew that! I was just waiting to see how long it would be before you began to beg for my help!" Zim cackled with a slightly evil undertone. "She's been getting a bit uppity."

"Have you tried _not_ trying to boss her around so much? She isn't your personal slave. I'm surprised she hasn't made any attempts on your life yet," Dib said sarcastically. Perfect timing, really. As he finished the sentence Gaz walked up behind Zim and expertly crushed his head between two cymbals. She had seen this done in a movie and was just itching to try it out on someone, the annoying alien the first to come to mind.

His entire body seemed to vibrate as he let out a startled little-girl shriek. Dib burst out laughing at his sister's actions. "That was sweet, Gaz. Well done," he praised. She raised an eyebrow at him, but smirked in his general direction.

"I'm quite proud of myself," she replied. "Don't even start with me, Zim. You've had it coming."

Zim closed his mouth and struggled to swallow back the retort that danced upon the tip of his segmented tongue. His antennae flattened against his skull in anger, but perked slightly when she trailed her fingers down his neck when Dib wasn't looking. He leaned back slightly, still not used to how her touch affected him so.

Yes, some days it was quite easy to forget that it was just another day in Neverland for her.

"Gaz, I have thought a way to end this charade," Zim announced quite suddenly.

"I'm listening," she said as she took a seat between him and Dib.

"Skool ends in about a month. When it does, your stupid sibling and I will no longer need to attend. We can pretend that I am going off to college or some such thing." He jabbed her with an elbow while helping Dib fight off a blood ghoul. "Admit it, I'm a genius."

"Hey, genius," she purred. Her tone distracted his eyes from the screen. She nipped at his neck. "You can't kill blood ghouls with a plunger." She took her leave as Zim died once again.

"Do you see why this is so confusing?" Zim griped. "One second she's death and destruction with industrial steel nails, and the next thing I know she's all about rainbows, kittens, and pink lemonade."

"I suggest you get used to it, although you and Gir are the only ones she's ever treated to the 'tea party' side of her. I swear, Gaz's mind is probably like some twisted entertainment park." Dib fell silent as he focused on the game. Three minutes later a crow of victory contrasted Zim's glare.

"I do not wish to play this stupid game anymore," Zim announced, struggling against the urge to throw the controller down like he was a newborn smeet. His companion wisely refrained from commenting, but shrugged.

"I have to go see Lisa anyway." He grimaced. "Maybe trying to prove she's an alien isn't the best idea. She's getting to be a real pain in the…what?"

Zim grinned at him wickedly. "So you're finally going to break up with her?"

"I didn't say that!" Dib shouted before slumping forward. "I would, but I don't know how."

"I have just the thing," the alien announced gleefully as he rummaged through his pockets. He produced a sheet of paper and smoothed it out. He opened his mouth to read it, but stopped short. "Gaz should be down here for this, I think."

"Why?"

"At least then I'll know that _someone_ will have appreciated my creative genius." He planted himself at the bottom of the stairs. "GAZ! Your presence is requested immediately! I think you'll like it!"

Gaz trudged down the hallway, thoroughly annoyed. "I swear, Zim, one more outburst like that and I will kill you myself!" she shouted, then sighed as he gave her his version of a puppy-dog look. "What do you want, you miserable cretin?"

"Just listen to the break-up thingy I have for your brother to recite to Lisa?" he requested sweetly. "_Pleeeeeaaaaassssssseeeeeee?_" He took a deep breath. "I can do that for a very long time, Gaz," he threatened. She glared at him and made her way down the stairs before he could begin a second time.

"Don't think that this means you won't be punished," she informed him as she flopped onto the couch beside her brother. Zim stood before them in all his glory, holding the paper before him as though it were the Irken Rules of Life. He cleared his throat.

"Are you ready for this, the greatest moment in all history?" he asked the siblings. Dib's groan, and in particular, Gaz's glare, assured him that they were, and that he should get to it immediately. He cleared his throat once more before reading:

"_I wish I had the words to express_

_How much I really loathe you_

_I would offer my soul to the devil himself_

_In payment to rid myself of you, Lisa Boo-Boo_

_Your brain is as empty as a deflated balloon_

_Your hair is blonde, your eyes are green_

_Why, oh why, didn't I listen to the truth?_

_Gaz and Zim told me that you are very mean_

_In conclusion, I hate you and never wish to see you again. _

_Now go cry like a little girl, you horrible Earth-stink worm baby._

_KTHXBYE."_

He smiled proudly at his creation as Gaz and Dib merely stared at him in shock. His smile began to fade as he received no feedback. Until Gaz could no longer hold back her mirth, that is. She stood from the couch and slung an arm around his shoulders. "Alien boy, you will never cease to amaze me." They looked to Dib, who seemed unsure of how to react to such a poem. "Oh, c'mon, Dib. You have to admit that it's freaking hilarious! It's the finest piece of poetry I've ever heard! You _have_ to read this to Lisa!"

"Um…I think I need to go somewhere else." Dib almost made it to the door when Zim slipped the paper into his pocket.

"Here ya go…just in case you decide to go through with what may be considered the smartest thing you'll ever do," Zim announced and patted him on the back. "Good luck, Earth-stink!"

The alien took a seat beside Gaz, stretching lazily. "Was it not worth your time?" he inquired.

She glared at him, but sighed as he took her hand and began to play with her fingers, bending and twisting them. "I suppose it was. But I'm still going to doom you."

"What if I make you forget?" He grinned, a predatory gleam in his eyes.

"Then I suggest you make sure you've studied up on your psychology," she advised dryly. "In the meantime, go order me some pizza. I'm hungry."

"But I thought we were…" Zim trailed off, unsure of how to finish his sentence. She raised an eyebrow.

"You thought we were going to sit here while I enjoyed the pizza you're about to order for me? How right you are. Now get stepping." He glared at her as she crossed her arms over her chest, clearly enjoying this battle of dominance.

"Very well, human. But this is not over by far." He nipped at the sensitive flesh behind her ear before taking his leave. It was her turn to glare at his retreating form.

"You are so going to pay," she vowed.

* * *

_A note: I don't know how long it will take to get the next chapter up and running, but just remember: if you murder me now, there won't be any updates. My goal is to have the next one up in about 3 days. If I don't make it, I give you permission to maim me._


	16. Chapter 16

_A note: I didn't mean to make the last chapter a cliffhanger. I swear._

_

* * *

_

He fidgeted, a telltale sign that he was waiting for the possibly inevitable narcotization to kick in. Gaz had yet to extract her revenge, but Zim seemed to be doing an adequate enough job of imagining any and all horror the waif of a girl could execute upon the 'poor' alien. Such thoughts were reducing him to nothing more than a quivering heap of nerves.

Gaz watched him attempt to hold still from the corner of her eye, fighting with a renegade strand of mozzarella that didn't seem to want to leave its comrades. She had been contemplating what to do with him as she waited for the pizza to arrive, but the torture he was inflicting upon himself served her purpose far better than any punishment she could concoct.

It was amusing, to say the least.

He caught her staring, emitted a threatening growl. She raised an eyebrow. "Are you feeling okay?"

"You're planning something." Nothing more, nothing less.

Gaz bit her lip to contain the grin pleading to stretch her mouth. "Perhaps. Why?"

"Because you're evil."

"Ah." She shrugged, sipping on her soda. She couldn't help herself. A smirk escaped of its own free will. "Fair enough. You're quite egotistical. Did you stop to consider the fact that my plans might not have anything to do with you?"

His lip curled back in a snarl. "Don't play mind games with me."

"Rage. Indignation. Doubt." She tilted her head to the right several degrees. "Good choices. Very appropriate for the moment, if I do say." She feigned a sneeze, a good cover for a choked back giggle. "You're getting the hang of the 'when should I feel this emotion' thing."

Stupid human. He crossed his arms and leaned back. "I can be patient. I don't know what you're going to do to me, but I'll be prepared for it," he announced.

"You're paranoid Zim." It was almost cute. Too funny. "Thank you for the pizza, by the way."

This was maddening. What was this hell-spawn of a child doing?

"You are infuriating!" he shouted. "I'm leaving." His attempt to reach the door was thwarted by Gaz's arms latching around his waist.

"What you have failed to realize is that you have punished yourself more deliciously than I could have hoped; at least without me having to burn energy doing so."

His struggling ceased in an instant. "You used me!"

"I guess you could say that, though you seemed willing to do so. After all, those were _your_ thoughts you were thinking. Not mine. It was most entertaining, Zim." The evil girl released him. "Oh, and before you go, you may want to don that costume of yours." She refrained from teasing him; testing his limits right now probably wouldn't be the best thing to do.

He glared once again. She countered with as sweet a smile she could muster.

"Embarrassment. Now that one is a killer. A real bruise to the ego, isn't it?" She received no response as he reluctantly adjusted his wig. "Don't be mad at me. You brought it upon yourself. I told you that you'd pay."

"I admit that both of those statements are true, but I never thought I would be the one torturing myself," he grumbled. She nodded in understanding and he took his leave.

---

Gaz slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand. "Gir, you aren't supposed to eat the checker pieces. Why don't you eat your six-dollar burger instead?"

"I have checker munchies!" it shouted and threw the burger at her. She caught it, holding it well away from her clothing. The thing was dripping with grease, ketchup and mayonnaise.

"So why did you want me to buy this then?"

Gir tilted its head to the side and shrugged. "Ionno," it replied around a mouthful of plastic. The girl sighed and took a bite. No use wasting it since it had been her money spent.

"Where's Zim at?" She had yet to see the alien come to interrupt her fun. It was slightly disappointing. Odd, but she almost missed him.

"Practicin'."

"Practicing what exactly?"

"Feeling, I think." Gir laughed its silly little laugh as she attempted to not choke on her food. "Master told me that he wants to feel so you'll be proud of him."

"Can you take me to him?" Gaz asked and allowed the robot to take her hand and lead her to a room upstairs. She had never been on this floor before.

"He's in dere." Gir pointed.

"What is this place?"

"His room!" The door was slightly ajar so she looked in. She cleared her throat to refrain from making her mental comments verbal and knocked loudly.

"Eh? Who dares destroy Zim's peace and quiet?" Zim shouted as he swung the door open. "Oh. It's you." He watched her as she shifted her weight back and forth.

"Can I…come in, maybe?" she finally asked when it became apparent that he was not going to invite her without a little push.

"I suppose. What brings you here?" he asked. He resumed his place in front of the full-length mirror and continued to make faces at his reflection.

"Um, I was just wondering how you were doing is all." She shook her head, trying to concentrate. Watching Zim contort his face into so many weird expressions was a bit…distracting. "What are you_ doing?_" she demanded.

"Working on my emotions."

"By making stupid faces at yourself?"

"Don't be silly, my favorite worm baby. I am focusing on each individual emotion that I am capable of feeling and allowing my face to make the corresponding expression. This mirror is recording it all so that I can use it as a reference for later," Zim explained.

"I see." She sat on the platform bed and folded one leg across the other, sitting in a mock-Lotus position, wondering vaguely if he used the bed or if it was just a prop. "Is it helping you at all?"

"Somewhat." He paced before her, agitated. "These…emotions…are more trouble than they are worth. There are so many! It's hard enough trying to list all of the basic ones, but then you have the combined emotions and the unbelievably similar ones and gah! How do you humans handle it all?"

Gaz shrugged. "Everyone reacts in their own way. I think it's kind of like we have defense mechanisms." She eyed him, assessing him. "Yours seems to be centered on loudness and trying to prove to everyone that you're either better than they are or at the very least that you're normal. Maybe that's just me though."

"Hm. You may be right about the loudness. But I have no need to prove my worth and normality when it is obvious to all who set eyes upon Zim that I am truly a marvelous specimen!"

"Yeah, and if half of them knew what you were they would be willing to kill to get you in an observation tank. And I mean 'kill' quite literally." She patted the space beside her. "What emotions have you discovered today?"

He stretched out next to her and frowned. "Glee, guilty pleasure, and pity. Pity is weird. It's akin to sympathy, but it's a bit more condescending. But it was aimed at Gir, so I guess it's okay."

Gaz narrowed her eyes suspiciously when he mentioned 'guilty pleasure,' but ignored it for now in favor of his pity. "Why would you pity Gir? It's so clueless and…happy."

"He's stupid. Plain and simple. I think that I shall begin pitying all creatures below my intelligence level, which will be most of the creatures on this planet, of course; though I think I will only want to destroy bugs and humans."

"He's not all that stupid," Gaz argued. "He knows when you're being mean to him. He recognizes how people are feeling. Gir is more like a small child than being stupid. And when did we start referring to Gir as a 'he'?" she demanded.

"Oh, that. I decided that he's a boy a few days ago. He certainly doesn't act like a girl, and I've had him dress up as my little brother before. It would be most disturbing if I considered my little brother to be a girl, wouldn't it?"

He had a point.

"Fair enough." She smirked as he rested his head in her lap. "So what did you mean by 'guilty pleasures?'"

"I was wondering when your curiosity would get the better of you," he teased.

She tweaked an antenna playfully. "Tell me already."

"Thinking of you. It's either becoming a really addictive hobby or one of the most satisfactory annoyances ever." He wrapped an arm around her waist.

Gaz was startled into sincerity. "Really?"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it," he replied. He purred as her nimble fingers trailed their way down his skull to the collar of his shirt and back again repeatedly.

She placed a kiss upon his brow. "You can be sweet sometimes."

Zim laughed. "I'm the best."

She frowned. "When your mouth doesn't get in the way, that is."

"Ah, there we go. I was wondering when your attitude would return from dormancy."

"How cute. An Irken with a sense of humor."

"I see the sarcasm has decided to follow suit. Oh well." He shifted slightly, allowing his clawed fingers to trace idle patterns on her back. "This is nice."

"Yeah." She stretched her arms, grinning when she heard her shoulders pop. Zim winced.

"That's disgusting!"

She snickered. "I do it just for you, Zim." She nudged him. "Now sit up. I want to lean on something too." He scooted away several inches and rested his head on his arm. She stretched out on her side, facing him, and went back to trailing lazy fingers along his green arms. He rested a hand on her waist, poking every so often to elicit failed giggles from her.

Yes, this was nice.

She was beginning to forget that it was supposed to be one big game of Pretend.

"Only a few more weeks and I'll be free of that horrid skool," Zim stated casually.

She nodded. "You and Dib are lucky. I still have to endure one more year."

"One year is nothing. You'll be free soon enough. Speaking of which, we won't have to pretend at skool anymore. I'm sure that will be a relief for you, eh?" Her fingers stopped in their teasing dance for a brief second before resuming again.

Gaz became fascinated with the pattern on the comforter. "Oh, that." She failed to keep the slight disappointment out of her tone.

"Well, if you do not wish to end it once skool is out…"

"No!" She winced, saying the word with a bit more force than she had wanted. "No," she repeated, more gentle this time around. "I wouldn't want to make you have to endure this for longer than you have to." Inwardly she cursed herself. When had she become so attached?

Pathetic.

Zim shrugged, pulling her closer. He rested his cheek against hers as he hugged her. "We can cross that bridge when we come to it then." He felt her nod beneath him and he stroked her hair. "How is the Dib-monster anyway?"

Gaz chuckled, a darkly cute sound. "He read your genius poem to Lisa. She didn't take it well. He has a black eye and every visible inch of his skin is pretty much discolored. Turns out she actually liked the weirdo. I'm hoping she doesn't become one of those creepy stalker girls."

Zim snorted in disgust. "Me too."

Gaz snuggled closer, treasuring this moment. Who knew how many more would be created?

* * *

_"Narcotization" is a real word, which, in Chuck Palahniuk's world is basically "When the problem looks too big, when we're shown too much reality, we tend to shut down. We become resigned." (Excerpt taken from his book _Stranger Than Fiction_, please don't sue me!) In case anyone was wondering about the meaning._


	17. Chapter 17

_A note: I am so sorry for the lengthy respite between updates. I was struck simultaneously by writer's block and a nasty bout of strep throat. No excuse, I know, so I offer three chapters in one update to try to appease my loyal readers._

_Thank you so much for sticking with me on this story. It's truly awe-inspiring to know you enjoy my writings! I'd say something along the lines of it filling me with a warm, fuzzy feeling if it wasn't so OOC for me to do so…_

Gaz sighed in frustration and glared at the textbook before her as though it was the embodiment of anti-Gaz-ness. This was ridiculous. It was a simple math problem, nothing more. So why did it insist on taunting her, dangling the answer just out of her reach? And for another thing, whose brilliant idea was it to incorporate letters into the world of numbers? _Don't even get me started on the symbols_, she thought as she attempted to blow stray hair out of her eyes.

This was impossible. She simply could not concentrate.

"Damn it," she growled and shoved the offending thing away from her. It was no use. She rubbed at her eyes, surprised by the liquid essence she found there. Why the hell was she crying? "It's only math homework," she mumbled in confusion. Gaz struggled to stand up and bit back a curse as her shin connected with her computer. Additional tears welled up, though these were more accepted than the others. "Oh this is ridiculous."

But it seemed that she was powerless to stop her body from leaking, as Gir had so cutely put it. She was tired. Of everything.

At the realization she nearly allowed herself to succumb to the seductive, if rather uncharacteristic, act of crying had it not been for Dib shouting at Zim, definite panic lacing his accusations. "My dad is going to kill me, and it's all your fault, you clumsy alien!"

"It's not my fault you don't know how to walk balanced on two legs, stupid human!" Zim shot back. They were in Professor Membrane's labs, but could easily be heard throughout the entire household.

Gaz restrained from bashing her head into the nearest wall. Here she was, about to indulge in feeling stupid and weak and little-girlish, and those two nimrods had to go and ruin it for her. The brief thought that she should thank them before it had gotten that far crossed her mind, but her murderous rage consumed it gleefully.

She tromped down the stairs and through the necessary rooms of the house to reach the door to the lab, her mind already running on high speed to come up with a unique punishment for the two idiots she was either cursed or blessed to have in her life.

Her eyes narrowed in confusion at the sight she became a witness too. Dib seemed to be struggling against Zim to get to the bottle of pink goo the alien held above his head with the help of a robotic arm. Why this bottle was so important, Gaz could only guess. She was preoccupied with the sudden thought that they all needed to get out of there before something bad happened.

"What the hell do you think you're doing down here?" she demanded in a voice louder than necessary. She succeeded in startling them. Perhaps a little too well.

The resounding crash of shattered porcelain echoed in the lab. The three teenagers exchanged glances filled to the brim with unavoidable doom. "Oh, shit," Dib said simply. The other two could only nod in affirmation.

This was stupid. Even stupider than wanting to shred a math textbook to confetti pieces. Gaz glared at her brother with unmasked ire. "If you would just hold still we would have been done a long time ago." She spoke brusquely, her patience reaching its end. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"It's _your_ fault, you know. If you hadn't interrupted us, nothing would have gone wrong. So stop trying to pin all the blame on me," he retorted.

"I'm afraid I must agree with the Dib-stink. You should not have interfered with our vitally important plans," Zim added.

It was true, maybe. If she had left well enough alone perhaps this wouldn't have happened. But then again, if they hadn't been screwing around in the first place, none of them would be in this predicament. An insight she was quick to share, if only because she was irked by Zim's alliance with her brother.

"You should have known better in the first place! Dad is going to kill us when he gets home!" Gaz exclaimed in exasperation. She paused, aiming her glare, and the bottle of super glue, at Zim. "If I get grounded for this, both of you will pay dearly. I am not going to miss another pizza day at Bloaty's because of you two morons." She gave the alien a particularly nasty look. "And torturing yourself over possible punishments isn't going to save you from my wrath this time around."

She sighed and shook her head, turning once again to the trophy she was trying to glue back together. It figured. It really did. She was getting soft, it seemed. Why else would she be standing here, trying to rebuild one of her father's favorite awards, when she hadn't even been the one to break it? Never mind the fact that she did like this prize above the others, the figurine that of her father holding a piece of Super Toast above his head in a stance that screamed of pride.

She didn't even know why they had been fighting over a bottle of pink goo in the first place!

Boys. Sucked. End of story.

"Stop fidgeting! If you don't hold still, I might end up slipping and gluing you two together," she warned as she spread the sticky concoction across a long crack. "What were you guys even doing down there in the first place? And don't tell me that crap was silly putty, either."

"Well, Gaz, your brother was hoping to find some sort of potion to turn that sniveling love-beast, Lisa, into a cockroach or something. I tried to tell him that such mutations are impossible with your feeble technology, but he just kept screaming about insane girls and jelly donuts, so I could hardly resist from at least letting him try," Zim explained in a mocking tone. Dib glared at him.

"You jerk! That isn't true! I was looking for the radioactive plasma so that I could try to—"

"He was desperate to raise the undead!" Zim shouted. "He wanted to make a giant horde of candy-eating zombie Halloweenies!"

"Zim, shut your noise tube," Gaz said in a low voice. "Dib, you better not have been trying to make zombies again. You remember what happened last time."

Dib cast his sister a hurt glare. "No one is ever going to let me live that down, are they?"

"Probably not. I enjoy seeing you squirm," she replied. "I guess it doesn't really matter what you needed that junk for." It became quiet as she finished reconstructing the last of the trophy. "This should hold it. Just don't move it for about five minutes. The glue needs time to set. I'll add another layer just to be on the safe side later. You guys can let go now."

They did, glad to be out of harm's way. They still couldn't believe they had trusted the sadistic girl with something so potentially evil as super glue, but it had worked out to their benefit, it seemed.

"Thanks, Gaz. I don't know what we would have done without you. You always seem to find some rational way to fix things," Dib said with a sigh of relief.

"Yes, well, I suppose _someone_ has to be the voice of reason. And such a responsibility would never be properly fulfilled by either of you." She pushed her hair back over her shoulder. "Besides, I'm sure I would have gotten in trouble as well, and there should be no need for that to happen."

"Is there any way we can repay you?" Zim ventured to ask, hoping to placate her so that she wouldn't punish them too severely.

"Yes, actually." She thought back to her interrupted cry session and a near-cheerful smirk found its way to her lips. "You could both do me the honor of being my personal servants for the rest of the week. I find that to be most fitting, wouldn't you agree?"

"No. Not really." Dib paled at the look she sent him.

"Very well. It's a shame. I guess I'm just going to have to send Lisa an email saying that you would love for nothing more than her arms to embrace you once more," she threatened joyously. "Oh, and I suppose it would only be fair to let Gir know that Zim is the one that disposed of his entire paper clip and cookie crumb collection."

Now that she thought about it, those punishments seemed like they might be more entertaining than just having personal servants to do her bidding.

Dib fell to his knees before his sister, arms held out in a sign of submission. "Anything but that, Gaz. Please, I am begging you not to do that. I'll be your slave for the rest of the week!"

Gaz raised an eyebrow, a finger to her lips. This was amusing as well. She glanced over at Zim, who glowered at her, but nodded in agreement. "I, too, will be but a servant to you. Though I shall be the best servant ever!" he shouted, pointing at Dib. "You shall cower in the might of my amazing serving-ness!"

Oh so amusing.


	18. Chapter 18

"A little to the left," Gaz instructed. "Now a little lower. No, almost there." She hissed in pain before relaxing against the mattress once more. "Right there. Yes."

Zim sighed, a sign of his annoyance, as his clawed hands prodded her spine. "This is ridiculous. I don't see why you couldn't find someone else to do this…massage…thing," he complained. "You are not utilizing me properly! I thought I would be killing people or making girls cry or something. But not this!"

Gaz released a sigh of her own, one of utter tranquility, as she rested her cheek on her pillow. "Shut up, Zim," she murmured. This really was delightful. A pity she had only thought to use Zim in this way now. There was only one day left to his 'enslavement'. Oh well. All good things must come to an end, she supposed. Most, at least. Dib glared over at the alien as the ladder he stood upon wobbled precariously.

"Don't even think of complaining, you despicable alien! At least you're not risking a broken neck to dust some stupid shelves!" her brother griped. He was forced to brace himself against the wall as a sneeze erupted from his head. "I don't know when the last time you cleaned up here was, but it's been way too long."

"Yes, but I'm far too lazy to clean it on my own," she replied. "Now would you mind getting me some lemonade and a slice of pizza? I can't be bothered to move from this spot, and Zim simply can't be spared."

Dib opened his mouth to protest, but thought better of it. He left without a word, a sullen shadow seeming to hover about him.

"It really does feel wonderful," she mumbled to herself as his fingers worked into her tense flesh. "I've been so stressed out."

She was nearly half-asleep. Zim shifted on the pillow that cushioned his knees. "I'm glad this is making you happy, though I don't understand why you would be stressed out. You haven't done anything productive in four days!"

"I hate having to repeat myself, so I'll only say it once more. Shut up. Please."

"How else am I going to keep my mouth occupied if I can't talk?" he demanded. He smirked as a shudder coursed its way through her body. She raised her head to glare at him.

"I have no problem with sewing it shut, you know. With a hat pin." Ah, she was so cute when she was angry. "And what is taking him so long with my nutrients? Meh, what a slacker."

Zim brushed his lips against the bared skin at the back of her neck, leaving a soft, open-mouthed kiss in his wake. She shuddered again, this time for a different reason. "He's probably heating up the pizza. We do not particularly enjoy invoking your wrath any more than necessary. He doesn't, at least."

"And you?"

"It is an amusing task, at times." At her reproachful look he added, "It is not my fault that I find it funny when you get riled up."

"You bite. Stupid alien."

Zim nipped at her shoulder, never pausing in the massage. "No, I only nibble. Unless specifically instructed or asked to do otherwise."

Dib returned with the snack and plunked it down unceremoniously beside his sister's head. "Here you go, your royal pain in the ass," he sneered.

"Why, thank you," she replied as she sat up and adjusted her tank top. "You can finish with the dusting now."

She got bored with bossing them around an hour later and sent them off to do whatever it was they did. Zim stayed in her room, reading a gruesome comic book collection she had in her possession. He was oblivious to the outside world for the time being. She sighed and looked to her math book once again.

The massage had certainly helped her to loosen up, but she still dreaded the prospect of doing math. The newest assignment had something to do with backward 'E's with little 'n ' signs balanced atop them. This sucked so much.

But she had to study. The last test before finals was coming up. Normally she wouldn't have cared, but everyone that passed this test and had an average class grade of 89 or higher was excused from taking the final. There was no way she would let that opportunity slip through her fingers.

Twenty minutes expired and she found herself staring at the same problem. "Hey, Zim." There was no answer so she threw a plastic vampire figurine at his unsuspecting head. "Hey, stupid alien boy."

"What do you want, you irritating female?" he demanded with a scowl. "I am about to find out how the maniac kills everyone in the taco service building."

"You've taken this math before, right?" He nodded. "Get over here and help me with this."

"I'm busy, if you hadn't noticed."

Typical. She repressed an irritated sigh. "Please." She grit her teeth as the word came out, unfamiliar on her tongue. He took his sweet time deciding if he would help her or not, noticing with delight that her hands had clenched themselves into tiny fists.

"Very well," he said after a few minutes.

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "You sound very smug for someone that is this close to becoming decapitated," she said, holding her fingers two inches apart.

"Ah. I am. If you decapitate me, you will never receive the help you need with that ridiculously easy assignment. Also I am graduating in two weeks, or had you forgotten?"

"Oh. Yeah. It's not like it matters to me," she replied. It was the truth. About as truthful as the existence of flying purple pig monkeys. She was hopeless. He sent her an odd look, but explained the solution to the equation as efficiently as he could before going back to the comic books.

What was the matter with them? She frowned in contemplation of the sudden question. But it made sense. They were acting weird around one another. It felt so unnatural. It made her want to scream. Which it did. Well…yelling was more like it.

"Why are we doing this?" She was caught off-guard by her outburst. Zim looked up from the black-and-white drawings, startled.

"What?"

"What the hell is wrong with us? Why are we acting so weird? Am I the only one that feels like this? Nothing is right anymore. And it hasn't been since we had that talk about your emotions," she accused everyone and no one.

Zim tilted his head to one side. "Yes. Things have been different. But Zim is unsure of what you want done about it."

She bit her lip in vexation. "I don't know. I want things to be like they used to. I think I need a cigarette."

"But you quit."

"I don't care." She headed outside to the back deck, Zim trailing behind her as he adjusted his disguise. She used the lighter he had given her and he smiled at seeing it in action once again. "I'm edgy and nervous and I don't know why. And I hate it."

"Hm." Zim sat beside her, watching a dragonfly buzz aimlessly about their heads. "Should we call this operation quits early?"

"No!" She exhaled with a shaky breath. "We've come this far, might as well go for the gold. Those punks at school deserve what we're doing." Her eyes narrowed at the thought of her schoolmates. Oh how she despised them.

Zim shrugged. "I think you might be overanalyzing things."

"Me? Overanalyze? Never." Her tone lacked sarcasm.

The alien studied her as she looked anywhere but him. "Perhaps…you are beginning to feel as well." He glanced to his right, gauging her reaction. So far it was neutral. "You have more experience than I do, so maybe the better word would be 'relearning'."

"It's always a possibility," she muttered. She tensed as his hand grasped her wrist, but she relaxed soon enough. "I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"You."


	19. Chapter 19

Zim paced about Dib's room. "What would she mean by that, worm baby? You humans and your confusing words infuriate me!"

Dib shrugged. "How should I know? Gaz means what she says quite literally most of the time. Just because I grew up around her doesn't mean I understand her." He turned his eyes to the computer screen. The alien going in circles was beginning to make him dizzy.

"This is stupid."

"I've been hearing that a lot lately," came the dry reply. "She said it nearly a week ago. Why are you obsessing over it?"

"Gaz would not say such a thing if it were not significant somehow. She is a strong dirt-child. Admitting to weakness is a rare feat from her." Zim sat down.

"Have you tried asking her?"

"No! I am not that much of a fool! She would surely invent some new way to make me suffer. That has become one of her favorite pastimes lately."

Dib snickered. "Well at least that's gone back to normal. It was weird how you two weren't at each other's throats for something. Even if half the time it's all in fun."

The alien eyed the human disdainfully. "The same could be said about your head being so large."

"That doesn't even make sense!" he protested.

"I must go home now." Zim left without another word.

Gir was nowhere to be found at the base, resulting in near silence. Good. Zim needed to think in peace anyway.

What did the Gaz-human have to fear from him? He had not made any threats on her life in quite a while, and the ones he made of her body were of no consequence. She was a formidable fighter against him. And they had no emotional attachments to one another.

At least from her side.

He sneered in disgust. These pathetic human emotions were beginning to get the better of him. He feared he was beginning to care for the human female more than he should.

This had been developing for some time, of course, but did it really matter? No! He would never allow himself to stoop so low as to actually act on such emotions. The thought was inconceivable.

Still, sometimes it was fun to imagine what it would be like to _really_ be with her. What would happen if they weren't just playing a big game of pretend?

Such thoughts were dangerous to entertain and he discarded it quickly to the recycling bin of his brain.

He was straying from the original topic: why did Gaz fear him?

Stupid, stubborn worm baby female! Even when he wasn't around her she plagued his mind. Gah! Pathetic. Really pathetic.

One more week and the charade would be over. Maybe that was what she was worried about? Did she think he would force her to continue this farce of a relationship? That must be it!

A frown settled over his features as he stopped in mid-step. He hadn't noticed that he had been pacing, but the realization was overruled by a more pressing one: she was afraid that he would think she was serious in her affections. That must be it. There was no other explanation for her odd change in behavior. Her sudden, if not chillingly familiar, withdrawal from society. That was why she had been avoiding him for the past two days.

_Well, never fear, Gaz! I'll set you straight after graduation_, he decided silently. Perhaps there was some way he could ease her mind a bit before then…

* * *

Gaz stared at the note sitting in her lap. That bastard. Who the hell did he think he was?

_Hello, my fake affection-monkey! It is I, ZIM! You have been acting oddly and I wanted to assure you that I know it is all fake. You have nothing to fear. I shall not keep you prisoner after I have graduated with the rest of my year._

_It has been a pleasure doing business with you_.

_Signed, the all mighty, wonderful god-like Irken, INVADER ZIM!_

The nerve. She crumpled the sheet of paper into a ball and threw it in the trash can on her way out of art class. Business. Everything he had done for her had been because he saw it as a business contract.

What about her birthday party? And the pictures? And playing video games and watching horror movies and laughing at all the stupid people in their approximate vicinity?

Had it meant nothing to him that she had let him in more than anyone else in her entire life?

She wondered briefly if it had all been a ploy so that he could get some experience with human emotions without running the risk of being too hurt.

She was angry. No. She was livid. She felt a twinge of satisfaction as everyone cleared a path for her, no matter where her body moved. Good. She was still able to infect everyone around her with fear. It was a comfort to know she hadn't lost her touch.

Gaz was beginning to get the distinct impression that she would be reverting back to her old ways in the not-so-far future.

The creepy girl was unsure of what disturbed her more: the fact that she had been used in such an intimately exquisite way or that she welcomed her impending regression so readily.

Zim would come to rue the day he toyed with her in such a carefree manner.


	20. Chapter 20

_If you like this chapter, check out this really awesome artwork that was submitted here: .com/art/ZAGR-Pitiful-Human-Emotions-77347684?moodonly=24_

Miscommunication was a real problem. Zim felt like Captain Freaking Obvious for having such, well, obvious thoughts. But it couldn't be helped.

Ugh. 'Captain Obvious.' What a stupid, _human_ concept.

That was really beside the point right now though. He should be concerned with breaking away from these chains that kept him suspended to the wall. He tugged at the manacle holding his wrist, but it was attached firmly. He had expected nothing less.

Questions flooded his brain. When had the Membranes installed a basement beneath the labs? How had Gaz managed to get him down here? _Why_ was he down here?

And where the hell had Gaz gotten chains like these in the first place?

Zim smirked, impressed that she had managed to do all of this without him having the slightest idea and no struggle. He had become exceedingly accurate at reading her moves, but she had deceived him this time around, no doubt about it. He was…proud of her.

No! Bad thoughts! He was being held prisoner. The last thing he should be doing was giving praise to the enemy. He should be furious. Especially considering the fact that he had done nothing to deserve this type of treatment.

Okay, maybe the way he had worded that note had been a little harsh...and callous and unfeeling considering the circumstances.

Fine. He deserved it.

But he had to get free. He didn't want to endure the same humiliating treatment she had bestowed upon her brother. He had to think. Be smart about this. Well, smarter than usual at least.

He examined the chains that held his wrists to either side of his body. He had about six inches of slack between the wall and the manacles. Not much, but it might be worth something.

His ankles were encased in fetters, eight inches of chain attaching them to the wall. Hm. He frowned before a genius idea erupted in his head. His PAK! Surely he could use that to escape these maddening confines.

"Don't you dare," Gaz warned in a neutral tone as she descended the stairs. The robotic arm withdrew from sight.

"What do you think you're doing? Isn't this illegal or something? Alien abuse? Doesn't your government have rules against that?" Zim demanded as a rare bout of panic worked its way through his system. Her rage made her features exotic. It wasn't hard to recall why he so enjoyed getting her riled up.

Gaz shrugged. The movement caused the fabric of her button-down work shirt to slip off of her shoulder, exposing pale flesh. "Only human aliens probably."

"Why am I here?" he dared to ask, eyes transfixed on her bared skin.

"I thought that was obvious. You've raised questions that I need answered. Seeing as how we're both too stubborn to sit down and talk things out, this seemed the best alternative." She picked at a loose thread that hung from her cutoffs and sat before him, curling one leg so that the arch of her foot balanced on the edge of the chair. She leaned forward and rested her chin on her knee.

"This doesn't strike you as a little too drastic?" Zim's eyes followed the curve of her leg and he frowned in confusion. When had her legs become so shapely? Perhaps they had always been that way and he had never noticed, seeing how she always wore wide leg jeans. He shook his head. Now was not the time for him to be dwelling on such things. Damn these stupid…what were they? Oh, right. Damn these stupid _hormones_!

"Nice to know that you realize I'm a girl," she stated blandly and he wondered if he had spoken aloud. "You can stop staring now," she added and he knew that he had not.

Zim cleared his throat and gave her his oh-too-familiar mocking glare. "What is it that you want, dirt-child?"

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I am me. The all mighty Zim! You know that."

"Who the hell do you think you are to decide whether you shall keep me 'prisoner' or not? Do you think you own me or something?" she clarified as she straightened and tapped her fingers against her thigh.

"Is that not how this dating process is supposed to commence? The male assumes ownership of the female in most cases. Therefore it would be my decision if I want to keep you or not."

"And now we come to my second point." Gaz narrowed her eyes at the alien and he resisted the urge to look away. "Did you believe us to be dating, or was this just another routine business contract for you to fulfill?" Her tone dripped venom at the phrase 'business contract.'

Zim's eyes widened in dawning comprehension. "You tricky female Earthanoid," he muttered. "You females are all the same with your mind games and clever deceit."

"Mind games? _You think I'm playing mind games_?" Gaz trembled with precariously leashed fury. "You're the one that started this whole thing!"

"And you're the one that agreed to it," the alien shot back. "You knew the rules just as well as I did when we started out."

"Rules are one thing. When did you stop seeing me as an ally?" Her voice deadpanned. "When did I become nothing more than a business contract to you?"

"I thought that was how you wished for me to view this whole matter." Zim eyed her warily as she came to stand before him. "You gave off all the vibes, all the signs. You began to avoid me. You went out of your way to be sure that we wouldn't be seen together. How else was I to interpret such behavior except that of someone desperately trying to escape?"

She tensed, pausing just out of his reach. "I'll give you credit for the fact that you knew I wanted to escape. But you fail miserably when it comes to understanding what I was trying to run away from." She closed her eyes briefly to regain some sense of composure. "How would you feel if I called you a contract? Or thought of you as a mission?"

"Not…good."

"Not good, huh? Well congratulations. Now you know how I felt when I read that stupid note of yours. Do you know how cheap you made me feel wording it like that? I have never felt so used by someone that I trusted before." She couldn't help herself. She landed a right hook to that oddly beautiful face she had come to admire.

He growled an Irken curse as he sought to rub his aching jaw, the length of chain just barely making that impossible, but uttered no reprimand for her actions. Instead he sighed tiredly. "It was not my intention to make you feel like that. I was hoping to put your mind at ease."

"Put my mind at ease," she echoed. "I don't understand. Explain."

"I thought that you were anxious to get this little farce over and done with so that we would not be forced to pretend any longer. I thought you had become uncomfortable with it and maybe even thought that it was evolving into something different from the original plan. I…was worried…that I had done something to make you unhappy."

"So you wrote me a letter to reassure me that you still saw it as a big game of pretend." Gaz shook her head and allowed a smirk to emerge. "You really are an idiot, aren't you?"

Before he could issue a proper rebuttal she kissed him. He allowed his eyes to shut as he gave in to her actions. It was not the first time they had done this, but mother of Irk were the sensations just as strong and overpowering as if it were. He reached out a hand to grasp her closer, but she kept her body a fair distance away. She knew how far he could move with his restraints and used the fact to her advantage. She couldn't have herself losing control when things were going in her favor for once. No matter how badly she wanted him to touch her it would not be allowed. She left butterfly kisses on the flesh bruising from her assualt before returning to his mouth once more.

_I hope he appreciates just what it is I'm putting myself through. All to teach him a lesson_, she thought.

He groaned in frustration; he would have been the happiest Irken on Earth to be able to just touch her bared shoulder or the expanse of thigh revealed by her cutoffs. But no such luck. Stupid feelings! Why did they have to be so pleasurable yet so painful all at once?

She really was an exquisite punisher.

Gaz pulled away and licked her swollen lips. She smiled at the alien as he attempted to free himself. "I'm not an idiot," he growled, the only response he could muster to her previous inquiry.

"If you weren't then you would have realized that I do not fear the possibility of you trying to claim me as your own," she replied and turned away to go back upstairs.

"Wait!" She paused at the bottom step and twisted her neck to look at him over her shoulder. "Aren't you going to let me go now?"

Gaz smiled like the Cheshire cat. "Consider your plea a case of miscommunication." With that she was gone.

Zim's salvation came in the form of Dib nearly six hours later. He unlocked the manacles and fetters that bound the extraterrestrial to the wall. "I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know," Dib chanted as his friend rubbed his wrists gingerly.

"It isn't what you might think. Your sister has a decidedly cruel executioner side to her. I don't know where she gets the ideas for some of her punishments," Zim complained.

"Punishment?" Dib's eyes widened. "What did you do to her to make her chain you up like that?"

"It was a problem of miscommunication," he spat. He was coming to hate that word with an intensity he didn't know he possessed. "Where did this room even come from?"

"Oh, dad used to use this as one of his labs, but after the living dead incident he moved everything upstairs. I guess I can't blame him. Normally we keep it closed off and hidden from view."

Now it was Zim's turn to recite his rescuer's newest mantra.

"Why didn't you use your PAK to get out of here after she left?" Dib's voice startled him out of his thoughts, which were mainly focused around a certain female with the mouth of a goddess.

"Um…that is…damn." He was incapable of coming up with a good excuse. He refused to admit that he had quite forgotten his original method of escape. How dare she render him an uncomprehending fool? And from just one kiss? Infuriating.

Dib shuddered as he led the alien upstairs, catching the sinful grin on Zim's lips.

There was no possible way she would walk away from this unscathed.

Gaz Membrane would receive what was coming to her in due time.


	21. Chapter 21

Zim had not yet put the finishing touches on his evil plan of evil Gaz-ness revenge, let alone set the ball rolling, so it was understandable that he would be confused as to why the aforementioned human was attempting to superglue his bookcase back together. In fact, it was more than understandable that he felt more than a little angry when he realized that his entire living room was in shambles.

One could argue that his outburst, no matter what the reason, was unnecessary, but he felt it was justified.

"What the hell do you think you're doing in my home destroying my things? I haven't even put my evil plan of revenge goodness into action yet! You aren't allowed to initiate preemptive strikes against me!" His shouting startled her and she dropped a shelf on her foot.  
"Ow!" She hopped up and down on one foot, a most comical sight (Zim was smart enough to keep his laughter contained), and glowered at the alien. She couldn't very well chastise him for startling her, seeing how she had destroyed his living room, so she settled for glaring at the wall behind him. "This wasn't a preemptive strike. And what do you mean 'evil plan of revenge goodness' anyway?"

Zim swallowed hard. "I…um…hey! I'm the one asking the questions around here!"

"Yes, well, be that as it may…I don't feel like talking about it." She bent over and picked the shelf back up before focusing on the bookcase once again.

"Inconceivable! You can't just not want to talk about it! You're trespassing!" He paused to take a breath before beginning a rant when Gir ran up to him and hugged his knees.

"Master! I missed youuuuu!"

"What happened to you?" Zim demanded. The little robot looked as though he had taken an extended vacation in a salvage yard.

"Gazzy an' me was playin' a game and then Gazzy got real upset and started crying and laughing at the same time and then we played wrestling just like on TV! I accidentally brokeded your toys though when she started chasing me around. I sorry, Master!" Gir hummed quietly to himself as he waited for Zim's response.

"What would upset you so much that you would beat up my robot and demolish my home?" Zim demanded, a protective claw atop Gir's head. The alien couldn't begin to imagine what Gaz must have done to him.

"I don't want to talk about it, and if you want me to have this place resembling a living room, then you'll drop it and we'll discuss it later."

"I don't care about the living room!" Zim shoved Gir towards the stairs. "Go play or something, Gir. Gaz and I need to have a little chat." He waited as the robot made its way to the staircase. "I'm not angry anymore so stop staring at me as though I'm about to kill you." The alien sat on what remained of the sofa wearily and debated over helping her to put everything back on the shelves, but decided not to move. "You are rather confusing."

Gaz bit back a sarcastic retort and sighed. "I experienced a brief lapse in self-control."

"Ah. Is the alarm on your biological clock about to go off?"

"That is a horrible way of putting it, but no." She glanced over her shoulder at him. "Have you ever realized something that made you want to celebrate with joy, but go on a homicidal rampage at the same time?"

"No."

"Oh." She finished with her work in silence and walked over to the door. "Sorry. I'll see you tomorrow or something." She left the house and Zim was in such a state of confusion that the poor ex-Invader felt sure he would melt into a little Irken puddle of befuddlement.

* * *

Gaz wasn't quite the happy camper either.

For you see, people never mention the darker side of falling in love with someone, especially when it is your first time doing so. They talk of Cupid, roses, satin sheets, fireworks, bells and music ringing in your head. No one ever speaks of the anxiety you feel when that special someone forgets to call or the fear that one day they may walk away and never look back.

And certainly no one ever Ever EVER warns you that you might fall in love with someone you just don't want to or what you're supposed to do in such a case.

Gaz's initial reaction was anger. The passionate and caffeinated variety.

Looking back on this fateful day she will be aware of the fact that she has three things of which to be grateful for: deciding to ditch her last period art class in favor of playing games with Gir, the fact that Zim hardly ever skipped class and was not at his home, and that Gir is made of fairly strong metal and has no nerve endings.

For now she was miserable.

She gave an empty little chuckle as she realized that she had beaten Gir like a redheaded stepchild, as the saying goes. But the knowledge that she was head-over-heels in love with Zim and that most of her seemed content to stay that way had made itself aware just as she was about to beat the hardest boss in the entire game, causing her to lose.

Now, she knew that it wasn't entirely Zim's fault that she felt this way. It was her body's, the traitorous thing that it suddenly was. But she was young and full of energy, especially after finishing off a twelve-pack of soda, so really it was just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Cliché, yes, but the truth.

With everything already said and done she supposed she should at least apologize to Zim. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed his number.

"It is I, the mighty _me_! Who wishes to speak to the wonderful I?"

"Zim? Gaz. I wanted to say I'm sorry for killing your living room. And for not asking you permission before going over to your house…and for beating on Gir, but I swear he thought we were playing a game or something. I'd never purposely do anything to hurt you two."

"I know."

Silence ensued and Gaz fidgeted as she tried to think of something to say. "I'll make it up to you."

"Why don't you just tell me what's going on?" Zim demanded. "I know we haven't been close lately, but that doesn't mean I'm not still interested in you...err, friendship. I consider us to still be allies despite all that has happened."

"I will tell you. Eventually."

"Tell me now!" His voice took on a most irritating whine, and Gaz nearly smiled. He was back to his old self. Odd of her to think such a thing, but oh well.

"I'll tell you on Thursday, before you graduate."

"Very well, you evil human. Fare thee well, dirt child."

"Shut up." They disconnected and Gaz continued walking home.

* * *

Zim stared at the phone in his hand and shook his head. She was more of a puzzle than Gir at times. And she caused worse headaches. If it wasn't her biological clock that was making a mess of things, then what was it?

Normally Gaz was cool and calculating. SO why would she freak out like that? And why would she ask if he had ever experienced something that pleased and repulsed him at the same time?

Well, there was that one time when he had tried to make Tak his love monkey…

He gasped and made a bee line for his labs. Was that evil Irken female back? Her reappearance would certainly cause that kind of reaction in Gaz. She would be pleased that the alien was back so that she could torture her, but she would be repulsed because no one really liked Tak…except Dib, but his opinions never really did count for much.

His computer scanned through the reports at NASA and SETI, which took a considerable amount of time. The results came back as Zim started eating his third sandwich. There were no reports of anything unusual going on near Earth, but that didn't honestly mean anything considering human stink beasts were the ones running everything.

Should he inform Dib of what was going on? He could prove to be a resourceful…um…resource, but on the other hand he might get caught up in Tak-love and Zim didn't want to be forced to kill him. So many options, so little time. They had to get to Tak before Gaz.

"Earth monkey, it is Zim! I need your help!"

"Zim, it's three in the morning. What the hell do you want?" Dib grumbled.

"Your sister is going to try to do something very stupid and we have to stop her."

"Normally we're the ones trying to do something very stupid," the human pointed out, "and it's her that stops _us_. Get to the point or I'm going to hang up on you."

"Tak, that annoying female piece of filth, is back. And your sister is going to try to track her down and do I don't want to imagine what to her. We can't let her have all the fun! We have to spy on Gaz and figure out where Tak is located. Are you in?"

"Are you mental? Last time we did anything remotely like this it backfired on us because we were assuming something without having all the details."

"Gaz destroyed my living room and beat up my robot because, as she put it, she had a 'brief lapse in self-control.' I have spent minutes trying to figure out what would cause her to be pleased and repulsed at the same time, and this is the only logical explanation."

"Maybe she loves you," Dib snickered.

"Ha! Foolish human idiot brain! What an idiotic idea. Are you going to help me?"

"Sure. But call me back when the sun is actually halfway up in the sky, okay?" Dib hung up his phone and tried to get back to sleep. He had a feeling that Zim was simply jumping to conclusions again, and that there was no possible way Tak could be back on Earth. But if she was…

Grumbling, the poor boy got up and turned on his computer. He wouldn't be getting much sleep now, that was for sure. He tapped his fingers against the keyboard idly. There had to be some way to monitor Gaz's actions without getting caught like last time.

One would think he'd have learned his lesson about spying on his younger sister, but no such luck.

A grin reminiscent of the Grinch that stole Christmas adorned his features as he came up with what he felt was the perfect plan.


	22. Chapter 22

_I want to apologize profusely for my basically unforgivable lapse in updates. Over a year is quite unacceptable, but let me assure you that now that I have secured a permanent Internet connection and no writer's block this will not happen again. I am so so so so so so sorry, everyone!!!! Please forgive me! Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaassssssseeeeeeee!!!!_

Gaz snickered as she hung up the other end of the phone. Zim was an idiot, plain and simple. Only he would come up with the conclusion that Tak had somehow returned to Earth. Oh well. If this was how he wanted to interpret her behavior so be it. Going along with it would prove to be a nice break from the routine, she believed.

Oh, if only Dib knew how close to the truth he was.

She sat on the edge of her bed and strained to devise a plan to keep her brother and that stupidly cute alien occupied without involving her. Surely Dib would find some way to keep tabs on her, making it all the more difficult to come up with a way to keep the charade going.

There was also the problem of what to do about her emotions. Senior graduation was coming up in a few days and she was running out of time. There was no way she could actually tell Zim the truth. She had never felt for anyone like this before and she had enough life experience under her belt to know that most happy endings were only in movies. Yes, sometimes the price of love was a lot of sacrifice, but she was not willing to risk it.

She hated caring.

Perhaps more sleep was necessary before making a decision.

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Zim sat impatiently at the kitchen table as Gir made waffle omelets. "I really don't have time for this, you know," he said to the little robot. "I should be downstairs monitoring the sky. These horrible stink-beasts have no idea how to keep a vigilant surveillance on space. How is it that these disgusting dirt children have managed to stay alive for so long?"

"You're silly, master." Gir hopped down from his stool and pushed it in front of the stove. "The Irken girl isn't here."

Zim narrowed his eyes. "How would you know something like that? It must be the reason Gaz destroyed my house in a fit of rage."

Gir shook his head. "Gaz has hormones! You've got her crazy in love! She'll be a slave for youuuu!" Zim couldn't decide which was worse: the words or the sing-song-y way Gir told him.

"I think you are now banned from ever listening to the radio ever again."

"Oh," Gir whimpered and flipped the omelet. "But master, it's true. She said so!"

"Those exact words?"

"Well…nooooo." Gir began to hum again, apparently content that Zim was still allowing him to talk.

Zim waited for the little robot to say more. After a minute he became annoyed again. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"What did she say Gir? I require details. DETAILS!"

Gir's eyes glowed red briefly and Gaz's voice came from his mouth. "Unrequited love is the worst. I will destroy him! It isn't fair that I'm the only one suffering!"

Zim gasped and jumped from his seat. "Tak must be controlling Gaz! Why did I not see it before? I must tell Dib before Gaz does anything else!"

"Master, what if she isn't being controlled?"

"She must be." Zim looked at his robot and glared. "If she isn't, then that means that Dib was right. That cannot be allowed to happen! I'd never live it down! Watch the base, Gir. I have some errands to run." Gir waddled over to the table, precariously carrying a plate full of waffle omelet.

"You have to eat first."

Zim growled his displeasure, but took his seat once again and ate as fast as possible. He ran to Dib's house, hoping that he was not too late.

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When he arrived on the Membrane property he was forced to dodge what looked like a flying ball of burnt toast. "Stay away from me, Dib!" Gaz shouted as she came out on the front stoop. "I have had it with your stupid attempts to spy on me! It isn't my fault you're crazy!"

"I'm not crazy! There's something going on, and I think I know what it is!" Dib retorted. He appeared behind her and grabbed her shoulder. "You can't leave until you tell me if I'm right or not."

She glared at him and yanked free. "I'm going to be late for skool, you moron. And so are you." She stomped down the steps and began her walk across the yard.

"We don't have skool today! It's Sunday!" he yelled after her, then spotted Zim. "Zim, stop her! We have to get to the bottom of this!"

Gaz paused in mid-step, staring openly at Zim. He was dressed in jeans and a grey hooded sweatshirt. Nothing exceptional, but the sight of him made her heart ache. She bit her lip to keep from smiling, startled that she was no longer annoyed. It would not do to let him see that. "Don't touch me, Zim. I won't hesitate to hurt you."

Zim stepped closer, aware that Dib was watching intently, but that he was also out of earshot. "You've threatened that before. The effects begin to fade after repeated attempts."

She resisted the urge to touch his face. "Perhaps something other than physical pain is necessary then," she replied and he smirked.

"You're going to turn me into a masochist." He laughed as she blushed and pulled her closer. "It isn't unrequited," he whispered in her ear. She stiffened and glared at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said before shaking his grip and continuing on her way.

Zim now had his proof that she was being controlled. She didn't remember what she had said to Gir, so she must have been brainwashed. Thank goodness Dib wasn't right. The thought that the big-head cow child could have been made his squeedily spooch feel odd and sick-like. He didn't know what he would do if anyone were to feel that way about him. Never mind the fact that he did care for Gaz a lot, more than he had ever cared for anything or anyone, and if she had not been brainwashed there was a good chance that her feelings would not have been unrequited.

However, as that was the case, his emotions could go on the back burner for the time being while he sorted out this Tak situation with Dib. "She has been brainwashed," he announced loudly once he entered the Membrane house.

"Shut up! My dad is home. We have to talk about this somewhere more private." Dib led the alien to his room and locked the door. "How do you know she's been brainwashed?"

"Yesterday when she destroyed my living room she told Gir that she hated unrequited love and that it wasn't fair that she was the only one suffering. Gir has a recording of her saying it."

"That only proves that my theory was right," Dib pointed out and began to laugh. "Gaz actually loves someone, and it's you! That's hilarious!"

"You are a moron," Zim said. "I told her outside that it isn't unrequited and she told me she has no idea what I'm talking about. Therefore memory loss, therefore control by the enemy."

"Hmm." Dib sat at his computer and tapped his fingers on his desk. "You have a point. And Tak would be crazy enough to send someone to destroy your base, although I would have expected her to make sure Gaz destroyed the important stuff, not just some bookcases." He paused, thinking. "Unless Gaz was lying about not remembering to save face."

Zim let out an exasperated howl. "Don't be ridiculous! Why would she lie? Is it not true that humans are happy to hear that the same is felt by another?"

"Generally speaking." He shrugged. "I don't know either way. I guess if there is even the slightest chance that Tak has returned we should investigate though. For scientific purposes, of course."

"Good! Let us begin to scheme."

Dib rolled his eyes.

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Gir let the human girl in and led her to the kitchen. "I made omelets!"

"Cool, I guess. What did you tell Zim?" Gaz sat as the robot gave her an omelet covered in syrup. Gir replayed the message and she nearly choked on some bacon bits. "Well, that explains it then. Gir, you do know that he isn't supposed to know how I feel, right?"

"Ooooops. My bad! Gazzy, my bad, my bad, I'm sooooory! Don't turn me off!" Gir ran about the room, hitting his arms against his head. "Woohoo!"

"Calm down! You're going to give me a headache." Gaz chewed thoughtfully, and swallowed with care. "I suppose your improvisation worked to my advantage. That will surely convince him I've been brainwashed or something. It'll keep him busy for a while. But my problem still exists."

"No, it doesn't. It's all okay, Gazzy." Gir had decided to hang from the kitchen fan, swinging back and forth. "Master feels the same for you; he just doesn't want Dib to be right."

Gaz frowned. "That can't be right. Zim hasn't learned what love is yet. His emotions haven't evolved that much."

Gir shook his head. "Master sleeps bad lately. He is always pacing and muttering about his squeedily spooch." The little robot hopped down on the table. "I offered him tuna, but he said it wouldn't help." He jumped over to the sink and began to play with the dishwater.

"Hm." The human looked around the room, locking her eyes on the toilet that would lead to the bowels of the Irken lair. "Let's go downstairs, okay? But don't tell Zim. Can you do that?"

"I like biscuits."

Gaz sighed in frustration. How could the robot be so coherent at times, then turn around and become a complete idiot again? Faulty wiring, she supposed. Gir led her down to the control room and she headed over to the large computer. "Gir, do you know if Zim keeps any records of his emotional experiences?"

"No, master says it would not be secure. He is paranoid."

"Understatement." She bit her lip. "Has he ever mentioned anything to you about his feelings?"

"Ummm, yeeeeesss. Yes, he likes you. He says that –" Gir clamped his mouth shut. "I can't tell you, Gazzy."

"Why not?"

"He said I could never say a word." The robot whimpered helplessly.

"Can you write it for me?" she asked, and Gir's eyes glowed brightly. He ran away and returned with a crayon and some construction paper. Gaz tried to be patient as the robot doodled away, seemingly useless symbols. Then she realized he was writing in Irken script. He held up the paper proudly. "Can you read it to me now?"

"Yes! Story time!" Gir pulled out a beanbag chair from a crawlspace and fluffed it up. "Sit with me for stories!" Gaz made herself as comfortable as possible and Gir began to read aloud. "After Gaz locked me in the basement and gave me our first real kiss, I have been feeling very strange physically. They are not bad sensations, yet they are…I hesitate to use the word…alien to me. I have done research into the matter and this is an emotional and physical side effect of attraction that humans suffer through called lust. Lust is associated not only with attraction, but with like and love. I have experienced like, and from my other symptoms…those akin to fear….it seems as though I am, how do they put it, falling in love with this Gaz human.

"I am not sure how to react to such a thing. I could take the route of unrequited love, though that seems to be more common among the female species. It seems that I shall either have to express my feelings directly, or wait for Gaz to make the first move. This may take some time. For now, it seems as though Tak is returned from space, so my emotions must take second place to this new threat. If something were to happen to Gaz because Tak wants revenge I would not be able to forgive myself. Odd, as I was once an Invader and did not care about such things as regret and guilt. This human girl is making me more Defected than I already am, but I do not feel as though I can complain."

Gir stopped reading and smiled up at Gaz. "Oh god," Gaz whispered. "What have I done?"

"What's wrong Gazzy? Why are you leaking?"

"I screwed up, Gir. He told me my feelings were unrequited and I acted like I had no idea what he was talking about. Granted I didn't know exactly what, but I figured it had to do with love. And now he thinks that I've been brainwashed, I'm sure of it. What am I going to do? If I tell him that I know, he'll just think I'm being controlled again. I don't know what to do!" Her chest felt constricted, far from a pleasant sensation.

"I tried to tell him she wasn't here. He didn't believe me." Gir frowned. "Master thinks I'm silly."

"You're fine," Gaz assured absently. There was only one person she could turn to for help. And she really didn't want to.


	23. Chapter 23

Dib glared at the back of Zim's head and struggled to contort his body into a more comfortable position. "Why are we hiding behind a dumpster behind Bloaty's?" he demanded in a shrill whisper.

"Because this is surely where Tak will force Gaz to come. It would be weird if she missed pizza night. After the last time I don't think anyone can get in the way of her obsession," Zim explained. "We just have to wait for her to show up."

"But we've been here for two hours," Dib complained.

"And you two look like idiots," Gaz spoke up. The two boys fell over one another in their attempts to get up.

"What are you doing here?" Her brother looked particularly nervous.

"Neither of you were in skool today and dad was home. He wanted me to bring you back. We're all going out for pizza tonight. He'll actually be there." She paused. "In person."

"Really?" Dib looked over at Zim and shrugged. "Guy's gotta eat. We can finish this up later. I'll call you when I'm done."

"Very well, stupid dirt-child. I shall finish this mission alone for now. We have only three days left until the end of all endings."

"You mean graduation?" Gaz asked. "You really are ridiculous. You two better not be planning any pranks. They're tightening security after last year."

"What happened last year?" Zim demanded. He had been absent for that event.

"Let's just say it involved lots of meat and balloons," Dib replied, shuddering. "I'll call you later tonight so I can report what I've learned."

Zim sighed, but nodded. As Dib turned to walk away he grasped Gaz's hand. "You haven't been hanging out with me lately. Are you…feeling okay?"

Gaz smiled at Zim. "I have missed you, but there are things that I need to take care of. A mission," she replied vaguely. "I'm sure you understand how those things go."

Zim narrowed his eyes, but nodded. A mission! There was no doubting her controlled state now. "I will see you around, then." His squeedily spooch felt odd as he released her hand and watched her walk away with her brother.

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"Okay, so where's dad?" Dib demanded as they walked into the living room.

"He won't be home for another thirty minutes or so," Gaz replied and pushed him so that he sat down on the couch. "I need to have a serious discussion with you." She hesitated before adding, "I need your help."

Dib jumped up and grabbed a lamp off of the side table, holding it before him like a rapier. "Don't come any closer. I'm not going to allow you to kill me!"

"Don't be stupid," she hissed. "I'm not being possessed by Tak, okay?"

Her brother lowered the lamp. "How do you know that's what Zim thought?"

She sighed. "I was eavesdropping on your conversation last week. I just couldn't bring myself to ask you for help until now. It's difficult to come to you with a problem," she confessed.

"Well, I know Tak isn't controlling you, but what the hell is going on? You've been acting weirder than normal. Zim has been freaking out about this. I don't know why he even thinks you're being brainwashed, except for that random living room thing, and you avoiding us all of a sudden."

"You wouldn't think it was all of a sudden if I hadn't started hanging out with you guys in the first place," Gaz pointed out. She rubbed her eyes and sat down. "What if I told you the living room thing wasn't completely random, and that you were closer to the truth than you thought you were with your initial hypothesis as to why I did it in the first place?"

Dib sat beside her, thinking hard. "Wait. You…you mean…wow! I was right? You're in love with Zim?!" He began to laugh, but cut it short when he caught her glaring at him.

"That's one way to put it, you insensitive freak," she hissed. "But I need your help. Remember on Sunday when he told me it wasn't unrequited and I replied that I had no idea what he was talking about? It's true that I didn't know exactly what he was talking about at the time, but then I came to find out."

"I'm confused."

She sighed. "I needed a way to keep you and Zim off of my back so that I could figure out what to do about this emotion problem before graduation because I didn't want Zim to know how I feel. So I asked Gir to help me get Zim to think that Tak really was back. What Gir ended up doing is making a fake recording of me saying something along the lines of loving Zim and it being unrequited. I didn't know that was what Gir had planned to do. That stupid little robot used reverse psychology on Zim."

Dib nodded his head. "I'm impressed that it can be so smart sometimes. Okay, so let me recap. You were just trying to buy time and enlisted Gir's help, which worked but at the same time backfired on you, because now if you admit to Zim that you do know what he was talking about he'll just think it's all coming from Tak."

Gaz gave him a thumbs-up. "That's it in a nutshell. I need you to convince Zim that Tak isn't really back and that I'm not being controlled. Hell, you can tell him I was suffering from PMS on Sunday and wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone if that's what it takes for him to dismiss anything I said to dissuade him of the notion that I actually do care about him."

"So you want him to know that you love him?" Dib flinched when his sister glared at him. "I'm not poking fun at you; I'm being completely serious right now. You want Zim to know how you feel."

She took a deep breath. "Yes. As loathe as I am to admit it, I want Zim to know the truth. I have significant evidence that suggests that he feels the same about me." She paused. "I want to know what it's like, at least one time. I want to know what it feels like to be in love with someone."

Dib smiled. His sister was growing up! She caught the goofy stretching of his lips and glared once again.

"If you tell _anyone_ about this, I will make your existence miserable. Do you understand me? I don't care how you convince him this was all just a trick. It needs to be done. He doesn't trust me."

"All right. I'll help you. But you're going to owe me." Dib's plan seemed to be working after all.

"Fine. Name your price later." The siblings shook on it as Dr. Membrane entered the dwelling. They went out to eat.

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Zim waited impatiently for Dib to call. It was nearing 10:30 and he still had not heard anything from the big-headed dimwit human dirtball. He had already paced throughout the entire lab and living areas of his base; had even sat down and tried to play checkers with Gir.

The phone rang and he answered immediately. "There is no need to tell me I am great! Skip it and get to the point, worm baby!"

"Zim, you are going to have to learn to answer the phone more normally," Dib replied. "So I discovered some pretty amazing things."

"Like what? Do not keep me in suspense! I will destroy you!"

"Gaz isn't being brainwashed or controlled. In fact, Tak is nowhere on this planet. Gaz is having a cranial meltdown."

"A cranial meltdown? What does that mean?" The alien was puzzled. In all his years on Earth he had never heard of such an occurrence.

"Her emotions got the best of her. She seems to be normal once again. I guess one could blame it on a chemical imbalance or something. However, graduation is coming up. You should probably discuss with her the plans for ending this charade. She seems most eager to come up with some conclusion." Dib smiled to himself.

"She wants it to end, does she? I shall make it a spectacle to behold at graduation! Though I suppose you are correct in talking with her. I suppose I shall catch her at skool tomorrow and we will begin the amazing planning of our grand finale." Zim nodded, even though no one could see. "This will be the best thing the entire skool has ever seen."

"This whole fiasco did make skool more entertaining, I must admit," Dib said. "It'll be a shame that it's over."

"Yes, I regret that it must come to an end. I was growing fond of your dirt-child sister, Dib-monster. However, she does not feel the same, which makes me believe that she was somehow possessed by something. Or Gir malfunctioned. I shall have to run some tests on my minion to make sure that he is still in working order."

"You should ask her if she feels the same, you know. You may be surprised." Dib could not keep the smugness out of his voice. "There's no harm in asking."

"I suppose not…" Zim hummed tunelessly over the phone line. "However I do not want to be considered a female if my affections are not returned."

"Female?" Dib let out an exasperated noise. "Stop watching soap operas! They'll rot your brain."

"Ha! Foolish human waste! Do you not think that Zim has anti-cavity gel that he rubs on his head nightly to prevent such corrosion? Honestly, your lack of intellect astounds me as your head is so huge!" With an evil laugh the ex-Invader hung up on Dib and settled into his chair.

Then he hung his head, antennae drooping. Gaz wanted it to end. Desperately, from what he gathered. It was…depressing, he supposed was the correct term for this feeling. Had he made a mistake in beginning this game? He had not expected things to become so complicated, true, but he had thought that it was going well despite the recent developments.

He missed Gaz. Plain and simple.

Perhaps Dib had a point when he said asking would clear up a lot of questions, but Zim was not an asker. Zim was a doer. Asking questions only led to trouble, or worse: more questions. Dialogue normally made things worse, from what he could tell.

"Very well then," he declared aloud. "I shall devise yet another scheme to win Gaz's heart. Hopefully she will not mind having it removed. Humans are odd when it comes to their mating rituals. I should do some research." He reached for the button that controlled the seldom-used intercom. "Gir! Report to my chair immediately!"

The little robot appeared, holding it's favorite stuffed moose. "I found it! Banana jelly on a caterpillar!"

"Never mind that. I need you to go to the library and find out everything you can about how to remove the heart from the human body." Zim paused. "Also, find out if that is part of the human mating ritual. Gaz would not be very happy with me if I removed it without needing to. Although it would be fun to have a heart in a jar. I've never had one of those before." He abruptly closed his mouth and twitched his hand, a signal Gir did not take to leave, but one that meant he should pounce on his master's head and smear some kind of sticky substance on his face.

"I will destroy you!" Zim bellowed as the little robot skipped away, quite content with life.


	24. Chapter 24

Gaz groaned and pushed her hair out of the way of her face. She had no desire to face the world today. Too much pizza and soda had proven to be her downfall. She certainly didn't want to get out of bed just to go to skool. Granted freedom was only two days away, but she was nearing her limit for tolerance of idiots. The way Zim and Dib had been acting lately was grating on her nerves, and truth be told the only thing she could stand to be around was Gir.

She hoped that Dib had convinced Zim that she was not being controlled by Tak, although if he had she would have a lot of explaining to do. Yes, she had already agreed to tell Zim why she had destroyed his house anyway, but that was beside the point.

The point was that she didn't have a plan.

Gaz hated to be unprepared. Now especially, since it had to do with emotion.

Her alarm went off and she sent it flying into the wall. Effective. Sitting up, she decided today might not be too bad. She was allowed to skip the last two periods of class, as she was exempt from the dreaded Final Exam. Too bad Zim and Dib weren't so lucky. She glared at nothing as she pulled on a pair of jean cutoffs and an oversized shirt. It was simply too hot to wear long pants today.

She walked into the hall and crashed into her brother. "Watch where you're going, idiot," she hissed. He grinned at her.

"Aw, sleeping beauty didn't get enough rest, eh? That's what you get for overindulging." He followed her as she made her way downstairs to the kitchen.

"I heard you talking to Zim last night. What did you tell him?"

"That you were just having a cranial meltdown because you're anxious about how and when this is going to end. He's going to plan something for graduation, I think, but I told him to talk to you first." He smiled, thinking she would be pleased.

She was far from it.

"You told him that I want it to end? You really are an idiot," she seethed and launched a box of cereal at his head. "Now he's going to think I'm desperate to be free of this situation and there's no convincing him otherwise. Thanks for ruining my life."

"But, I…I only did what you told me to," Dib faltered.

"No, you didn't. I told you to convince him that I wasn't being brainwashed. You just don't want me to be happy. Is that it?"

"No! Gaz, I'm sorry. I'll talk to him at skool and tell him I was wrong." Dib looked horribly guilty, and that soothed her throbbing rage. Just a little bit. Enough to spare him from her wrath.

"I think you have done enough. Thank you for convincing him that I am not being controlled. I'll fix this myself." Sighing, she finished eating breakfast and gathered her backpack and Game Slave. This is what she got for not taking matters into her own hands. Now she knew better than to go to her brother for emotional help. What had she been thinking?

The siblings left the house together, Gaz absorbed in her game. She felt as though she had neglected her precious entertainment for quite some time, and decided to blame this on Zim. He had successfully distracted her from the most important thing in her life. And that was a feat in and of itself. She supposed that proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that she really did love the stupid, annoying, egotistical, megalomaniacal alien.

What was she going to _do_?

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Zim waited impatiently at the bus stop. He was on edge today, worried about seeing Gaz. His squeedily spooch felt as though it had been knotted up by Gir. Not a good sensation. In fact, it was downright intolerable.

Lucky for him he could suffer through anything. He was just that amazing.

Yes.

He spotted the Membrane siblings, and noticed that Gaz had reverted back to playing with that ridiculous handheld gaming device. It was worse than he had previously thought. She must be really anxious to get this done and over with if she was reverting back to her old ways.

Now, one would think that both Gaz and Zim had learned a lesson about assuming things and jumping to conclusions. As the saying goes: Don't assume, because it makes an ASS out of U and ME. No one knew who this 'U' person was, but that was beside the point. It is safe to believe that neither had ever heard that little tidbit of wisdom.

"Gaz-human, you and I have things that need to be discussed as soon as possible," Zim stated when she was close enough to hear him. She replied with a grunt, never taking her eyes off the game. The alien looked to Dib for help. "Get her to pay attention. You are the one that said she was eager to get this done and over with," he accused in an annoyed tone. "I don't want to waste my time being around someone that doesn't want to be around me. Nothing productive comes of it."

Gaz caught the last sentence and actually paused her game. "What isn't productive?"

"You ignoring me. Dib has made it clear that you have made it clear that you would clearly like to end this charade. Clearly I am trying to make it clear that I am ready to help you do this."

Gaz stared at Zim and resisted the urge to smack him. "If you say the word 'clear' or any other form of it for the rest of the day I will make sure the next week of your existence will be miserable and filled with meat and water."

Zim gulped. Yes, she had most definitely regressed. "Very well. That does not change the fact that we need to talk. I have a plan to end this for the stupid, filthy pig smellies that inhabit this planet and skool. It will be glorious!"

"I thought you were just going to tell everyone that we were going to break up because you were going to college," she replied, once more turning back to her game. Zim exchanged a startled glance with Dib. Indeed, he had said something along those lines ages ago. How could she have recalled that?"

"Yes, well, that would be boring. Neither of us are boring people, so we must use my creative plan of saturated, undiluted creativity to wow the dumb worm babies. Do you not agree?"

"I suppose, but as you came up with a plan all by yourself I don't see why you need my help. You want it to end so badly, then do it." Gaz looked up at him and glared. "Obviously human emotions are too pitiful for you to waste your time on." The bus arrived and she made sure to sit away from the alien and her brother.

Zim looked at Dib. "I'm getting mixed messages again. Are you sure that she wants it to end? She is acting as though that is the last thing she wants right now. I am confused, Dib-monster."

Dib shrugged. "I guess you could consider it a case of miscommunication," he managed to choke out before laughing maniacally at his own wit. Zim growled and cursed the human under his breath.

He _really_ hated that word.

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Gaz was able to avoid Zim up until lunchtime. She was almost successful in dodging into a broom closet when she spotted him across the hallway, but he was paying more attention than usual, seeing how he had noticed her avoiding him. When she went to close the door behind her it stopped on Zim's sneakered foot.

She glared over her shoulder at him and tried to push him out of the way, but he simply pushed back and followed her into the closet and closed the door, blocking the only exit with his body. "What the hell do you want?" she spat and folded her arms across her chest.

"To talk to you. You have been avoiding me and I want to know what is going on. I'm sick of these games, dirt-child. Dib made it quite clear that you want out as soon as possible, though he insisted that I find out for myself. Which, I must admit, was sound advice, for you are sending mixed messages once again. That trait should be erased from the female anatomy. It is rather annoying."

"Zim," Gaz began but hesitated. "I am not sending mixed messages. I just don't know what you want or expect from me. And I suppose that I owe you an apology for allowing you to believe that I was being brainwashed. I asked Gir to help me make you forget that I was supposed to explain myself on Thursday, so he made a fake recording of me."

"Ah. Now I understand why you had no idea what I was talking about," Zim mused.

"Yes. Speaking of which, were you telling the truth? About it not being unrequited, I mean." Gaz bit her lip as she waited for her answer. She was putting herself on the line and she prayed to whatever being may smile down on her for the answer to be yes.

The ex-Invader, the Defective, was dumbstruck. Here was his chance. The golden opportunity to tell her that yes, he had spoken the truth, that there was nothing he would rather feel except the emotions that she evoked in him. And he could do so without looking like a female. It was a win-win situation.

He opened his mouth to speak and the human girl realized that she was holding her breath.

"No. I was not speaking the truth."

Gaz could only stand before him, shaking as her tear-producing glands kicked into overtime. They didn't fall until he had opened the door and walked out into the hallway, away from her.

Her body wracked with sobs, she waited for him to look back. Even once.

No such luck.


	25. Chapter 25

Zim searched the crowded skoolyard for the Dib-monster and finally spotted him by the bus circle. The human waved in greeting and walked toward him. "Have you seen the Gaz-human anywhere?"

Dib frowned. "No. She got to leave skool early because she was exempt from her last two finals. Why? Did you talk to her?"

Zim decided lying would be the best protocol at the moment. "No. That's why I was looking for her."

"I saw her getting ready to leave. She looked like she had been crying."

"Maybe she has allergies," the alien suggested, beginning to think that allowing Dib to come over here had been a bad idea.

"True." He shrugged. "She's probably at home playing video games. You want to come over so you can talk to her?"

"Um…" The answer was a definite 'no,' but he couldn't just say that. "I have to tweak the plans a bit more before I present them to her."

"About those plans."

Zim glanced at Dib. "Yes?"

"Maybe you shouldn't end it. I didn't do a very good job of explaining Gaz's 'cranial meltdown' to you. She cares about you a lot. More than she's ever cared about anything. I think you should take that into consideration before you do something stupid. I meant to tell you this earlier, but the bus wasn't a very good place to bring it up."

Zim's glance turned into an Irken death glare. Stupid, moronic human! Why had he not spoken up sooner? "I see. That explains it then," he muttered to himself.

"Explains what?" Dib was beginning to feel suspicious that the alien had done something already.

"Nothing to warrant your concern." Zim walked away, waving his arms in the air. "I will see you at some point in the future, worm baby."

Dib shook his head slightly and headed for the bus that would take him home. He had the misfortune of sitting behind two girls from Gaz's art class. Why had he left his headphones at home? WHY?

"Yeah, like, I saw her in the hallway as lunch was starting."

"So, what happened to her? I heard something, but it sounded made up, you know?"

"Well, like, it looked like Gaz tried to hide from Zim, but they both ended up in the same closet and I don't know what happened in there, 'cause, like, a girl's gotta eat, but my friend said that he saw Zim leave and Gaz was, like, _crying_. Can you believe it?"

"Oh. My. God. No way! That explains why she looked so upset earlier. This guy I sit next to in English said that he was walking by the closet, heard voices, and stopped to listen. You'll never believe what he told me!"

"What? You, like, have to tell me! I'll totally die if you don't!"

The girls giggled and Dib could not restrain himself from turning around and confronting them. "What the hell did the guy in your English class say? This is important!"

The smarter of the two girls frowned in confusion, while the other killed more brain cells by continuing to giggle and forgetting to breathe. "He said that Gaz asked Zim if he had been telling the truth about something being unrequited, and Zim told her no! He said he had been lying!"

The other girl stopped laughing. "What a jerk! Who does Zim think he is? Like, you never tell a girl that!"

Dib faced front and the girls continued to call the alien horrible names that, like, totally described him as the asshole he was. He could not believe that irritating ex-Invader had screwed up so badly. So much for his plans going as they should. He wished the bus would get to his destination quicker. If Gaz had just had her heart broken there was no telling what evil she would unleash on the world. He had to get home to stop her before she killed someone. Namely Zim.

--

Gaz was neither out and about or holed up in her room planning delicious schemes of revenge. No, Dib walked in to find her curled up on the sofa with a gallon tub of her favorite ice cream watching zombies get torn to pieces on the television. Her mascara had smeared horribly and the rest of her face looked swollen and pink, but it was of no consequence to her. Nothing mattered now that her world had crumbled around her.

She hated herself for being so weak in the face of heartache, but as it was her first time around this particular block, she felt it was acceptable for her to act like the female she was. For the time being.

"Gaz," Dib said as gently as he could to alert her of his presence.

She grunted. At least she wasn't comatose. That was usually a good thing.

"Hey, um, if you want any help dooming Zim you can count me in." At this she raised her head and removed the spoon from her mouth.

"The only help I will require is coming up with the most intricate form of torture the world has ever known. That and drop-kicking his ass back to Foodcourtia where I now believe he belongs and should stay forever." She sat up and scooted over so that her brother could sit down. "I want to keep Gir though."

Dib refrained from laughing; for once knowing that tact was necessary. He remembered all too well what had happened to him when he had laughed at Lisa. Gaz was sure to be twenty times worse. "What did he do?"

"What do you think he did?" Gaz hissed through gritted teeth. It was either this or shouting at the top of her lungs and so far Dib had not done anything to warrant her shouting at him. "He dumped me. I thought we had moved past the land of fantasy and actually decided that we wanted to be together. Yes, I freaked out when I realized how much I cared for him, but apparently he was pretending the entire time. I feel stupid and humiliated and I don't want to see him ever again. If I can help it."

Dib was becoming angry, he realized. In a protective-older-brother type of way. This type of rage could only be destroyed if he sought out justice on behalf of his sister.

He was going to make Zim pay.

--

The Defective alien was pacing once again. He had lied to Gaz, yes, but it was to give her a dose of her own medicine for one thing, and for another he could not bring himself to say the simple three-letter word he knew she had wanted to hear. She had tortured him, humiliated him, deceived him, and made him want her so badly that he had feared he would go mad because of it.

Yet she also loved him. And he, loathe as he was to admit it, felt as though he loved her in return.

And he felt horrible for lying to her.

Although he had expected her to do something about it by now, if she was upset. He had not waited for a reaction from her when he had given her his answer, so it was logical thinking on his part that since she had not made an attempt on his life yet she must have been okay with his answer.

In reality he was sure beyond reasonable doubt that this was not the case, that she was not fine, but it eased his guilt to think otherwise. He hated feeling guilty.

And aside from that, admitting that he was wrong was not an option. He was the mighty Zim!

The doorbell rang and Gir ran to answer it. Zim made no attempt to stop the insane little robot. He was in no mood for social interaction. "Ziiiim, there is a surprise for you on the doorstep!" Gir shouted from the doorway of the lab. "I didn't answer the door."

Zim ceased pacing. "Why not?"

"It's for you."

That made sense.

The alien made his way to the door and opened it, only to duck down to avoid being hit in the face by a fist that belonged to none other than Dib. The human howled in disappointment at missing and spent another twenty seconds trying to land a good blow to the stupid ex-Invader's face. He did get a blow to Zim's shoulder, but it wasn't as satisfactory.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, idiot dirt child?" Zim shouted, rubbing his shoulder. Surprisingly, the human knew how to hit. "Have your brain wires been zapped with a stupidity ray?"

"Shut up with your meaningless insults!" Dib shouted back. "What the hell did you do to my sister?"

Zim stilled quite suddenly and gave Dib an odd look. "What do you mean by that?"

"She has been sitting on the sofa gorging herself with ice cream and dismemberment for the past two hours. She won't speak, won't blink, she looks as though she just cried enough tears to overflow the Nile River, and she says it's _your fault_!" Dib took a deep breath and glared.

Zim sat on the ground as he absorbed the information. "She is upset with me, I take it?"

"That's the most severe understatement I've ever heard!" Dib sat down beside him. "If you weren't my friend I would have tried to kill you by now. So you better explain yourself_ clearly_."

"I was attempting to get her back for all the evil things she has subjected me to over the past several months. And for allowing me to get all worried that she was in danger from Tak. And I couldn't let you to be right. I am never wrong."

Dib shook his head and refrained from giving into the urge to tackle the alien and choke him to see what color he would turn. Apparently Gaz had begun to rub off on him. "You are wrong a whole lot and you know it. But this is your biggest screw-up yet. I need you to be honest with me. Do you love my sister?"

Zim hesitated. He did not want to admit to such a wonderful weakness. Then again, he didn't want Dib to find some way to strap him down to a lab table. "Yes."

"And how are you going to make this better?"

"I…I don't know." The alien's antennae drooped. "Seeing as this is your sister we are talking about, there is not a chance that I am going to be able to get near her. She will only be in skool tomorrow for two periods and on Thursday I'll only see her at graduation." He glanced over at Dib. "I take it that the entire skool knows what happened during lunch by now?"

"That is probably a safe assumption." They sat in silence for quite a while, each scheming of how to get Gaz to see Zim.

"How much does she hate me?"

"Enough to want to drop-kick you to Foodcourtia. She wants to keep Gir though," Dib added thoughtfully. "I think it's safe to assume that she would quite literally kill you if given the chance. Gaz, as you know, is not one to allow being a girl to get in the way of revenge. I think the fact that she is a girl is going to be a problem because she has girly justice on her side this time."

"I see." They lapsed into silence once again. "Hey, doesn't your dad have a conference tomorrow night? Out of town?"

"Yes. Why/"

"I'm going to need your help getting into her bedroom while she's at skool."

Dib's jaw dropped open. "Are you kidding me? No one is allowed in there! She's got the whole place rigged. You'd never make it. Aside from that you can't just go skipping your Final Exams right before the end of skool."

"I think this love issue is more important than a festering blister on this miserable ball of muck." Zim paused. "Perhaps there is some way we can procure documents detailing her traps."

Gir came up behind his master and wrapped crushing arms around his torso. "I have an outline!" the little robot shouted and pulled a rolled piece of paper from his head. "Look! Gazzy gave it to me so I could visit whenever I wanted. She forgot to tell me not to show you though. She's silly. I love her so much!"

Zim and Dib stared at the metal creature before them. Odd as it seemed, this tiny SIR unit was the answer to their silent prayers. They hoped it wouldn't also prove to be their downfall.


	26. Chapter 26

_Slightly more graphic kissing in this one, just to warn those that like to avoid that type of thing. _

In theory the plan was simple. Twist the doorknob to the right, not the left. Step on the first and third floorboards, but skip the fifth and sixth. If light was needed, use the switch closest to the door. The bed was safe, but the wall against which the headboard rested is not. Do not touch anything on the dresser or shelves that held toys. Be sure not to forget that all drawers are rigged. And above all else, do not go within a two foot radius of the window or open the closet door. If a hiding space was needed, under the bed was safe.

There were no explanations to accompany the strict guidelines for entering Gaz's room and reemerging unharmed.

Dib and Zim stood before the closed door, unable to move. Human nudged alien. "Well, get on with it."

"You open the door. She's your sister."

"I'm not the one that wants to confess my love. Besides, I've never attempted to open the door without her consent. As this is your mission, you're the one that is going to have to make the sacrifices."

"I thought you used the door to get that camera in there."

"What? Oh, no, I attached that by the window from the outside. I'm not stupid. Now get going!"

"Do you not want to be known for your willingness to explore unknown territory?" Zim demanded. "What a great honor it is to be known as a pioneer."

"Exactly. Doing this isn't honorable, it's stupid and crazy. Go for it." Dib checked his watch. "And you better hurry. She'll be done with her Final in about fifteen minutes."

"Very well." Zim glanced down at the paper Gir had given him. He twisted the doorknob to the right and pushed. The door swung open. So far so good. He stepped gingerly on the suggested floorboards and made it to the bed in one piece. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Dib give him a thumbs-up before pulling the door shut.

Now all he had to do was wait.

…How boring.

Zim resisted the strong urge to walk around and touch things that he knew he wasn't allowed to touch. How could Gir stand to be in this room? Perhaps it was different when Gaz was inside. That made sense, he supposed. It would be stupid if she could never touch things in her own room. He doubted her room had changed much over the years. Dark colors, creepy-looking stuffed animals, posters that didn't make sense to him. His eye caught sight of a picture frame facedown on her side table. Itching with curiosity, he reached a clawed hand out to put it right, but stopped. He had better consult the paper for this one. Safety first.

Not a dresser, and not a shelf with a stuffed animal on it.

He set it straight.

It was the picture he had given her for her birthday. He allowed himself to smile as there was no one around. Good times. That day had been one of the happiest he could remember since coming to this planet. He didn't even look all that disgruntled. He felt a familiar twinge in his squeedily spooch as he traced her image. She seemed to be positively _glowing_. That day she had looked especially attractive.

Zim knew he had been a complete fool the past two weeks. The alien could only hope that she would be willing to consider forgiveness an option.

--

Gaz breathed a sigh of relief as the bell rang, signaling freedom. She was looking forward to three months without morons and teachers and waking up early. And now that she had rediscovered her love of video games she could hardly wait to spend eight hours a day indulging and making up for lost time.

She had been hoping summer would also mean spending more time with Zim, but of course that was no longer an option. The thought made her want to begin crying again, but that was all she had done the day before and she did not like having a stuffy nose. It made the whole breathing thing more work than it should be.

Dib was sitting at his computer when she walked up the steps and down the hallway. "How was your test?"

"Easy. A hamster could have passed it, I'm sure." She glanced around. "Zim isn't here, is he? I want to avoid him at all costs."

"No, but he did say he'd be over soon," Dib replied slowly. "If you're going to lock yourself in your room I'll just tell him you're out somewhere."

"Thanks. Not that he would come looking for me anyway." She turned to leave.

"That's what you think," he muttered under his breath and pretended to cough when she turned to peer at him.

"Weirdo." She entered her room and closed the door, dropping her bag on the ground. She went to the window, slid the pane up, and lit a cigarette. Twenty-eight seconds later she realized Zim was sitting on her bed. "You! How the hell did you get in here without setting off any traps?" she demanded, crushing her barely-smoked cigarette on the sill.

"I have my ways for I am the mighty ZIM!" he replied and laughed maniacally. Then he calmed himself. "I have some explaining to do."

"Yeah, well I don't want to hear it. I've had enough of your crap. You don't care about me, fine. That's your decision. But don't come around looking to cause trouble. I don't want to deal with you."

"I lied!" he shouted and she froze. "I can't stop thinking about you or how much I enjoy our power struggles. I have a hard time resting because you plague my thoughts. And I am ashamed to admit that I have been horrible to you. I should not have tried to use emotions to get even with you for the brainwashing thing. I was wrong and I have to tell you the truth about how I feel. Gaz, I–"

She clapped her hands over her ears and started singing nonsense words as loud as she could. "I'm not going to listen to you. I don't want to hear it. Don't come in here and think that a speech is going to make me fall to my knees for you. If you can't be truthful with me about how you really feel, then I don't know how I can trust anything you say in regard to emotions." She blinked to keep back tears and turned her back on him. "Get the hell out and stay away from me."

"I'm not going to do that, you stubborn worm baby female," Zim growled, angry at her for being unwilling to take him seriously. He hopped off of her bed and walked toward her. "I think you need to know that—" He was once again cut off, this time by a metal chute appearing below his feet. He had unwittingly stepped on the sixth floorboard.

Gaz spun on her heel just in time to see Zim's head disappear before the hologram reset itself. "Oh, that's fantastic," she grumbled and headed down to the basement to set him free.

--

Zim was in a cage. It wasn't too bad. Plenty of room, and it even had a chair. In truth it reminded him of the time Gaz had been forced into quarantine. Either way, it sure beat being chained to the wall.

Although that had been kind of kinky…

No! Bad thoughts!

He paced the cell. Six feet by six feet, apparently. Not too small, but the fact that the cage was made of Plexiglas instead of metal bars was beginning to make him feel claustrophobic. That was probably because of whose house he was in. There was a decent chance that not-good things were coming his way, in Gaz form.

Ten minutes passed before the human female emerged, grumbling about security codes and guard spiders. She came to a halt before the cage, scrutinizing Zim. "I can't decide if I want to let you out or not."

Zim glared at her. "If you do not let me out, then at least listen to what I have to say. It is important."

"I don't have to do anything you say. You have no claim on me."

"But I want to!" he shouted. "You are more irritating than any creature I have ever met! Why are you so stubborn?"

"Because you broke my heart!" she shouted back. "Yes, I have been decidedly cruel toward you at times, but I've never done that, now have I? And it only happened yesterday! You can't just waltz in here and act like you can make everything okay again."

"Why not?"

"What?"

"Why can't I make everything okay again?"

"I…um." Gaz faltered. She didn't know how to respond.

"Gaz, if I did not care for you I would not be sitting in this cage right now, putting my freedom in your hands." He tried to give her what he hoped look like a patient smile. "I understand that I have hurt you. You need to understand how badly I feel about that."

She looked away from him. "It feels like it's going to take time before I can forgive you, and even longer to talk to you again." She glared at the floor. "I don't want it to, but that's how it seems."

"Don't do that to me!" Zim shouted. "It wouldn't be fair! For once in my life I am putting someone else as the top priority. I am willing to do whatever it takes for you to believe in me again." He shrugged. "Try to think of the effort I am putting into this. It is difficult to admit that I think you are more important to me than anything else."

The confession made her want to melt, but she would not allow it. He had screwed with her head. He had denied her love. He had pissed her off.

Yet he had also come here to make things right. And that did count for a lot.

She sighed. She just couldn't stay mad at him when she had him in a cage, all helpless and pleading for forgiveness. She walked over to the door and held up the key. "So, what are you saying, exactly?"

"What? Have you not been listening to me at all?"

"You have yet to actually say anything that I really want to hear."

Zim's eyes widened in horror. "Gaz. No. Not the 's' word."

"Say it or I'll – wait. What 's' word?" she demanded.

The alien gulped. "Sorry."

She frowned in confusion. "But I've heard you say it before. I'm sure I have."

"You have heard me say 'apologize', which is completely different. 'Sorry' is a horrible word." He shuddered. "Do not make me explain."

"Okay. But the 's' word wasn't the one I was waiting for. In fact, I was waiting for more than just one."

"So what are you waiting to hear?"

Gaz wanted to scream from her frustration. "If you are really that stupid, then I don't know why I'm wasting my time. I'll let you rot until you figure it out."

"What I am saying is that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make you love me. Or at the very least let me out of this miserable cage." He sighed and clenched his eyes shut, afraid of what she would do to him.

She unlocked the door and moved back several paces. "There is only one thing I want you to do right now," she announced and he opened his eyes and exited the cage with as much dignity as he could muster.

"And that would be?"

"I want you to promise that you won't lie to me anymore about your feelings. In return, I won't lie to you."

"Is that all?" Zim was skeptical.

"No. But that's what I want for now."

"Very well." Zim stood before her and took her hand. "Gaz, I promise on Gir's life that I will never lie to you again about my emotions because this is not worth it."

"Thank you. You can go now."

"What?" He stared at her. "You're going to kick me out after all of that?"

"You weren't expecting me to jump in your arms and declare this happily ever after, were you?"

"Well." Gaz shook her head and looked away. In that moment he hooked his foot around her ankle and yanked. She fell back, but avoided hitting her head by Zim's hand blocking it from hitting the floor. She was effectively pinned. "I did something for you, now you do something for me."

Her eyes widened. "No. I'm not going to do that, Zim. Get the hell away from me."

He glared at her. "That's not what I meant, you insufferable female. I know better than to attempt that. I am wounded that you would assume such a thing."

"I'm sorry." She wiggled to get more comfortable. "You're heavier than you look."

"Right. Anyway, I want you to try to calm down more. You're always on edge. Try to relax when you're around me. You know I won't let harm come to you."

She nodded. "I'll try." On impulse she lifted her head and brushed her lips against his cheek. "So what are you going to do tomorrow?"

"Oh, you shall see. The stupid worm babies won't know what hit them. It will be GLORIOUS!" He smirked down at her. "For now there are more important things to do."

"Like what?"

"Kissing you."

"I see."

"Indeed."

"Get on with it all ready," she commanded and he did. Their lips met forcefully and he used his teeth to nibble on her bottom lip. She moaned from the shock of emotion that flooded through her. She felt feverish and light-headed. It was nice. Shyly, she kissed back, slanting her mouth against his, and used her tongue to gently lick his lips. It shocked her when he responded in kind. They had never kissed like this, so intimately, not even when she had him chained up.

Her hands would not keep themselves still, running from his antennae to the bottom of his shirt, and back up along the lengths of his arms. She was thrilled by the way his hands cradled her face. She felt as though she could do this forever.

It made her question why she had avoided doing this with Zim for so long.

The floorboards above creaked and Gaz was thrown out of her dizzying kissing mindset. She pushed him away and stood up.

The alien accepted her hand and popped up beside her.

She cleared her throat. "Um, that was quite not what I expected."

He grinned. "I studied up on your so-called kissing as part of the mating experience. There are many ways to make it quite enjoyable."

"Hm," she replied absently. "Well. I suppose this means that we are back on good terms then."

"Indeed."

"Stop saying that!" She glanced up at him. "So…what does this mean?"

He frowned in confusion. "I thought you just said it meant we are on good terms."

"Yes, but what does that mean?"

"You are the one that said it."

"I know, but –"

"Gaz, stop talking." She did. "I suppose this means that I am claiming you to be the affection monkey of my squeedily spooch. Which means no hugging, kissing, talking, or looking at another male for as long as you live."

"Did I do that anyway?"

"Fair enough."

"So will you kiss me again?"

Zim grinned evilly. "Maybe." He grasped her shoulders and she couldn't keep the smile from crossing her face as her nerve endings sent little pulses racing up her spine. Their lips almost met until Dib found a way through the giant spiders.

"Zim, are you okay? What – oh, gross! Stop doing that!" Dib yanked them apart forcibally. "Have some respect for me, and spare my eyes this horrible sight. The last thing I ever wanted to see was my sister kissing someone."

Gaz glared at him. "How did you get past the spiders?"

Dib paled. "It was harder than it seems." He looked at the two of them. "So, I guess you won't be trying to kill each other any time soon. How disappointing."

"Why is that, stupid human?"

"I really wanted to see her kick your ass."

Gaz shook her head and began to walk away. "Juveniles. Zim, order me some pizza. I'm hungry."

"I am not your slave, Gaz-human. Do not think that you can boss me, The Mighty Zim, around like some common peasant! It is an outrage," the alien howled. She looked over her shoulder at him and he sighed. "Very well."

Dib followed them back upstairs, wondering how he had failed to notice all of the twisting tunnels and stairways that were below his house.

Tomorrow was bound to be interesting.


	27. Chapter 27

The vice principal stood at the podium and looked down at the sea of vile teenagers that had plagued her skool for the last four years, all dressed in different colored robes as the idiots on the skool board panel had decided it would be more fun for the graduates to choose their own hues. They all looked like precious shades of the rainbow.

How disgusting.

Thank goodness there was only one speaker left and then the diploma-giving could ensue and everyone could go home.

She cleared her throat and glanced down her nose at the note cards before her. "As you all know we are gathered here to offer congratulations to the students of this high skool. You survived your sentence of four years. Now we are going to release you onto the unsuspecting world. God help us all."

No one spoke.

"And so we have our final speaker to offer you tidbits of useless trivia that some will consider wise. I have the pleasure," her mouth sneered at the word, "of announcing that the last words I will ever have to hear from any of your mouths will come from none other than –" She stopped and rubbed her eyes. "Excuse me." She picked the note card up and peered at the writing. There was no doubt that it was her script, but when had she written _that _name?

She cleared her throat once more. "I give you, Zim…the Mighty."

Murmurs rippled through rows of students and proud parents alike.

Zim stepped onto the stage wearing a dark purple robe with the Irken symbol drawn on with permanent marker. "Thank you all. I know, I am amazing. But, please, you may all shut your noise tubes now and stop talking about how truly awesome I am."

Dib, sitting center from the stage, couldn't keep the grin off of his face.

"While I am disappointed, perhaps even depressed, that I did not have the opportunity to destroy you all at my earliest convenience, I must admit that I have learned some things from you disgusting worm babies." He paused for dramatic effect. "I have certainly never doubted that I understood feelings such as loathing and contempt, but I learned even more important emotions. Accomplishment. Yes, the sweet feel of knowing that I have defeated you all at one thing or another gives me a sense of being filled with goo. Satisfaction goo. And yet I have learned something even more important."

He looked up at the audience, but did not see Gaz.

"I learned humiliation and compassion. If it had not been for the one girl that did not care that I was different from you, I would not be here before you today. Her name is Gaz. And if any of you so much as look at her in a way that I do not like I will rip your heads from your bodies and use your intestines as jump rope for Gir. Do you understand?" he bellowed into the microphone. A collective gasp went through the student body. "Oh, and I am going to keep your heart in a jar because I've always wanted one of those. I may start a collection." A boy in the center made a mad dash for the door, but couldn't get by the others. Zim waved his arms in the air. "Calm down, dirt child, I don't even know who you are. But that doesn't mean that I can't find out! I am telling you all that Gaz is mine."

He stepped away from the podium and began to walk across the stage. He paused in mid-step and performed an about-face, returning to the podium once more. "Oh, and I love you, Gaz and I apologize for what is to come, if you are in the audience. Thank you, that is all."

Gaz sat next to the Holo-Dad and stared down at the alien, not quite sure what to think. Certainly his speech was unexpected, as was him being announced Valedictorian, but she had thought that there would be more to it than that.

Most importantly, however, he had just said that he loved her in front of the whole skool. If he had done it any more romantically than that she would have had the urge to vomit little chocolate hearts.

"Now, Gir!" Zim shouted from the steps leading to the main floor.

The tiny robot pulled a cord and a large banner that spanned the stage unraveled, revealing the words _Zim + Gaz Forever Glorious_. Below that, Gir had added **Piggies are my friends**. Trap doors that had been installed on the ceiling the day before flew open, unleashing thousands of rubber pigs and jelly donuts onto the heads of the unsuspecting students and family members. Gir giggled with joy as the squeaky toys and powdered treats fell, running about the stage to collect as many of his prized possessions as he could.

Students screamed as jelly donuts exploded on impact and rubber pigs pummeled them from above. Parents and staff members could only stare on in horror as their precious children were buried beneath Zim's surprise.

Gaz could not find the inner strength to keep from laughing. It was perfect.

Then the lasers came on.

People lacking sense stared directly at the evil rays of light and howled in pain as their eyes felt as though they would melt while others forgot about the pigs and jelly and focused on the pretty lights. Gaz saw Zim pull Dib from the flood below and watched as they ran behind the curtain, probably to freedom. She wormed her way through the crowded balcony as the adults shook themselves of their stupors and began screaming for their offspring. She managed to lose the Holo-Dad and ran outside, dislodging a jelly donut from her hair.

Her communicator beeped and she held her wrist up. "I just got out. Where are you guys?"

"We're a few blocks away," Dib replied. "Go to your left and hurry up. We have to head for Zim's house before the mob gets loose."

"Wouldn't going to Zim's be a stupid idea?" Gaz demanded as she jogged in their direction. "Everyone knows where he lives. His house doesn't exactly blend in with the neighborhood. It's turquoise."

"Force field!" Zim panted beside Dib. "Are they after us yet?"

Gaz glanced over her shoulder and almost tripped as she began to laugh at the sight of a mass of bodies surging through the hall doors, a cloud of powdered sugar following in their wake, punctuated by neon purple lasers. Everyone was either red and sticky or red and sticky with pigs stuck to them.

"They definitely don't look happy," she replied and picked up the pace. She caught up with them and Zim led them through a series of shortcuts to get to his house.

The three teens burst through Zim's front door, pushing the robotic parents out of the way. Gaz slammed the door shut after Gir and locked it. Zim looked relatively unharmed from the onslaught of jelly and rubber. Dib, on the other hand, had unfortunately been trapped in the middle of the downpour and was unable to escape from the writhing mass of stupid people that did not how to react to the situation with sense. He was red, white, pink, sticky and kept rubbing at his eyes.

Gaz herself was fine, except for where that donut had oozed its innards all over her head. "Zim, I know that you hate water, but do you have showers?"

"Hm?" The alien looked at her, distracted. "Oh, yes. There are some in the labs. All of you humans are just _filthy_ and I can't have dirty specimens in my observatory. What would the others think?"

"Right. Lead the way?" She gave him a tiny shove and he smiled, patting her on the forehead, where the jelly was not. "How did you manage to put all that together without anyone realizing?" she demanded.

"Were you impressed, my love-squeaky? I remembered that you said meat would cause problems, so I figured that jelly donuts were the best alternative. And Gir just had to add those infernal pigs. I don't know how he found so many." Zim shook his head.

"If you ever call me 'love-squeaky' again I will squeeze you until that is the only sound you will ever be able to make again," Gaz threatened. "But, yes, I was impressed. That is the most original thing I've seen all year, I must admit." The trio came to the showers at long last and Dib jumped into the first stall, slamming the door shut behind him.

Gaz headed over to her shower and smirked at the Irken. "Too bad you hate water, or I'd ask you to join me," she teased.

Zim glared at her. "You are so cruel."

She blew him a kiss, allowing her brain to go OOC for just a second, and entered the stall.

--

Gir settled on Gaz's lap as they sat sprawled about the living room. The mob of angry students, parents, and teachers had tried for over an hour to get onto Zim's property to no avail. It had been quite amusing to watch them grow more frustrated by the minute.

"I still don't understand how you came out Valedictorian," Gaz grumbled.

"I had a perfect grade point average, my affectionate worm baby. At least I did once I was done with the skool records," Zim added with a malicious laugh. "That is what they all get for thinking they are smarter than me, ZIM!" He laughed again until Dib and Gaz yelled at him to shut up in unison.

"What about the note cards?"

"Oh, she kept raving on about her speech while I was in skool yesterday so when she wasn't looking I sent Gir in there to modify the name. He is quite good at plagiarism, believe it or not."

"And why did you choose rubber pigs and jelly donuts?"

Zim shuddered. "The pigs were all Gir's idea and the jelly donuts…" He shuddered again, more forcefully this time. "They make me think of unpleasant things. You do not want to know," he added, waving his hand in Dib's direction to cut him off. "It is far too gruesome for me to explain to you, in detail, how rancid jelly donuts are."

"I hate it when he does that," Dib grumbled.

"So basically you hate jelly donuts and that was the worst torture you could come up with?" Gaz demanded. "After all of those plans I showed you that I had come up with, you choose food. I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"Gaz, I expected you to be proud of me. Was their reaction not worth it? First they couldn't believe that I stood up for you, and then to be pelted with disgusting, sugar-infested treats? Perfect, I tell you! Perrrrrfect!" He indulged in his maniacal laughter once again. "Although I did add the lasers as an afterthought. The Tallest was ever so fond of lasers," Zim commented.

"The lasers were definitely awesome, but I guess jelly donuts are okay. Although I'm confused as to why the pigs stuck to anything with jelly on it," Gaz said.

"Oh, that's because I reconfigured the molecules in the jelly to attract pigs."

"But they were made of rubber."

"A pig is a pig. If it looks like a pig, and it squeaks like a pig, and Gir plays with it like a pig, then it is a pig."

"Pigs don't squeak."

"A small technicality, easily ignored by me." Zim smiled and nudged her with his foot. "Wait 'til you see what happens at midnight."

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I meant it to mean."

Gaz rolled her eyes. "I'm not waiting until midnight," Dib spoke up. The other two glanced over at him.

"I don't believe you were invited to stay," Zim replied. "You would probably become grossed out by what I am going to show your sister." He grinned wickedly. "She may be as well."

"Whatever. I gotta get home anyway to make sure that the HoloDad is okay." Dib stood. "Take care of her, Zim," he muttered as he passed the alien. Zim nodded.

"So now what?" Gaz asked, shaking her foot idly.

"We wait."

"Sounds fantastic."


	28. Chapter 28

Gaz glanced at her watch: 11:57 PM. Finally, she could feel as though something might happen at midnight after all. The wait had been boring. Zim had put Gir to bed at 9:30 and left her sitting alone in his living room while he disappeared to wherever, doing whatever.

"Gaz!" Zim shouted from the top of the stairs. "come up here now, or else!"

"Or else what?" she demanded as she stood and cracked her spine. "You left me down here by myself with nothing of interest to occupy me."

"You'll miss the surprise."

She rolled her eyes and took the steps two at a time. When she arrived at the attic door, down the hall from Zim's room, she folded her arms against her chest and frowned. "Well, where is it?"  
"Look," the alien replied and pointed at a window. "Lunar eclipse." The phenomenon was almost complete.

She repressed the urge to strangle him with great difficulty. "You made me wait hours upon hours by myself to see the eclipse? It's the only thing that's been on the news and instead up dragging my ass up here I could still be on the couch. I can see it from your living room window. What the hell?"

"No, you impatient, ignorant cuddle monkey!" he exclaimed. "What do you think I am, an idiot?"

She raised a brow and he glared at her. "You're the one that called me ignorant, so you tell me."

"I take it back. I had to wait for my neighbors' attention to be on the eclipse completely before I could show you this." He opened the door to the attic and pushed her up the steps. Her eyes widened.

"This is incredible, Zim," she breathed as she circled his spacecraft. "Has it been here the whole time? Is this the ship that brought you here?" She hadn't felt this giddy with excitement over something definitely classified under the "GEEK" category in a while.

"Yes. Well, mostly."

"Mostly?"

"It wasn't on autopilot the whole time!" he replied testily. "I am a mighty Irken pilot! You should see my record."

"You failed your driver's test. You couldn't even get your learner's permit," she pointed out.

"Shut up and bask in the awesomeness that is alien technology."

Gaz did as she was told for once. "Can we take it for a ride?"

"Of course." Zim opened the hatch and helped her step in. He settled himself in the pilot's seat and pulled her onto his lap. He groaned when her elbow dug into his chest as she squirmed to get comfortable and purred when she stroked an antenna. "You can't be doing that when I'm piloting."

"I won't she promised. Under her breath she added, "not until it's unexpected."

"Don't even think about it," he warned. "I don't want to hit something."

"Are you kidding?" she yelled as the tiny craft fired up. Her breath caught in her throat as they lifted into the night sky, unnoticed by anyone. The continued to ascend above the trees, clouds and finally Earth's atmosphere. "I can't believe I'm in space!" She felt giddy again, but attributed it to lack of air. The ship hung suspended in the blackness of space. She looked down upon her home planet. "I bet Dib would love to be up here."

"He has never seen my ship."

Gaz twisted in his lap to face Zim. "He hasn't?"

"No. I saved this to share with you. I know that you don't entirely believe that I care for you as much as I say I do." Gaz began to protest, but he silenced her. "You don't trust easily. I do understand, although being this sincere is difficult for me."

She sighed. This particular converstaion had been building up for a while. Of course he had to wait until they were in space to bring it up. "Zim, I do trust you. But I'm no one special. Besides, I don't trust the idea of love. It's complicated. Video games can't break my heart. I act the way I do for a reason." She shook her head. "Ugh, I sound so freaking lame."

Zim cleared his throat nervously. "Well, you're special to me. Now face forward. The surprise isn't over yet."

She repositioned herself and tweaked his antenna as he maneuvered the craft further from Earth and the moon. He jerked and they ended up off course by a lot. "Woman, I told you not to do that! If we miss it, then it is definitely your fault!" the irked alien shouted.

"If we miss what?"

Forty-six seconds later they were right where Zim declared they needed to be. "It will only be a minute now. Before you see this, I need you to answer one question and you must do so honestly."

"All right."

"Do you love me, and do you want us to be together for a while?"

"That's cheating! There are two questions in there."

"Don't stall for time," he snapped.

She sighed. It took all of her courage to say the word she needed to say. Slowly, it came out. "Yeeeeeessssss."  
Zim frowned. "Pretty reluctant, but okay. Surprise in ten seconds. Pay attention."

Ten seconds passed slower than Gaz could ever have imagined, but by the time she had counted to ten almost three times a firestorm of shooting stars plummeted past them. She watched in amazement as, one by one, the stars stopped in predetermined places. They formed a message:

MARRY ME OR ELSE. LOVE, THE ALL POWERFUL ZIM

Gaz could only stare, open-mouthed, at the stars. "I moved the stars for you," Zim whispered in her ear as his arms snaked around her waist. He used one hand to gently push her jaw closed. "There isn't anything I won't try to do if you ask."

"Zim, I –" Gaz shook her head and leaned against him. "Where's my ring?"

"Your what?"

"My engagement ring. It isn't a proper proposal if I don't have a ring offered to me," she replied.

"Are you kidding me?" Zim demanded. "I moved stars for you and you want a ring to show that I'm devoted to you? What the hell? Do you have any idea how much time and effort go into something like this? How much planning? It isn't like I can just push buttons and make it happen!"

In truth, it was exactly like that, thanks to the advanced technology available to him, but he saw no reason to share that information.

Her head bumped the window when he pushed her off his lap and she scowled at him, floating in zero gravity.

"You stupid, selfish dirt child! I had to work on this for months! Do you know how difficult it was for me to be so unselfish and wonderful? Not to mention, refraining from bragging about it? Why, I bet –" He was cut off by a kiss. When Gaz broke it off, Zim eyed her warily. "What was that for?"

"Did you really spend months on this?"

He glared at her, offended by her knowing smile. "No. I just like to hear the sound of my own voice," he replied sarcastically. "Wait. I do like my voice." He paused for a moment, ignoring Gaz's ill-concealed laughter. "But maybe it did. Maybe it didn't. I'm not going to tell you now."

"You are such an ass!" The purle-haired girl kissed her alien again. "My answer is yes. A thousand times, yes. You moved the stars for me. How could I say no?"


	29. Chapter 29

When they eventually returned to Earth, Gaz told her father and brother. Zim told Gir. The wedding was wonderful and everyone lived happily ever after.

The End.


	30. Chapter 30

"Wait a second, you miserable excuse for an Invader," Gaz growled at Zim as she read over his shoulder. "You can't just end it like that. It's so lame."

"I will end my autobiography however I choose!" Zim yelled indignantly.

"Your 'autobiography'? Give me a break! Those are written in the first person, usually, and you wouldn't be able to know how other people thought or felt! Besides, this whole account is only about thirty percent accurate in the first place!" Gaz shouted back. "Just admit that this is a work of fiction."

_This is my life's work and the honest truth_, Zim typed after 'The End.'

Gaz's fingers twitched as she resisted the urge to strangle her fiance. "For one thing, wedding invitations inform guests of the intended couple, day, time, place and how to RSVP. They normally only take up a card. This," and she gestured to his computer screen, "is over twenty-nine chapters long and mostly stuff you pulled out of your ass."

"Oh, go soak your head in bleach, you crazy worm baby. This is a joint project, remember? Wich means I do the invitations and you lick the envelopes."

At that, Gaz did strangle him. He managed to free himself from her clutches with some difficulty and pined her against the wall. During their struggle the buttons on Gaz's shirt had given way and the shirt just barely hid her skin from view. Zim's eyes traveled down the length of her neck to rest at the parting of her shirt. He grinned mischievously, the struggle forgotten.

"I should have edited it to say 'I'll do anything _to_ you," he whispered before kissing her neck. She sighed as her head fell back and held her left hand up to the light.

A gorgeous balck titanium ring with a tension set violet sapphire sparkled on her ring finger. Irken symbols were etched into the band and filled in with purple enamel.

"At least I got my ring." She laughed as he tugged her to the ground. "How about I do the invitations and you make reservations for the reception?" she suggested.

"Anything. Just shut up and kiss me," Zim howled impatiently as his hands trailed up and down her sides.

"Isn't that supposed to be my line?: she replied and complied.

The End

(for real)


End file.
